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Do you enjoy intimacy?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by tulman, Mar 28, 2013.

  1. tulman

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    This is my first started thread. It can apply to all ages but the EC Powers were thoughtful enough to create a section for older members (I certainly qualify) so I'll use it.

    Do you enjoy intimacy as well as good old hot sex? I think most women do, men maybe not so much. In fact women often complain about "slam, bang, thank you, mam" sex with men.
    I've been attracted to men only for many years but before that I was bi since adolescence. Years ago I was interested in sex only when it came to men but as my attraction to women decreased and my attraction to men increased I also became more interested in the more romantic aspects. Now I really enjoy things like getting to know a guy (mainly those around my age) over a nice leisurely restaurant meal, cuddling, massage, hugging, snuggling under the covers, running our hands over each others bodies, nibbling, kissing, that sort of thing. I've yet to come across a guy who likes it as much as I do. In fact I know I scared one guy off with it. In one of those "afterglow" moments I was laying next to him with my head on his chest and arms around him when he slowly pushed me away, got dressed an said "I gotta go". He started making himself scarce after that and I got the message. Too bad, it was far from our first time together and I always enjoyed his company.
    So, how about it, fellow ECers. Your thoughts on intimacy. Thanks.
     
  2. Owen

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    (Since you said it can apply to all ages...)

    I definitely enjoy the intimate side of things just as much, if not more than, sex. To the extent that it might have annoyed the last guy I was seeing; I wanted nothing more than to cuddle after we'd have our fun, even though I usually had to convince him to stay for every second of cuddling I got afterward.
     
  3. skiff

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    Hi,

    Intimacy is very important to me but not directly after sexual climax. Prior to climax yes, after climax not so much.

    Outside of sex intimacy is critical to me. From an arm over my shoulder, snuggling, brushing my hand under his shirt and caressing his chest, touch in general are important to me. Even if simply on a hike him leaning on me as we rest.

    Then there is the intimacy only shared eye contact ca bring, where a shared glance speaks volumes.

    I prefer the meal idea. Lots of conversation getting to get to know a guy. I cannot hook-up for sex as I need to establish a foundation of friendship first.

    You are not alone brother.

    I have always known I was gay, my mistake came from not finding a gay man who could reciprocate the above when I was younger. This lead me to seeking it with a woman (doesn't work in the long run). I am sure these guys existed when I was in my 20's I just never found one.
     
  4. AKTodd

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    My partner and I hug and kiss several times a day. Hugs often turn into back rubs or scratching, which he really likes. Mutual foot massages are common. He doesn't like to massage my shoulders much because he says it's like massaging rocks but I'm planning to set up a recurring monthly appt with our massage therapist this summer so that issue will be going away soon.

    At a more intimate level, I am a huge fan of kissing and lots of that and lots of body contact are almost always part of our sex lives.

    Todd:slight_smile:
     
  5. Zach

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    Big time. I really like to be close and cuddle and all that. That's the main reason my boyfriend and I broke up after a couple of years, he only wanted sex. He didn't like cuddling or kissing at all.
     
  6. BMC77

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    I can only speculate. The difference between Big Foot and my boyfriend/husband/significant other? One has never existed as of today. While Big Foot might be currently running around the Cascades for all I know.

    That said, I think intimacy would be very important to me. Guys who only want sex, and nothing more, will have to look elsewhere. Like the pages of a certain classified ads web site that along with overpriced junk (Windows 95 Computer! Runs like NEW! ONLY Five Hundred Dollars!!!!!!) offers fast hookups.

    ---------- Post added 28th Mar 2013 at 01:18 PM ----------

    Again, this is speculation, but I think I'm the same way. I can imagine myself having casual sex, but there would have to be something else. Given a choice between:

    1. A friend who's not very sexy.
    2. A stranger who makes a porn star look like a fat, falling apart slob

    I'd go with Option 1.

    I think this is particularly the case for when Sexual Experience #1 comes up, if it ever does. It would be less stressful for me. There will be a chance of various problems, and, somehow, it seems more bearable having that happen with a friend, than some stranger who leaves, muttering "I should have gone with that other guy. At least he wouldn't have____!"
     
  7. Monocle

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    Don't know if women are allowed to answer, but... :wink:

    Back when I thought I was straight, I hated non-sexual physical intimacy. Cuddling, holding hands, having a guy's arm around my shoulders, resting my head on his chest, whatever. It ALL felt wrong, no matter how close the man in question and I were supposed to be. And that confused me, 'cause I always loved that sort of thing in romance novels, and I don't think of myself as a cold person. Theeeen I realized that I loved the thought of doing all those things with a woman, and... well, the rest is history.

    Ultimately I think it just depends on the person and where they are in life. I know I can't imagine snuggling with a casual sex partner (not that I really "do" casual sex as such :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:), just like I can't imagine shoving away a woman I'm in an actual relationship with.
     
  8. LD579

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    Many people like physical intimacy. Some people are more touchy-feely than others. I definitely am. People who shy away from that either may have issues or hangups with contact, or they just don't prefer it. It's simple.

    To the OP: It just sounds like you've gotten unlucky. I don't know how long you've known the guy, or where you met, or how your relationship progressed (all of which are large factors)... Depending on the answer to those, perhaps cuddling and such wasn't the guy's intentions, and / or wasn't on his mind, from the beginning.
     
  9. June Cleaver

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    Being a girlie girl at hart, yes I love intimacy. Mike my partner falls asleep 30 seconds after finishing. Thats a man for you! LOL! So I just snuggle up beside him while he sleeps until I fall asleep. I learned a long time ago that if you want intimacy from a guy, get it before you finish him off. I too have noticed most guys just want sex, it's the nature of the beast..... June
     
  10. greatwhale

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    I am definitely in the "cuddles" camp, before or after hot sex, it's an important component of the experience for me, and hopefully my partner.

    Much more so since I came out though, which is really interesting, since I no longer indulge in hookups.

    But I can see where this would be quite weird for those who are unused to doing this with a man.
     
  11. June Cleaver

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    Sooner or later some guy will get you all hot and bothered! Don't laugh, some fool probably would buy that computer! Until I got this HP laptop last year, I was still using my good old reliable IBM Toatable 386 running Windows 3.1 and I can't tell you how many people asked me to sell it to them. One guy offered me $800.00 for it! :roflmao:
     
  12. malachite

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  13. Kay

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    Intimacy is a requirement for me to even become sexual. I really need the entire package. This has not cramped my style. I can't speak for males I have never had a relationship with one. Women are very responsive to the process of friends first. I open up easily about who I am. There is definitely a friendship formation process and then we go deeper and really discover each other. Yes there may be some caressing and kisses along the way hand holding under the stars but the sex piece comes when a deep connection is made. I can't ever tell when that is or how it will happen. Before I can even start this process something goes off inside me and I need to know and understand this woman better. Physical appearance never matters. I don't fall into the myth of beauty. I don't really pay that much attention the personality at first. It is as the woman and I begin to know each other that personality becomes a part of the whole package. So I would say that my sexual life is based on intimacy. Then comes the sex piece. hugs
     
  14. nikom87

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    Yes I do and always have been. I am a big cuddler and my husband is as well, so I lucked out there I think.
     
  15. Nyanko

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    Even with friends, I enjoy being all touchy-feely. But if it was with someone I'm dating, I'd love it more. You see, I'm a huge cuddle cat and I love being hugged, snuggled and whatever, so even after the so-called hot sex, even if she's knocked out or whatever, I'll be all up on her like a koala bear and never let go.

    Outside of the alone time, holding hands or having an arm around the waist/shoulders is a necessity! I wouldn't want to just have the closeness be limited to just the bedroom.
     
  16. TrangNhi2154

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  17. PeteNJ

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    Lord, it feels totally ridiculously great having sex with a man, and laying with him, waking up next to him, great.

    One of the "mature" guys in my coming out group, who like me was married a long time, said that sex with a man is 10,000 times better than with a woman. Then we talked -- as much as it surely was the physical sexual part, he also admitted it was the emotional connection.

    Damn - about to leave the house on a first date with a guy... hope its a great night <smirk>.
     
  18. SimpleMan

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    I've never really experienced it as I am incredibly sexually repressed, but I think it will be really important to me. If it was just about gay sex for me, I think I could have kept those urges at bay through fantasizing/masturbation. It's the intense longing for meaningful intimacy with a man that is pulling me out of the closet more than anything else.
     
  19. saggitarius91

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    Up until this moment in my life, all I've had that connected me to other men were hookups. Rarely did I see them more than once but I slowed down and pretty much became abstinent to mull things over. I never had a boyfriend, the reason being that I feared that close connection and sometimes still do, by nature I don't show affection and don't really like to be touched. After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that I do want that connection; I want to take it further than just the physical acts, I dream of coming home to someone I love.