Do you have a certain type ?

To me, one of the more freeing factors of growth is when we reverse how we approach self defining, when we use all the social/cultural labels to explain who and how we are rather than trying fit into social/cultural notions of what those terms mean.

I think we often tend to treat maturing/growth/development as holistic, but i wonder how often it really works that way? i think in some ways we may 'grow up' really fast, and other ways we might be stunted. i think that is particularly true with our sexuality when we are different from heteronormative in some way/s. How well can one grow living in a closet. Living in a dark place, alone. But for most, only part of us is/was 'closeted,' so other parts of us do grow and develop, and to the world we present as 'mature.' i think all of this is way more complex and nuanced that i am putting this, with myriad variations because we are all individuals, no two alike, so one description will always fall short.

A couple of speculative thoughts. i wonder if there can be a part of some of us that is attracted to younger than us because that part of us is still younger? i.e., it did not have the chance to come out and live while in the closet, and when we do make it out of the closet, different parts of us are at different ages. Our body may be 40, but some of our sexual self may still be adolescent? And again, i don't think it's that black or white, i'm thinking pieces and complexity, just introducing the idea.
i also think that attributes like Top/bottom/versatile/Dom/sub/masculine/feminine ad infinitum are all descriptors people have come up with to try and communicate what is, how we are. i think the tendency of culture/society is to group: Men/Male is masculine, top, dom, Women/female is feminine, bottom, sub. and that becomes the 'norm' one must present as to be accepted socially/culturally. But is it really "fem" or female to be sub or bottom? Is it really masculine or male to be top or dom, or are there really infinite variations and combinations? The reality is, there are dom women who are top and there are sub men who are bottom, as just one overly simplistic example of how reality doesn't fit the notions of what is 'normal.'
i do think that nature is full of examples of opposites. At the smallest levels of our knowledge, we know that atomically there are positive ions, negative ions; protons, electrons, neutrons. For lack of a better way to but this, i see humanity as a more complex expression of nature. Some of us are more proton, some more electron, some neutron and we 'naturally' attract (or repel) to each other accordingly, and form compounds, bonds (and call it 'relationship').
i'd reverse the way you put it Altenaro, to me acting 'dom' because you are the 'elder' would be "playing the role" in your case, and being sub would not be acting a role, but being your true self.

 

I find myself being more feminine than masculine these days. I grew up at a time where male roles were forced upon me. I am finally letting them go