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Do you consider it transphobic...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BreezyB, May 17, 2021.

  1. Unsure77

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    For me, it would likely mean I have a new and very dear friend, I mean, I guess I’ll see if it ever happens (if it could become a physical relationship). But more than likely, I would have a lovely new friend who I care a lot about.
     
  2. clockworkfox

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    I think having some doubts at the point of disclosure makes sense, and that's where conversation turns awkward. How do you ask that one question burning inside cis people everywhere when they encounter a trans person?? Forgive me for being a bit teasing, but it's true, and I do understand, because there is even more variety among trans bodies than among cis bodies.

    I think that's what's the most telling in this scenario. If you are tactful, respectful, and you aren't objectifying of the trans person, it's fair to admit if you're concerned about the feasibility of the relationship working out, and if you're willing to talk it out with respect and love in your heart, that's what matters. I think that's all any of us are really looking for. I certainly wouldn't want to try and carry on with someone if my being trans was a deal breaker for them, but I would hope to be able to talk about things first - I would hate for them to blow me off because they're suddenly making all kinds of assumptions about my body, and what kinds of sexual things I may or may not enjoy...that's where things begin looking prejudiced.

    That conversation can often get buried in cis relationships as well, and that's something else to keep in mind. Do you expect your partner to like certain kinds of sex, or to share your aversions? Just some more food for thought.
     
  3. ErickWolf

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    For me personally, all of this hits the nail right on the head! Respectful and decent is the way to go about it, and everybody involved needs to keep a level head and try to listen and understand. Humans and relationships and sexuality are complicated, so it's not as cut and dry as it's often made out to be. There's also some stuff that definitely is prejudiced, like if they made assumptions or pushed stereotypes or something, cause...ack. No. That kinda stuff is not okay.

    As a trans guy who is into guys, I've also had to deal with the assumptions and stereotypes and stuff, and it sucks. The people who said that stuff to me don't get the difference between attraction and preferences versus...prejudiced and assumptive and stuff, and they also think (and have said) that being trans inherently makes somebody unattractive or less wanted or whatever, which is just nasty and shitty and absolutely prejudiced.
     
  4. jaxyu

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    Definitely agreeing. Respect is really important in something like this. I think the reasoning behind not wanting to date a trans person matters the most, because sometimes they could have a good reason. Sometimes it could be prejudice, which is definitely not okay.
     
  5. clockworkfox

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    I think it's also important for cis people to realize that there are many reasons for trans disclosure. Trans people who have had GRS might not choose to disclose their birth status at all, while others might still feel compelled to because it's a part of their history. It all depends on the individual. The bottom line is that disclosure puts us in a vulnerable position. If you're questioning whether or not you're carrying internalized prejudice, consider how you would handle the disclosure of someone close to you - chances are you would want to listen, be respectful, be supportive, even if the nature of the relationship is altered by the news. Carry this empathy with you for the future. That's how to dismantle transphobia.