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Does romantic attraction/orientation really exist?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Matt Lee, May 21, 2019.

  1. Chip

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    As stated above, ad nauseum, there is no evidence whatsoever that supports the idea that discordant romantic and sexual attraction actually exists. What is described by people as "romantic attraction" is simply emotionally intimate friendship, and as such, friendship has been studied for millenia.

    This doesn't mean that gay men can't (and, in fact, many do) have really deep emotional bonds of friendship with women, but a more accurate characterization of those bonds is of emotionally intimate friendship, not "romantic attraction".

    With that said, anyone is welcomed to use any label they wish to describe themselves. I can self-describe as 'unicornsexual' if I want, and that's perfectly fine. What's important, however, is that accurate information be conveyed to the many people who come here seeking guidance.
     
  2. gayfish96

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    So I should Identify as bi and confuse a lot of women?
     
  3. Chiroptera

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    Your orientation isn't determined by what people will think or how they will react. It is determined by your feelings and attractions.

    By definition, if you are sexually attracted to both men and women, you are bisexual. If you are only attracted to men (and you are a man), then you are gay/homosexual (or lesbian/homosexual if you are a woman). If you are attracted to the opposite sex, then you are straight/heterosexual.

    If you are a man and you aren't sexually attracted to women, then you aren't bisexual, by definition. A bisexual person is sexually attracted to men and women. That's what the word means. If people use this word in another context, they are free to do so, but, to put it simply, this is the meaning of the word if you look it up in a dictionary.

    There's no evidence of a separation between romantic and sexual attractions, as explained in detail previously.
     
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  4. Poofter

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    I am so using this going forward!
     
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  5. gayfish96

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    But this is not useful.
     
  6. gayfish96

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    Why is everybody so edgy about this?
     
  7. DirectionNorth

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    How is that not useful? Those are the facts, you can identify how you feel fit, but those are the definitions
     
  8. Chip

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    So, from what I'm understanding you to say, you have sexual attraction to men, but not to women. This means you're gay, not bi. (the ability to sustain emotionally intimate friendships with someone you have no sexual attraction to has zero bearing on sexual orientation) Thus, if you identify as gay, you won't confuse any women. I'm not seeing where the issue is.


    If you can explain further how it's not useful to you, perhaps we can help clarify in a way that will be helpful.
     
    #28 Chip, Jun 12, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2019
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  9. gayfish96

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    I have very minor attraction to women that just doesn't need to be there. It's not fulfilling.
     
  10. Poofter

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    I can look at a woman and see she’s beautiful. Doesn’t mean I want to be romantically or sexually involved with her.

    Are you saying at times you do feel like being sexually involved with women?
     
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  11. gayfish96

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    I occasionally feel like doing some random girl, as long as I don't have to look at her face or breasts or kiss her or love her or talk to her.
     
  12. Poofter

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    Interesting. So I was married twice before I came out. And both my ex wives will tell you, close friends is as far as it really goes for me with women. However I can appreciate the female form in all aspects it just doesn’t turn me on sexually. I dunno for me everyone is like a piece of art and they are all beautiful in some unique way. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m just unicornsexual

    However that insta-lust fooling around with the limitations you describe. I don’t think that would put you in the bisexual line.
     
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  13. Chip

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    This and your earlier comment are consistent with someone who is gay but is having difficulty completely 'closing the door' on opposite-sex attraction.

    Nothing you're saying sounds like the connection with the girl is anything more than as a sexual object. It certainly isn't either sexual or romantic attraction; it sounds more like acting out. This might be something to explore in therapy, as it sounds like it's creating distress for you.
     
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