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Do I sound like I'm FTM? I tired of doubting myself.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by soupycampbell, Mar 7, 2014.

  1. soupycampbell

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    I feel like a Canadian
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am pretty sure I'm FTM, but sometimes I get scared that its wrong. I guess am asking for somebody to give me the check yes because that always makes me positive. So here's everything I guess:
    Since I was little I've seen myself as male but never really put much thought into it. I would always want to be a male in all of the imagination games all the kids were playing (of course they laughed and called me a girl and made me be some female person). I preferred the guys toys and would get mad if I was given the girl one. I remember once I told my mom to say I was male at burger king so I could get that G.I. Joe :grin:. Then I got a little older and was told I had to start wearing bras >_< I fought it for months. I would get tissues and tape them around my chest so my mom would think that I was wearing it but when I got to school I would take the tissue and throw it away. Eventually she found out and I was forced to. I remember feeling miserable and humiliated when getting those and shopping for clothes I would look longingly at the boys side. Then the bloody thing happened and things got worse. Last year I found out about trans people and the more I read the better I felt, finally knowing who I was. A year later, here I am, out to friends and a few others and passing 90% of the time.

    Here's the kicker. My mom and two of my friends tend to invalidate my gender and just when I felt like its all there and figured out, they got me baffled again. This makes me feel crappy. It makes me lose my confidence and make me doubt myself as a male.

    I just need somebody to say "hey, you're a man and they are ignorant." I guess because this makes me feel more dysphoric and sucks so much.
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC!

    I don't like confirming things like this because it's not my place to say who is and isn't trans or whatever. However, let me write something here, and you tell me how you feel about it, ok?

    Most of the time I know who I am. I feel the same way I've always felt. I feel like a guy most of the time and I'm happy about that.

    Every so often my mum and two friends say something and I start to question again. Then all of a sudden I feel like shit!


    Forget other people for a while, forget the past if you need to and just think about this.

    Imagine you woke up in a different place. You were still you, but instead of your mum and those two friends you're in a house with other people (who I guess you are friends with). When you wake up, are you going to wake up feeling like a man or a woman?
     
  3. Owl333

    Owl333 Guest

    Sorry they're not being accepting yet, hopefully they will come around soon. Welcome to EC :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. lameo

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    TN
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Welcome to EC, we all face doubt and we will all get through this. Good luck!