Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by faultyink, Nov 19, 2017.
Know a lot of people, but don't have any one I would call a close friend. Other than my partner.
No I don't.
I used to have quite some friends, a group of over 25 people, over the years those numbers dwindled, though I've also found that 3 of them are currently my best friends for over 13 years now, I feel privileged that I have friends like this, it's also the reason I divide between real friends and people whom you just get along with well for a while.
No, and I don't want a lot of friends. Friendship, like any good relationship, takes work. I'd rather put my energy into a couple of good friendships than spread myself thin trying to maintain a multitude of half-assed ones.
Its interesting that you view friendship this way.
I don't think I've ever been someone with a lot of friends. Acquaintances, sure, but it tends to be one or two very close people at a time. I'm actually surprised when someone remembers me and has a positive reaction to seeing me again.
Quality over quantity
I have a relatively big group of people I hang around, but I’m definitely the excluded one in the group. I kind of just hang out with them because if I didn’t, I’d be sitting alone. I don’t have many real friends. I’ll be going to a huge high school next year. It’s a combination of three high schools all on one campus, and you can have classes in multiple schools. There’s so many people there that I’m confident I’ll find my group eventually. It’s basically a mini college campus, and I always saw that school as a huge opportunity. I don’t know any LGBT kids at my school right now, but I know there’s a shit ton of them at my future high school. There’s also still a shit ton of homophobia there, but I don’t really care as long as I can find a strong group of real friends. I went to a church camp that I had to go to last year, and there was a whole boatload of gay kids and as soon as I picked up a bag of skittles we all flocked to each other like seagulls. None of us wanted to be at that camp, but we ended up having lots of fun together. For once in my whole life I was actually popular, not even just among my group of gayreptillians. Everyone thought I was really funny, and it was the only time I really felt appreciated in a social environment. Not even my social anxiety and inability to maintain a conversation held me back. Anywhere else I’m an outcast. But all those people I hung out with are all graduating from that camp next year, so I probably won’t see them there again. Which really sucks. So now you see why I can’t wait to get into that kind of environment again. So either my dreams will come true or my dreams will be crushed, and I’m a little afraid to find out what the outcome will be. Anyway that was my long ass story you may continue your scrolling.
*Becomes curious.* How so, man?
I will say I found this interesting too. I guess I have a fairly wide friend circle and have often been surprised at how people who I thought were more acquaintances have really come through for me when the chips were down. I guess I've never really thought of it as work. I mean there's some effort involved I suppose but you get so much back. I feel like friendship sort of buoys you up so that, even though there is some effort involved, in the end everything else feels like less effort because of it. I may be some sort of an outlier though: people are always talking about how you have to work at a successful relationship and I've always sort of felt like if it feels like work it's not working.
I only have 8 friends, but I never saw it as work, it's not as if there is maintainence involved is there? I know a lot of members are asd, so I guess it would be work of social interactions weren't your strong suit
. Are you on the asd scale?
I've had people ask me that before, both online and offline. I've never been tested. If I am, then I am probably "just barely".
I find that I'm not a particularly social person. Although I can flirt, mingle, and otherwise socialize, including getting along quite well in the "hooking up" scene back when I was single.... I find that the interactions (aside from the sex itself) all took a certain amount of effort. Remembering to check in on friends and be sure they are doing well, or keeping in touch in general, going out and doing things together, etc. All of this feels like effort to me.
Hell, I have a friend that just shows up on my doorstep to visit on a regular basis and even having him around in my own environment sometimes feels like effort on my part, and I'm not even doing anything but being in his presence.
The only exception to this is my twin sister, who lives with me, incidentally.
All that said... for those very few friends I have, this effort is well worth it... and they get used to (or at least are understanding about) when I forget to "check in" for weeks (or sometimes months) at a time.
You're weird lol, I never thought of it as effort, though if Im being honest, maybe Im "that friend" and its possible that my friends see it as effort to hang with me. Im very sociable, if socially awkward, Im always eager to socialize even if I often say the wrong things; I never had the opportunity to properly socialize until I came out. Before I came out, it was like I was living a half life.
*Chuckles* I'm okay with being weird. *Grin*
You sound like the friend I mentioned above. I appreciate him, as well as his friendship and his unexpected visits. Hell, sometimes he just comes over to plop in my lay-z-boy and watch tv. And, if I need time alone, I just let him know I need some "me time" and he's cool with it.
Im not as cool as that, Im still trying to learn how to phrase things, a lot of what I say comes across as sexual innuendo or back-handed compliments.
While Twist has a need for social interaction from time to time, he doesn't have a great need for alot of it.(Or extended periods of it) Nor does he often seek out attention, friends or otherwise. He's someone who is very, VERY comfortable with his own company and can get so focused on his work that it's hard for even me to catch his attention
He's also not super comfortable in large groups, though he can fake it better than most and it would be hard for most to tell that he was uncomfortable at all.
I have to agree though, I'd rather have a few good friends than alot of casual ones.
Most people suck and alot of friends usually means alot of disappointments at some point in the relationship.
I only have a few close friends but I treasure them because they are real and we have deep conversations that I enjoy.
I have a lot of friends, but I'm close with only a few of them.
*Chuckles and points up to what @Gideon said* He has made a decade of studying every little aspect of everything that is about me..... so, if you want an expert on me, you couldn't find a better one than Gid, even if he's extremely biased in my favor.
As I've told you, love...being biased does not make me -wrong-
Only exceptionally lucky