Do I come out to my Mum who was sexually abused as a child?

Hi all

After realising rather late in life I have recently come out as a gay guy in my early 50s, I am out to my wife but I feel that I should come out to my 80+ Year old Mum so that we have on secrets between us. A few years ago on her 80th birthday she shocked me to the core by telling me that when she was 6 years old she was abducted on the way home from school and sexually abused. As if that wasn’t bad enough her father blamed her and moved the whole family to a different village because of the shame? Her farther later abandoned her and her mum, I don’t know why, it’s never been discussed, and I am somewhat reluctant to pursue the matter since I never knew my grandfather.

My mum told me that because of this she had never been “very good with men” and although she has always loved me she has never been a “touchy-feely” kind of mum who dished out hugs and kisses. For many years I struggled to understand this, I feel that it has rubbed off on me to a certain extent and influence my relationship with others, but following this earth shattering revelation I now understand why this may be.

So my worry is that she may see me being gay as a sexual perversion and in some way link it to her traumatic ordeal as a child causing her great pain and destroying our relationship for the rest of her life. I have no idea how she would react to the news and for the time being had accepted that even though I want to tell her it’s probably better if I don’t. Things are further complicated by my sister who doesn’t know I’m gay, and I don’t think she knows that mum was abducted and abused either. So if I come out to my sister I would have to tell her not to tell mum without fully explaining why.

Now I’ve got that off my chest I would welcome any suggestions / advice.

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