Wait for the wedding invitation. That's my plan. No, you don't have to. It's completely up to you. There is nothing wrong with not telling them if you are presently more comfortable with that. If you want them to know so they can be supportive, and you think they will be, then tell them. Don't do it out of guilt or obligation.
earthguy.....Your sexuality is just exactly that...YOUR sexuality. You don't automatically owe anyone the right to something that is so very personal. For me, a major part of the decision as to whether to come out to someone or not depends on the relationship I have with them. I am very close to some people...people with whom I have had a two-way sharing that has been comfortable and lasting. Those people were some that I knew I would come out to, even though I didn't know for sure just when it would happen. There are others whom I will never tell...they are good people, but we just don't have that kind of a close relationship. My father passed away before I had accepted that I was and always have been gay, but my mother is still with us. However, she is 90 years old and I see nothing positive in telling her that her only living son is gay. If she did understand, it would only make life more difficult for her...why would I want to do that? You need to evaluate your relationship with your parents. You don't mention your age, you haven't told us if you live with your parents or if you are financially dependent on them. How close you are to your parents and if they hold any strong religious views are also big factors in the decision to come out to them. If you feel comfortable sharing those pieces of information with us, we could give you a better idea of what we think may be the best choice for you. In the end, it's so important to remember that coming out to anyone should always be your choice. You should never come out because you feel pressured to do so. Keep us updated on how this all goes...you are part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care...we care a lot! .....David
Didn't tell anyone till I was 42. But have now told my parents and close family. Alot of my work colleagues know but like someone said above, initially I told people who I was close to and often I knew personal things about them. Some friends I messaged, no-one has disowned me. As time has gone on, I am now telling more people. Some have been a bit taken aback, as they know I'm married with kids and iI say well I had a 3 yr gay relationship in my teens . It's a journey and you only tell people when your ready. I'm leaving the marital home in the next few weeks but life goes on. Looking back I wish I had just introduced my teen gay partner back in the 1990s BUT if I had come out then I would not have 3 amazing kids ..
You don't have too. It is alright not to. I want to because I am a very open person and hiding for me is painful.
Thank you all for your lovely reply's. It not that I don't want to come out it just I don't know how would they take it. I was reading about people who only come out in there later in life.
You are never under any obligation to tell anyone. However, you will feel a lot freer if you don't have to hide who you are.
Well I personally wish I had come out at about 20. I think you may be fairly young. My advice would be to come out and at your OWN pace and when the TIME feels good. At 43 it's causing me and my ex wife alot if heartache and missery. do give it thought, also wait until you are financially secure....
You don't have to tell anybody anything. However, my dad and I have a much better relationship since I came out to him.
I'm 21 and am just came out to my mom. I only really started figuring things out a lot for sure this year. Before that I came out to my sister as bi at eighteen/nineteen I think? But I just came out a month ago to my mom. I'm glad I am young as you say, but I wish I'd known and come out sooner though.
Can relate, I went round to see my dad last week on my own which I haven't done in 20 years . I would normally only go round when mum is there. His quite old but has been looking for apartments for me which was so sweet.
I'm really pleased you found yourself so young. Your path in life should be smoother. There is a few of us in the forum coming out later in life and in most cases it don't end well. People get hurt and take sides.
Well I'm leaving the family home, hopefully in a week or two. At the moment, I am not in a good place, but I've always been a survivor. Once I get that key, even if I sleep on the floor I don't care. I will start from the ground up. My kids can come for sleep overs....And I will hopefully find love....
You certainly don't have to and you shouldn't do anything that you feel you might regret. The one thing I will say is that as I got older I find that I regret the things I didn't do at least as much as the things I did. I came out about twenty six years ago, starting with my parents, at about 21. It's around the age that I honestly feel most people should consider coming out generally. Yet, what is my biggest regret in life thus far (I'm 47)? That I didn't come out earlier. My Mother was physically ill for a week when I came out--it was awful. But it ushered in a whole new stage of our relationship and of my life, and when they say how I blossomed, how I had obviously been burdened by the secret they got on board. Living your life in fear of what people might think, editing yourself in ways large and small, assuming that the people you know wouldn't love you the way you actually are, is just such a waste.
Difficult things are often worth it in the end. It's going to be hard, but you can do this! Are you getting any counseling? Just wondering. Even a few little insightful talks can be helpful as you transition, in my opinion. The big step you are taking seems right, but leaving the family home... well, I have known many that have done it, including my ex, who I consider one of my best friends, and all of them faced a rock-bottom depression at some point. I had to get used to my kids spending time with him as well, and it was strangely depressing at first when they were gone, even though I needed a break as a full-time single mom and wanted them to spend time with him. When you remove something big in your life to make a change, something routine, it feels like a blank slate. SUCH a RELIEF, in some ways, but also empty, until you can carefully redesign yourself. It takes patience. There are also some great self-help videos and websites online. The not-so-great ones stand out as quite amateur. And if you ever get really low (I hope that you don't), the suicide hotline has phone and online chat options. You don't have to be holding a gun to your head to reach out to them, but if you are stuck in your mind with thoughts of self-harm swirling about, it's good to get that out to someone that isn't trying to sell you something. Hugs! I hope the next few weeks are not too rocky for y'all.
I am having counselling had three sessions and one this Friday which I really need. I feel up and down. I will find it hard being alone . Ex will be ok as she has a boyfriend. I would like one too but not sure it's the best time. I'm gonna hit a bad place but will pull through. Thank you for your advice which I will take on board . I will concentrate on my work, running and the LGBT groups i have joined. I have three people I can talk too.... Rade X ,
