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Do you like your body?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MadDog, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. Suomi

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    Then you should have left it at that.

    Being this voice of reason saying, "All of you, should love your body." perhaps wasn't the best thing to say, being your avatar is not ambiguous to the type of person you are.

    If your avatar was of an animal or of a cartoon, I haven't any idea of the type of person you are. So I guess it wouldn't trigger me as much..

    But it's clear you are white, you are male, and you look kinda heteronormative looking. So I just thought being this bulletin board has many people, myself included, who suffer from identity issues that aren't as privileged as being a white masculine looking man, was really easy for you to add that.

    I apologize if it came across as disrespectful, I'm sorry for that.

    But I needed to add it, as I'm sure I'm not the only one who was thinking it.

    That's different. Even if you tan, you are still a white person, and people can still tell you're a white person. so that's very dismissive and you didn't have to mention that.

    You don't tan because you hate your race correct?
     
    #41 Suomi, Nov 23, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
  2. europeanguy

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    whatever you want to think. I can't stop you. just please dont bring it into every conversation, some people just want to have discussions, like this thread, without it being a conflict zone. yes white privelage exists, but in very niche areas, the dating scene is rife with it id agree on that one, white people are held up like some prize to be worthy of by non-white people for some reason. there are problem areas sure. but this is meant to be a safe space. if your really held up by the race thing (which by every post you seem to do including it, I would think you are). make a thread about it to discuss it. just maybe dont hijack other peoples threads and attack people when its just meant to be a bit of fun
     
    #42 europeanguy, Nov 23, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
  3. Lin1

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    Interestingly enough, a lot of the thing I now embrace and love about myself are things I would have deemed as flaws in earlier year.

    I used to hate being quite tall for a girl as a kid but now I love it, I guess I could still do with being slightly less tall when I wear heels but hey oh.
    I used to see not being caucasian as a flaw but I have since learned to embrace it and love it fully, I like not needing to tan and risk skin cancer to reach the skin tone that a lot of people wish they had, I like the fact that it makes me standout as while it does bring its fair load of negative comments/experiences, it does bring a massive amount of positivity and I also enjoy knowing I am not the ''average beauty'' where I am as it closes as many doors as it opens.
    I have actually learned to love myself with my pros and my cons and while I still have a bit of insecurities regarding some parts of my body, I think changing them would make me less me and I quite like being me.
     
  4. HM03

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    I'm learning to be "alright" with my body. Certain things I'm actually super confident with, which is a big change from pre-2017.
     
  5. Niagara

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    I've read a lot of your posts lately, and honestly I get the impression that you think being white is better than it actually is. It's certainly undeniable that white privilege exists, however it is nowhere near as powerful as you seem to believe it is, and white people are nowhere near as happy as you seem to think they are.

    It's not wrong of you to think that at all, because you have never seen it from the white side, so I completely get why you think the way you do.

    I'll just say straight up, I am and have been around the type of people you seem to believe have perfect lives, and it's just not like that. I am a white masculine guy, and went to a very upper class majority white high school. I can tell you first hand, privileged white people are some of the most deeply screwed up people you will ever meet. They just don't look like it because an extremely large part of that type of community is learning how to hide and internalize all problems, specifically to create the illusion of perfection you have noticed and believe in.

    Any and all problems you can find in a ghetto community, exist in upper class white communities too, and in some cases are actually worse. They are just hidden better. In the ghetto, it's just common knowledge there is violence and everyone knows it and expects it. What people don't see or expect from the outside looking in, is that those privileged white people also have large amounts of violence. When you drive by nice houses, you don't think "oh that white doctor/lawyer beats his children almost to death every time he has a bad day at work, then uses money to cover it up and get away with it." It happens, and it's quite common.

    It applies to the LGBT side of things too. The greatest fear of a person living the illusion of perfection is that something will destroy the illusion. Having a gay child destroys that illusion, and the parents will do everything physically possible to restrain that child and hide them from the world, to the point where the shame of being gay is so internalized that they might as well be dead and feel nothing. They will still look perfect to outsiders, but they will want nothing more than to die every day of their lives, and if they ever do try to live as openly gay their own parents will vengefully destroy them in all ways possible for breaking the illusion, up to and including arranging their death (not kidding, there have been rich white gay kids killed by hitmen who were paid to do it by their own parents to maintain the illusion).

    Do you think the whiteness of their skin is going to protect them from living their entire lives in fear of being who they truly are? It is not that different than any other skin color. Yes, it has slight advantages sometimes, but being white is not the happiness you believe it to be. I've even known a few white people who genuinely want to be black, and feel excluded by the black community they want to be part of for being white.

    If you are not happy now, you would not be happy if you were white. Happiness doesn't work that way, and a skin color is not significant enough to change anything by itself.

    Sorry for the long post, but I hope it explained a perspective you may not have previously been exposed to.
     
  6. Suomi

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    White is right, I'm sorry. Anything that "bad" as you say happens in white culture, happens in the black community 100x times worse.

    I have. At one time before I did go to an inner city school for High School, I went to upper class primary elementary and junior high schools. I was invited to these kids homes and at a young age I was able to maladapative and melodramatic daydream. So fuck that.

    I do know how white kids act, and how black kids act. How black families in the inner city act, and how white family in the suburbs and in rich communities act. Okay?

    I just disagree. To me in black and inner cities areas it's way worse. I need for you to give better examples.

    I think those are just rare exceptions to the rule to be honest, all these "throwing stones in glass houses" lies and situations you're talking about.

    Again, I'm going to need you to give better examples. I read your whole post, and no you didn't include any good examples at all.

    I will give you an example to debunk that.

    White families at least have education and wealth and reputation. Inner cities family do not have that. With black families, there is no college fund or networking opportunities for the son to work for the dads company. There are drugs, sex, abuse going on at a way harsher R rated tone in black and in inner cities families. They can't afford transportation ot take their kids to school, can't afford school uniforms, pens and paper. So it's sad.

    In white families, usually the kids go with the white mother, and she takes his money and they are able to start over a new life.

    In black families, if they even know who their father is sadly, live in a single mother household, if the mother is not out partying and clubbing every night doing drugs leaving the kids at home by themselves, there is government assistance for both housing and food. Section 8 ,Food stamps, WIC.

    I know, because I was apart of a single parent household and understand the rules.

    All these things that for the most part white people are not aware of.

    That is such bullshit. So that's suppose to scare me? That white parents hire hitmen to kill their LGBT children? Please tell me you're toying with me.

    Even if that's the case, I'll let you have that inane misanthropy. That still is that's nothing compared to black families.

    Anybody gay or transgender in the hood or ghetto is a walking target. Hip hop music tells you this with many homophobic lyrics.

    Africa, Jamaica, Caribbean. etc. All of these black areas do not accept homosexuality or LGBT at all.

    As opposed to more white countries in Europe that are slowly and surely being accepting.

    At least with white families "We love you, but don't accept your sexuality/lifestyle."

    In all aspects of the black culture, LGBT is not accepted at all.

    If anything, as I'm a gay black feminine man, I'm sadly destroying the black community.

    It's because of me is why people think the black community is messed up. Feminized black men from single mother households. The prison industrial complex, and how half of black men in America around my age are incarcerated in prison.

    It's something not at all accepted or talked about. If anything, people look at it, as if it's something they want to detract from. As opposed in white culture, it's something more and more people as generations move on are accepting.

    Even within the fucking LGBT community, black people are shunned on so much.

    In gay male magazines, in all the HIV circulars, it's always a black man. I don't understand that at all.

    There are many gay clubs here in LA that have anti black agendas to them. They tell people not to wear urban clothes, baggy jeans, snapback caps, booty shorts, high top shoes, jerseys, bling bling, wife beaters, doo rags, tops that cover your bottoms etc. Basically riff raff or homely looking clothes. I don't think this shit is coincidence.

    They want to cater to the white gays.

    Being black it's so hard for me to connect with gay men sometimes. They don't want to be around me, and it's sad.

    I do want to find love and find acceptance being black and gay, but I feel so alone and unloved.

    Being white isn't perfect know, but it has way more perks than being black, as that's my main point. White people bleed, and black people bleed yes. But it seems white blood is more precious, sacred, and valuable than black blood sadly.

    I don't know anybody white that wants to be black. Except white rappers or white people that into the hip hop culture.

    Even fuck that. White rappers are getting number one singles for being "white rappers" and breaking stereotypes and stuff. I'm not saying they aren't talented, they are. But it seems white is universally right. You can't win. Damned if you do or don't. Screwed either way. So white privilege exists in full circle.

    No. But it would make my situation easier. A white gay man still has issues as a black gay man would yes, but black anything, always has it more tough.

    Sorry for the long post, but I hope it explained a perspective you may not have previously been exposed to.[/QUOTE]

    It didn't.

    Just fuck it. Ugh. I'm sorry.

    Ugh I hate being black and gay so much.
     
    #46 Suomi, Nov 23, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
  7. butterfly1

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    When I was younger I could not accept my body. As a kid there were numerous surgeries. A constant look of healing cuts. A lot of ridicule from other kids in school.
    As an young adult I never felt like I was good enough in my appearance. Every time I saw myself in the mirror I would not like what I saw. Part of that was a lack of accepting my body. Part of that was a struggle with gender identity.
    There were times of self hate of my appearance. "Why did my body have to be fixed (reconstructive surgeries)?" "Why couldn't I have been born a different gender?" A lot of frustration. For a long time.
    Through a lot of hard work and soul searching, I am at a point where I don't hate my body. I have moments that I wonder if the inner person matches the outer appearance. A constant bouncing back and forth.
    Still working towards who I am. And maybe with that comes the acceptance of my body (whether the inner matches the outer or otherwise).
     
  8. Niagara

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    The part I quoted, I think I may know why. The county right next to where I live is consistently ranked as having one of the highest levels of HIV anywhere in the country based on percentage of the residents who live there, at this point pretty much 1 in 5 people in the whole county have it regardless of gender or orientation. The people who live there are about 85% black too. So assuming that trend exists elsewhere, the magazines may just be doing it because they see statistics like that and think it is the most effective way to get their message to the higher risk areas. I have no idea why black communities would be the higher risk areas though.

    As for the rest of your response, I do see what you mean. Also I'm sorry for assuming you hadn't seen it from the white perspective, I did not mean it in a rude way it was just a bad choice of words.

    I think some of the difference between what we have seen is geographic as well as racial. You mentioned Los Angeles, and I live on the east coast in a southern state. I've been to California, and both races are culturally different there they are here. I guess my examples were based more on a small southern town type of atmosphere where they are more significant. I completely see how issues in the black community would be worse in a large city like Los Angeles compared to what I have seen here, and that may have skewed my opinion unfairly.
     
    #48 Niagara, Nov 23, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
  9. TrevinMichael

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    I am not a race I am a person. I have friends and I do not care what they look like I care about what is in their heart.

    you are reading way into this and my first statement was short and simple. Treat others like you want to be treated.

    I love my friends and they love me back no matter what their skin color is. I do not tan well I burn. I have red hair.
     
  10. TrevinMichael

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    I do not tell others what to say

    do not tell me how to write my words in this forum

    hate it hate
    period

    I do not hate others
     
  11. Lin1

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    Such a shame that a post about body positivity had to be turn into something negative and a debate about privileges when it has nothing to do with the original goal of the thread. Way to turn everything into something negative.
     
  12. Kyrielles

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    Ignoring all the negativity in this post and sticking to the original post I'm going to say that self love is an extremely important thing. And I am super pumped for our generation and the generations to come, because all those old thoughts of having the perfect body and personality are slowly with time fading out and I love it!!! Which as with everything else in the world there's still going to be people with those thoughts out there, but majority is starting to rule and it's great. NO ONE should be made to feel that they are being judged by the appearance, everyone is unique, and everyone should embrace it. Personally I enjoy all the different people, whenever I see someone looking perfect I always think they're trying too hard(even if they're not, there's select few who are naturally perfect according to the old opinions), and you should never have to try hard appearance wise to make people like you, that is the most ridiculous thing! Personality definitely rules and that's not shown on the outside!

    Like several previous posters I too had several insecurities when I was younger, but with age I've gotten over them. Previously I disliked a lot of things about myself, especially in my teenage years, I basically didn't like anything about myself from head to toes. But today I'm a lot older and a lot wiser and those thoughts never even cross my mind. However just like everyone else I still have small insecurities, like for example, my biggest insecurity today would be my voice. Well not necessarily my voice, but my accent. I have a slight country accent due to the fact that I live in the country in the south, not deep south, but south. It's actually not as bad as the other people from my area, because I do work on it and have always worked on it, but yeah. Normally I don't really think about it, because I'm not noticing it being that everyone around me usually have worse accents, but I really notice it whenever I go into the city/out of town or watch movies/tv for long periods of time. And I actually do feel judged and have felt judged by people because of my accent. It's super annoying because there are some people who will make jokes or just assume that you're literally stupid because of the accent. I really really dislike my accent and I always have actually. Although I dislike my accent I'm not going to let that get me down or affect my life, it's just the one thing I dislike the most.
     
  13. TrevinMichael

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    I can say at 55 I love my body

    I have gone from 160 to 125 to 160 to 245 to 190 to 160 to 210 over a 40 year period
     
    #53 TrevinMichael, Nov 24, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2017
  14. Suomi

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    Strangely enough, what I mention didn't derail or go off topic. It may seem like it, and perhaps I should have been more mild with the way I came across, but everything fits together.

    The thread was, do you like your body? A lot of people do not like their body over things they cannot change, and are judged for. That includes race, body shape, gender identity etc.

    So I'm sorry I snapped like that, but I'm not sorry for adding that bit into it though.
     
    #54 Suomi, Nov 24, 2017
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  15. Lin1

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    The problem is that you seem to have a tendency to snap on every thread, ruining it for everyone and then feeling sorry about it.

    The point of the thread was to bring positivity yet the first thing you did was pick on a positive post about embracing our bodies and derail it into something that didn't need to be. Some of your comments were very uncall for and unecessary and brought nothing to the thread. Talk about your own insecurities if you want but no need to constantly pick at other people giving their opinion about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you and make dig at them before turning their post into a post about you and "how you have it worse than everyone else" (which seem to be your specialty). We got the point that you feel black gay male have it worse than everybody else on all levels, you've been hammering it on every threads for days now. It's okay to think that and to want to talk about it and I invite you to create your own thread to talk about it so you can get the support you want/need and discuss it more if you wish, but hijacking other people's thread constantly to talk about this when a lot of the time it has nothing to do with the original topic and often come with a lot of passive-agressivity on your part and mean comments is not on.

    Empty closet is supposed to be a safe place where people can come, relax and be fully themselves without being judged. It is supposed to be a positive place. Nobody here will make you feel crap about being a feminine black gay male because it really doesn't matter , people will provide you with the same support/advices/help wether you are white/black/purple or red so I think it's very uncall for for you to berate and undermine other posters based on their skin color. There are (positive) ways to educate and inform people about the differences you have noticed between the black community and the white comunity and being passive agressive and snapping at people is , in my opinion not the right approach.
     
  16. Suomi

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    I'm sorry. Fuck me for getting triggered by him right? I see a masculine white man saying happy successful shit and love everybody and love your body, and I'm just this black gay feminine alien. So sorry for pointing that out.

    I do make several threads, which I also get attacked and told quit on those. So I'm screwed either way, no matter what I do.
     
    #56 Suomi, Nov 24, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2017
  17. Lin1

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    You can be triggered but your reply to his perfectly acceptable and generic post was way out of line.

    You have no clue about his life. You haven't walked a mile in his shoes. Maybe he was bullied his entire childhood and was also made to feel like an alien for most of his life. Maybe he didn't. Either way, it doesn't matter. Nobody is responsible for you finding triggers in the most innofensive messages, but you are responsible for your reaction to what you find triggering though. Maybe next time you feel ''triggered" by something ask yourself : "was this person really trying to offend me?" "Am I taking this too personally?" "Does this person deserve the abuse I am about to write down?" so you can take a step back and look at the situation with fresh eyes. You are the only one on here seeming to see ''black, feminine, gay guys" as aliens and feeling the need to constantely point that out. Nobody here does. You obviously have insecurities about your appearance and (as stated per the thread) it's okay but there is no need to try and make other feel bad for not looking exactly like you and not having had to go through the same struggles in life as you.




    You are told off because you hijack other people's threads and make it all about you and when it's your own thread and people take the time out of their day to help you out and provide advice you shut them down and berate them. If you were less rude people would really have more interest in discussing and debating with you or even just hearing you out. But, and I am sure you will agree, talking to a wall isn't really pleasant nor interesting. Be open to hearing other people's side of their story, don't shut them down, don't compare them to you or their struggle to yours, we are all different and you can't blame people for not having walked in your shoes. We could probably all learn from your life experience but you could also learn a lot from ours, so don't shut that possibility down by only making it about you.
     
  18. Spot

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    No, I'm too fat.
     
  19. Shorthaul

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    I like parts of me. While I have a physically demanding job, I eat way too much so I am over weight. But that is fixable if food wasn't sooooooo good. Curse you breakfast burritos and your delightful fluffy eggs and bacon or chorizo and cheese. Oh how I love you cheese.

    I don't look as heavy as I actually am, as I am pretty tall and broad shouldered. Which has its advantages and disadvantages. Advantage like reaching things on the top shelf at stores. Disadvantage having to buy cars like most people buy clothes, as in do I even fit in it? My wife has a Jeep Liberty which is the perfect size for her, I can't sit up straight in it. I have to lean to the right as my shoulder and the B pillar want to be in the same space. It makes it uncomfortable for long drives.

    I think as in most things you have to see both the good and the bad, and try and change the things you are not happy with like weight. Along with accepting the things you can not change like; height, skin color or sexual orientation. Everyone can try and eat healthier and get more exercise which is good for mental health along with physical health.
     
  20. Movbroxi

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    I like the fact that I have brown eyes and that I'm extremely tanned for an Irish person (I've been mistaken for French, Spanish, Polish and Greek).

    The only thing I'm insecure about really are my scars. I used to cut myself and I have a few leftover scars.