1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Do you think "bad boys" are more appealing than "nice guys" ?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Devil Dave, Jan 24, 2020.

  1. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It seems like bad guys get more attention than nice guys.

    If you're nice to people you get treated like a weirdo, but if you're a bit of a jerk, everybody wants to be your friend.

    Is it because the bad guys are more adventurous? They like being reckless and taking risks, so people look up to them as some sort of leader or a body guard who can have your back in a fight? Compared to the nice guy who will avoid conflict, or try to resolve disputes without being aggressive.

    Do people see the bad guys as someone who is not afraid and is well prepared for what life throws at him, while the nice guys are seen as harmless and overly cautious, to the point you can't have fun with them?

    Or, do people feel like they don't deserve someone who is nice to them and will always pick the bad guy because they are used to people who think highly of themselves and nobody else?

    What are your thoughts on bad boys?
     
  2. Benway

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    952
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    Interzone
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't find "bad boys" appealing at all. Every guy I've slept with has been a pretty wholesome person, including the object of my affection.

    The first guy I slept with is a business owner and hair stylist who trained to become a welder much later on, he's got a lot going for him and sold his business in my area for a profit and moved out of state where he now runs a car body shop. He's very successful and an all around nice fellow.

    The second guy I slept with is a successful caterer and systems manager for a college. He's a very soft spoken gentleman and he's extremely well mannered and thoughtful. He keeps his hair neat and has a lot of friends and is a very pleasant and kind person who stays out of any sort of trouble.

    The third guy I slept with, the object of my affection, is just the sweetest, kindest, gentlest soul I know. He's extremely thoughtful and puts others first whenever he can because he highly values their friendships and has matured a lot since I met him when he was 21. He's one of my favorite people.

    That said, I do know a "bad boy," but he isn't gay. He's just a punk who refuses to take any sort of medications for his bipolar disorder and likes to light fires (figuratively and literally) while drifting from person to person, draining them of their resolve and acting as a messianic figure before letting everything go to crap and watching it all burn from a distance. He's disrespectful, dangerous and thoughtless, but for better or worse, he's my friend and I'm kind of stuck with him. I haven't spoken to him in over a year because frankly I'm kind of afraid of the guy. He's not really the kind of character I should associate myself with but I've known him for nearly twenty years and all the time he just gets worse.

    So no, I don't like bad boys. I like wholesome guys who go out of their way to make you feel comfortable.
     
  3. LaurenSkye

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    138
    Location:
    Cincinnati, OH
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I never much cared for "bad boys". I want a good, nice guy to be with. Interestingly, I do kind of have a thing for "bad girls". Of course, my attraction to women in general is primarily sexual and not romantic.
     
  4. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,664
    Likes Received:
    678
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I guess there are probably some really messed up people out there but I honestly think the whole thing that what people are really looking for is "bad boys" is a tired trope with no real basis in reality. People want people who are interesting. There's a difference, and a lot of the nicest people out there are very interesting.
     
  5. Chizu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2019
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The bad boy is just a trope in fiction. A lot of people liked the "bad boy" that doesn't play by the rules but this doesn't pertain to being rude or a jerk.
    People don't like nice guys, in general, but they also don't like any alternative. People have fictitious expectations for what they expect people to be which you will never fulfill. In general, it's best just to be nice and hope someone likes you as an individual.
     
  6. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It does have basis in reality, though. Especially in the gay scene. Gay men are notoriously rude, snobby and shallow, so it's not hard to believe many of them will turn down a nice guy in favour of a guy who wants to get drunk, high, and have his brains fucked out by anything with a pulse. I know I've been rejected or shunned plenty of times for not being nasty enough.
     
  7. Linning

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,326
    Likes Received:
    523
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree with @OGS that the ''bad boy'' trope is mostly fictitious. Like sure maybe some people will be into the whole leather jacket and motorbike look but ultimately nobody want (as in genuinely want) to be with a cheat, someone who is embarrassingly rude to others and a bully, that is just not the case.

    Now if some women/men go for this and stay with someone who is genuinely an awful person, it's definitely due to lack of self-esteem and not recognizing their worth/ having been brain-washed.

    That being said, more often than not the problem lays with the ''nice'' guy. As a woman, I have heard soooooo many guys and by so many I mean WAY TOO MANY guys complain about how girls always go for bad boys while nice guys are left on the side and look at them nice guys who could offer it all to a woman yet are forever friendzoned.

    Well here is the catch: Usually the nice guy isn't half as nice as he thinks he is. From my experience most ''nice guys'' are usually guys who are doing nice things to try and impress whoever they have a crush on, it's not genuine, they do it because they want to be perceive as this perfect person and when a guy complains to be about being friendzoned despite being nice, it screams entitlement to me, not ''nice guy.''

    I would describe myself as nice, as in I will be on the phone at 4am with a friend in need, or will go pick up a friend that needs me and will do as much as I can (in my capacity) to give back what I have been given and help. That being said, I don't think it entitles me to a relationship any more than the guy who has spent his life never helping anyone and only thinking of himself. I don't think me being nice, means I am owed love and/or appreciation and if I was doing the thing I do to receive it, I would be doing those things for the wrong reasons and actually wouldn't be nice at all.

    That's the problem with ''nice guys'' they are usually guys who are on stand-by hoping for the relationship of whoever they have a crush on to collapse so they can make a move, hoping in the meantime that they can buy brownie points by doing stuff that proves they are relationship material. (is that something a nice thing to do? I don't know you tell me).

    There are nothing wrong with doing this, but it's not being nice, and it's not what people want.

    Part of why people like ''bad boys'' if they do is their confidence, nice guys are rarely confident, they rarely go for what they want, they just wait and hope it happens eventually and then get mad when it doesn't.

    I have nothing against nice guys, but the number of actually genuinely nice guys who ask for nothing and are themselves vs ''nice guys'' who act nice but are in fact closer to the ''bad boys'' they so very much loathe is actually quite small.
     
    #7 Linning, Jan 24, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2020
  8. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,664
    Likes Received:
    678
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I find it interesting that people seem to "know" why they are rejected. When I have had times when I thought I clicked with someone and they did not I generally have no idea why it worked out that way.
     
  9. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've literally had people telling me "You're such a nice guy, I can't believe you're single" so maybe I'm not as nice as these people think I am.

    I'm not only nice to men who I fancy. I'm nice to everybody. I'm nice to women, children, elderly people. I'm nice to shopkeepers and waiters. I always aim to make a good first impression, no matter who I meet. And it does get frustrating when people I'm not interested in romantically sing my praises and tell me how lovely I am, while men that I find attractive don't even notice me. But I don't let that stop me from being nice to everyone. Being nice is in my nature. I've even quit jobs because I got sick of dealing with horrible people.

    And there is a nasty person in me somewhere. I changed my indentity on this site from "Nice Dave" to "Devil Dave" because I'd look back on some of my posts and think "that wasn't very nice of me. I'm certainly not an angel".

    I do think that being "friendzoned" is a myth, though. I have friends who are good to me and have stuck with me through my high and low points, and none of the guys I've had unrequited feelings for have stuck around in my life the way these friends have.
     
  10. Will S

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2020
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    falmouth maine
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No, I find bad boys disgusting and revolting. I am nice to every single person that I meet no matter who they are, their ethnicity, or orientation. We are all humans and should love one another!
     
  11. Linning

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,326
    Likes Received:
    523
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    But that’s kind of the point of my post, I don’t doubt that you are nice but what I am saying that being nice, however nice you are, doesn’t entitle you to people liking you, being nice is awesome but it’s not the only thing people are into. People are into a bunch of things and I would say that the great majority of people are pretty nice, so being nice isn’t usually a break it or make it thing.


    You are the perfect example because you say people who value you and are nice to you (and therefore likely nice people) are not your type but yet you seem to focus and dwell on the fact that people who would want you to be “nasty” and someone you are not won’t date you. So I think need to look at your own dating pattern as to why you are more attracted to guy like this than the guys who sing your praises? Or is it because being nice isn’t the make all/end all of it and that you also need be attracted to them, have good conversation with them and connect somehow?
     
  12. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,370
    Likes Received:
    96
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I love bad boys...
     
  13. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's very rarely gay men who do compliment me. I get women telling me how lovely I am, and even straight men telling me what a nice bloke I am, but the lack of appreciation from other gay men is kind of a downer.

    I've met guys that I've had lots in common with and really enjoyed talking to and wanted to get to know better, but when it came to asking them out, I got no reply. Some of them I saw later on hanging out and having fun with people I didn't exactly get along with. So that adds to the "I'm too nice/too boring to be with" feeling.

    Then there are guys that I've been on dates with who spoke about how awful their ex-partner was, and the years of BS they put up with from them. These guys have ghosted me as well. I'd ask if they want to meet up again, and got no reply. Makes me wonder if they went back to their horrible exes. Whatever it was, they didn't think I was worth keeping in touch with.
     
  14. Aussie792

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2013
    Messages:
    3,317
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    We are all capable of being bad, selfish and immoral. We are all capable of being good, ethical and nice.

    Most people try to be nice. Next to nobody identifies as being a 'bad guy'. But too many people identify as being 'nice', as if that absolved them from the flaws and personality defects we all possess. So they externalise blame and attribute the cause of their troubles to others.

    Be careful not to swing too far into that final type of person.
     
  15. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I disagree there. Plenty of people like to make a point of how unpleasant they can be. Some guys even boast about the horrible things they've done, as if to say "you don't want to mess with me" or "if you're a nice person, we're not gonna get along." By horrible things, I don't mean torturing animals or robbing old ladies, more like pranks they've played on their friends and colleagues or things they've stolen or damaged when they were drunk.

    I personally don't identify as being a "bad boy" because I don't get to the point where I want to humiliate myself and others just for the sake of impressing people. Lots of people invite me to hang out with them because I seem like a nice guy, and then when we're all having a drink, they'll try to get me in touch with my inner bad boy, and it just doesn't work. I don't lose my inhibitions easilly. And they end up thinking wow, you really are boring and serious. And my inner bad boy ends up thinking well, fuck these guys, I won't bother with them in future.
     
  16. LaurenSkye

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    138
    Location:
    Cincinnati, OH
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I think part of it is that some people want a "bad boy" so that they can change them into the type of guy they want.
     
  17. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah, I think a lot of people think they can be the one who changes him. Maybe they've watched too many movies where the sexy guy starts off as a jerk then becomes a hero and says "you saved me from myself."

    I've never fallen for a bad boy, I find bad boy behavior off putting, the kind of guys I've fallen for are ones who seem a bit shy and stand-offish, and I told myself I could be the one who gets them to open up and come out of their shell, but it turned out they were just dicks who had no feelings to share or were incapable of forming their own opinion. Wouldn't be surprised if some of them ended up with crackheads who treat them like garbage.
     
  18. Batman

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    827
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't think bad boys or good guys really exist, it's just stereotyping people. I think it's mostly just a way that people rationalise rejection and/or relationship failure.

    I very much agree with what you said
     
    #18 Batman, Jan 29, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2020
  19. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So you don't think some relationships fail because some guys treat their partners badly?
     
  20. Batman

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    827
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, I'm saying that I think blaming bad boys and the whole trope of "bad boys" in general is a product of being unable to understand the failure of the relationship/rejection.

    Some people react to rejection by completely blaming themselves, some completely blame everyone but themself.