Just wondering whether I'm being totally unrealistic having a relationship with a woman who lives more than 2 hours drive from my home and who also has children to care for? Obviously we need to strike a balance between motherhood and carving out a little time for each other... Can anyone share their experiences in this regard or offer any advice?
Not really advice... but I read your post in the self acceptance thread and it was really nice, I definitely felt moved when I read it. You sound like you really like her. Did you meet online? How long have you been seeing each other? Is moving in with her an option or is that too fast? Do the kids know about you? How often do you see each other? Sorry if I’m being too nosy!
My now ex and I were in a long distance relationship for almost two years. We had met in college and lived at opposite ends of the state (5 hours apart) after graduation. I won't say that it was easy being that far apart from each other, but it did make our relationship stronger. We had an unbreakable trust in each other and learned to find ways to make the distance bearable. The times that we were able to be together were special because they were so infrequent. It made us really focus on each other and what was important in our life. It helped us to communicate better and build a solid foundation for our future. When we were finally able to find jobs in the same area, we moved in together and we both liked to think that the distance really had made us stronger as a couple. We still had new challenges to navigate, but by fighting to stay together despite the distance, we had built a strength in each other and made ourselves worth fighting for. I spent ten wonderful years of my life with him and now I still call him my best friend. I can't promise you that your relationship will weather all the storms that life throws your way. But, if you feel like this is someone special and worth fighting for than I say go for it. Let your heart rule over your mind. Speak freely about your concerns, but don't go down without a fight worthy the feelings you have towards her.
Gideon and I have been in a long distance relationship for 9 1/2 years. We live over 2500 miles (over 4000km) apart. Successful long distance relationships depend on a number of things. Included in this are... 1) Know your expectations, and theirs. Where do you want the relationship to go, and are you both on the same page? What is considered cheating, and what isn't. 2) Honest communication. Not just concerning expectations, but in all things. This includes communication about feelings, not just for each other but about different things you discuss, etc. If you are feeling a distance develop between you, you bring it up and talk about it. If things change in your life that make for changes on when and how you stay in contact, you talk about that and each other's feelings where it's concerned. Essentially? Communication is one of the top most important things in a relationship, and it is doubly important in a long distance one. 3) MAKE time for each other. If you can make time to eat and sleep, read and/or watch tv.... then you can make time for the one you love. Make sure you do, even when life is at its busiest. And when life is at it's busiest, make sure they know you are putting making time for them as a priority because they are important to you. There are more aspects, but those are the big ones. Good luck!
Yea. What Twist said. Communication overall is key to making the relationship last. Especially if the long distance is a long term situation. With that being said I have a personal vendetta against long distance relationships (for my own relationships, not anyone else's, you do whatever you want) because I've had such bad experiences when I was younger. Although I guess I am a romantic in saying that as long as both people try hard enough it can work out. And I'm not talking about trying hard not to cheat (definitely a stereotype), its really about making time for one another and deciding if its worth it or not. Its not for everyone (including me). Ironically I am currently in a long distance relationship (something I vowed never to do again because of how it affected me in the past). But its different now and as long as I graduate on time we will be together again by January. Good luck. You can do this. Long distance sucks and we are here for you.
My relationship started off as long distance with a 3 - 3 1/2 hour drive between us. I think for me long distance is totally doable to begin with, I don't know if I could be in a relationship where the distance was never going to get any smaller but I agree with @NeonSocks, I think it can make it stronger. My relationship was long distance for 3 or 4 years before we moved in together. If you really like her and it sounds like you do then why not.
My opinion: YES I think they work but if and only if you have an end goal. Meaning, you must say "in x amount of time, we will move to the same city" or have some sort of plan. If it's just a long distance relationship where you endlessly aim to visit one another, then it's likely to be doomed (from what ive seen - anything is possible!)
From the posts on this thread, it looks like a yes. At the beginning of our relationship my partner and I were about a 50 minute drive away from each other, so not really long distance. But, as I couldn't drive at the time and there was no direct public transport between our locations, the bulk of the travelling was down to my partner, which was nearly a deal breaker for him. It also depends on what somebody wants from a relationship. My partner couldn't see the point of being in a relationship if you couldn't see the other person at least several times a week (which didn't help our travel situation), whereas I thought we should appreciate the time we had. I didn't feel any need to see him more often at that point, so I suppose we wanted different things.
I’ve read through some of your old posts so understand your story better now so apologies for all my nosy questions! But still agree that you write really lovingly about her. As others have mentioned I guess you both need to decide on an end game so you both have something to work towards and look forward too. Would moving in together with all the kids be something you both want? Do you want to create your own family together? Or is that too fast and you want to keep things as they are? I think you need to talk to her about your concerns as she is probably thinking the same.
We started out writing letters (lived 1500 miles apart). Then worked up to phone calls. Then made a visit. Then another visit. And another visit. Been together for 25 years. We took our time with each step. Didn't rush through. Talked through everything. So, yes long distance relationships can work. It did for me. Take time, talk through everything. Hope this helps you, Peterpangirl.
Yes, they can! My relationship with my ex was long distance. We totally made it work. There are so many ways to close the miles. The one thing that was missing for us is no hope of that gap ever closing. She wants to stay in her marriage and stay where she is, so that is ultimately what ended it for us. It’s all much more sustainable when closing that gap is a goal of the relationship. If you have that then I feel it’s very doable and worth while...no use in passing up a good connection when there is a possible future
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. My main fear is that I would be moving to her home town, leaving all my friends support network behind and uprooting my children's lives. How can we know how we would actually get on in daily life, as a couple or as a blended family? How do we explore this possibility without causing endless trauma for our children? My children would then only be able to see their father at weekends, because his job ties him, so maybe contemplating such a move in the future is just plain unfair on them and their father, who is a loving Dad.
That is definitely a tough one as you both have kids to think about. Would moving to half way of where you both live be an option? I think you would need to some how try out being one big family at weekends or something so you can see how it works etc before making any big decisions. How old are the kids as I assume they will be changing schools and loosing friends etc too?
Hey I do think they are logical understandable fears but I think they are all overcomable in time. I mean this isn't something you would be considering for a while until you are more sure that the relationship is strong and long term. I think in between now and then I think you do things as a whole group (when you are ready) to get a better idea of how everyone will blend together. Day trips, outings, holidays, I think generally it is ok for 2 families to blend as long as it is approached in the right way.
I have a friend here in US and he has LDR with someone in my country (in Asia region), the distance more than 10.000 miles away His LDR more than years but I dont know exactly how long. Next Jun they will married in US. Even though they have LDR but they love each other. they are single (white, older guy one is divorced). I think it depends on, if they love each other LDR will be success but if they are not love each other, it will be not success. Also, communication is the key of relationship. They have good communication, everyday they communicate with free comm application. If one of them doesn't love and cannot available for communication, it leads to unsuccessfully LDR.
