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Do I hate my parents?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Riyuzaki, Jan 11, 2016.

  1. Riyuzaki

    Riyuzaki Guest

    I'm 18. Lately I've been asking myself this a lot. 1st of all I don't want to hate them but I just feel it. Have for the past 2 years.

    They don't know I'm gay but just knowing what they would do makes me dislike them. I avoid them when I can, but when I'm home I often get into all sorts of fights with them, i offend them, can't stand them and I don't even want to talk to them or see them. Also, when we are on good terms (which is rare) i'm a bore so they probably can't stand me too.

    For the first 16 yrs of my life we were great. They were lax, always let me and my bro do whatever we wanted, they favorised me and we were close, in case of my mom even too close. And now its like i blame them for being such parents, i dunno. Like, they gave me attention and all, but didn't teach me some basic stuff kids should know (ex. they never even tried to teach me how to tie my shoes so till i learned it later i wore shoes without shoe strings of which i was embarassed, ...). They did all the chores and now I dont know shit about household management. And now i feel i am ungrateful, spoilt and egoistic, i will even tell them that, but i still dont like them.

    Also, stuff they say about gays (which i wont write here) are also another main reason that i feel this way - raise me like u love me, then you'd be willing to kill me? Call me evil and stuff, but when i even think about it, i just couldn't care less if they burn in hell. Along with me, as i consider myself a bad person because of all this, but i do not mind it...

    So i act like a real bitch to them, have for a few yrs, and only sometimes feel bad because of it. It's sth like - since they'll kill/disown/whatever me, then why act like we're all cool and good like we used to be when i know already they would treat me even worse.

    They are good parents, they give me food, clothing, housing but dont teach me to do shit, thats the reason i went to a boarding school - to escape being totally dependent on them. Sure, they have flaws (ex. father is an alcoholic but never hurt me or anything) but all in all weren't that bad parents. Now just because of this don't think they are some horrible parents, they aren't, but certainly, at least to me, not very good either.

    So, we don't get along very well because in my head i feel like i hate them. So I act like an ungrateful bitch to them, which i don't find that undeserving.

    This was not a tantrum or a sudden outburst of "teenage hate". This is what i genuinely feel. And i am an evil b*tch, i know.

    So, do i have some problems with them, myself? Am I wrong?
     
    #1 Riyuzaki, Jan 11, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2016
  2. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    It doesn't sound like you hate them. You just hate things that they have said, and you hate the fact you can't be yourself around them.
     
  3. Riyuzaki

    Riyuzaki Guest

    Could be. But the thing is, i don't want to live with them in the future or have anything to do with them, just like they wouldn't if they knew. Which is weird for me, as i always see and read that lgbt people who get thrown out, disowned or sth else want to make their family understand them and eventually reunite with them once they "forgive" their kids for being who they are. And I don't want any of that - if they did that to me, it would be over between us and in fact i'd feel relievied in a way. I seriously doubt there's gays out there who feel this way. Most of them want to be accepted, i think.
     
    #3 Riyuzaki, Jan 14, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2016
  4. SHACH

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    Well, my mother is not really someone to be arguing with, she doesn't respect my opinion on anything she feels truly strongly about. Plus she uses things related to my sexuality (i havent told her she just suspects) to make fun of me during the many small arguments that we have. So I really have no desire to go though the hurt of trying to turn her around. I would like to leave home as soon as possible just so I can stop being anxious about my own identity and what I do in my own home. But I don't completely hate her. I just feel the need to get out of her grasp. And I will certainly contact her, though I won't be rushing to visit her. I don't think having no desire to turn your parents around makes you hate them. I would reconsider not ever contacting them though. If you just generally keep them updated on your life.
     
  5. Ravi-VIXX777

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    This brings back so many similar memories, it's almost scary. Although I think I might've had it worse because I did come out (didn't end well and it was forced) and financial problems occuring. As for you hating them, I don't think you do. You seem to feel indiffernt about them. Like you don't want to inflict pain or make them suffer, but rather you could care less.

    I think what's best for you would be to distance yourself when you are independent and financially secure. And I too plan on cutting contact with mine soon enough. I've tried convincing them to open their minds, but I'm not going to put my mental health at risk for them because I've done that before. Especially because my mother is one of the most devout christians I know and both my parents are stubborn as hell.
     
  6. bookreader

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    Nah, you don't hate them, you just don't like the things they do. Could you try and have a talk with them?
     
  7. Riyuzaki

    Riyuzaki Guest

    Yes, i also think getting away from them is the best solution. About talking to them, i don't know how that would work. I won't tell them about my sexuality, and if i bring up how i think they were bad parents in some ways, it will probably end up with my mother crying and father not talking with me for a while. Now that I'm at home for a few days we don't have much to talk about.