Does it count as a trigger crush if nothing ever happens?

I've been reading the threads here about trigger crushes and I think this describes what I had. But nothing ever happened between us - she is (very) straight and married and never showed any interest in me. Is this my trigger crush?

She was the head of my department and from the moment I met her at my interview I was captivated. She is 4 years older than me, very elegant, incredibly intelligent, extremely confident and successful (head of department in her mid-30s), but also with this underlying vulnerability that drove me crazy. I wanted to take care of her. She isn't classically beautiful but she has these eyes and lopsided smile that cannot be described in words. She is very professional and serious usually but underneath very warm, kind and sweet On rare occasions lets her mask slip and reveals a very funny and irreverent sense of humor.

Anyway, I could write many pages about her, but the point is that although I've had crushes on girls and women my whole life, this was different. So very different. I think it's the first time in my life I've felt this overwhelming sexual desire for someone. I've certainly never felt it for a man. With this woman, I just couldn't take my eyes off her, obsessed with the way she moved, spoke, sat. One day she was sitting in her office with the door open, and wearing a short skirt. As I was walking down the corridor she bent over she get something and I saw the length of her stunning leg. And it was like being electrocuted, I couldn't breathe. Is this how other women feel when they look at men?? I had to go and sit in my office to get my breath back. And I realized then that I want to actually be with someone who makes me feel this way.

Of course the result was that I turned into a bibbering idiot whenever I was around her, which didn't help my career prospects!! I ended up leaving that department and finally the company because being so near her was so crazy making. It's 8 years now since I first met her, and the last time I saw her was in May at a wedding. We're both in our 40s now. And she still has the same effect on me. I would drop everything, do anything just to touch her. If she had been interested, I would have done whatever it took to be with her. But it's totally hopeless. Not only is she straight, but I think she thinks I don't even like her and am a complete idiot because of my inability to string a sentence together in her presence. I might not even ever see her again yet I can't get her out of my mind.

But does a crush like this actually mean anything? if so, what? Probably this whole rambling post was just an excuse to talk about her again. Is this a common experience among us "late bloomers"?

 

Yeah, writing it all out was kind of therapeutic but it really brought back all those feelings.

I've known I like women since I was a child. I just suppressed it all my life because I considered it impossible to go down that road. This was the first time I couldn't just push it away. So (thinking aloud) maybe not a trigger to realizing I like women but a trigger to allowing myself to thinking I don't want to die without experiencing this.