If in middle age I come out to myself and to at least a few others do I have to have sexual contact (ideally for me very limited) with another guy (ideally a friend) to own it and know it?
No, otherwise straight people would need to be non-virgins before they were allowed to say they were straight or interested in opposite sex. But if you want to have sex, there's nothing wrong with that either.
Hey Me2b, As Creativemind said, the answer to your question is "no." Sexual orientation is about your romantic and sexual attractions, not your actions. If you read through some of the threads in the LGBT Later in Life Forum, you will find many stories of homosexual men and women Coming Out Later in Life after spending multiple years or even decades in heterosexual marriage. And many of them have children. Some of these people went into their marriages already knowing that they were homosexual while others only figured their sexuality later. However, having sex with opposite sex partners did not change the fact that they were homosexual. So what would you really be 'owning' by having even limited sexual contact with a same-sex partner? Does that make sense to you?
Thank you both. Answer to this latest question: YES Answer to the previous: Well limited because It might be all I want: Some sort simple of bonding and appreciation of my male physicality and vice versa, something I have never had the opportunity for in my adult years, not to mention the "gay" contacts of my youth; those were not by any means filed with understanding of one another. I don't know how to go about connecting with a friend in the present day in this way and so it will aways probably be a fantasy. I am benefiting very much by accepting the gay in me I am very happy to know that the contacts of my youth and that my present day yearnings are not unhealthy or unnatural. But how to be open and connect with friends simply sharing sights and arousing inspiration and maybe limited touches of our physical beings. I don't know. Any suggestions? (anyone!)
Hey Meb2, Coming Out is always a personal choice and you should only Come Out if/when you are comfortable doing so. Are you asking for suggestions about how to Come Out? Are you asking for suggestions for finding a potential boyfriend?
Going to sleep here, however please people, keep your replies, thoughts and insights coming. I will reply tomorrow
There are numerous ways of Coming Out. You can be straightforward and tell someone (or a group of people). You can write a note/email/text message to whomever you want to Come Out to. If you are active on social media, you could update your status or make an announcement there. To be a little more subtle, you could wear Pride jewelry (such as a rainbow wristband) or clothing. If you have an item that you carry around with you a lot, maybe you could put a rainbow flag sticker on it... Ultimately, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to Come Out to someone. Just go with whatever way is most comfortable and works best for you. In terms of making contacts in the LGBTQ world, you could do some online research for a nearby LGBTQ center which you could check out. In many locations, there are LGBTQ-specific groups (sports, hobbies, interests - like hiking groups, chess groups, book reading/discussion groups, etc) which, again, you should be able to research online. You could also check out meetup.com. In many areas, there are LGBTQ-specific groups that meet up fairly regularly. Just some thoughts.
Hey Quantumreality has given some really great advice. As he said there is no right or wrong way, just whichever feels right to you.
You don't have to have sex to really know whether you are gay. But it sure sounds like you want to! Haha... Hope you find a good partner soon.
Coming out or coming to terms with your sexuality isn't about the number of partners you have in your lifetime It's about accepting yourself for who you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin.
If it means anything, I haven't had sex with another guy yet but as each day passes I get more & more certain than I'm gay.
To come out to myself first and foremost right? Maybe part of the exercise: to take quiet and happy pause to look at my whole male physicality in the mirror and say aloud that is great; that is .. well better not go there for what may be Empty Closets decency guidelines that make this place so right and ssfe. Or maybe get past that to know true progress and conquering of shame?) A touch of "dirty talk" here okay in describing what I see in the mirror? Well even if so I think I may be too scared to proceed, or maybe I am in the wrong Empty Closets forum.
What, I think I am off on a tangent after the question of "To come out of the closet to myself first and foremast right? That is the constructive beginning; the rest not so much to the point of Coming Out in Middle Age, kind of stream of thought so never mind.
