Does anyone build up a relationship in their head?

(sitting in a coffee shop, I've had caffeine, now my brain is up and running) With reference to like to tease. I've actually executed on another ECs members suggestion and read a few gay teen romance novels. This has helped me a lot. I never learned about romance my teen years for I was being shamed to death for my innate sexuality - a gay man.

There are people like that. You, like me, put way to much energy into this. If you find a way to move past this behavior, please, please let me know.

I encourage you to start journaling. Why? Your words, "your're not good" is a clue. I theorize at some point in your life, you were rejected.

I was rejected, multiple times, over my age of 14 - 16. The rejection was major - will tell what it is via PM (private message) when you get it. This rejection changed my life and hurt me big time.

My guess, theres another clue. You seek "protect myself". You've been hurt in the past - my theory as stated above.

I have also learned via ECs members, I've got to make myself vulnerable to move forward. OMG are you serious - Spock, Klingon destroyer, raise the shields ready the torpedoes.

Oh she was either a) playing hard to get maybe because it stokes her eagle to have a guy with a stiff teen dick chasing her, or b) playing me off to another guy she had eyes for, the jealousy trump card.

FYI I now know I was chasing her only for the sex. Not because I had a crush on her.