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Do gay people experience ever heterosexual desires?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rainshad59, Apr 13, 2018.

  1. Chip

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    This might help clarify: There are many, many gay guys who, in their early teens, felt attraction to women. Many of them had girlfriends, had sex with said girlfriends, and everything else. But these people aren't bisexual. What happened is that, due to societal messages (religion, media, judgment from parents, etc), these people assumed that they were straight, and acted accordingly. And they probably experienced some level of arousal and excitement. (Honestly, when you're a teen, you can get excited by almost anything... a tree, a stick figure drawing... that's hormones for you.)

    But then, as they began to pierce the thick armor of denial that we all have to go through... the real feelings started to emerge. And like you, those feelings get stronger, and the heterosexual feelings start to decrease... because they were never really genuine in the first place, they were more learned behavior than instinctive.

    So that's why people will sometimes label themselves as bisexual as they are coming to terms. It serves as a bridge to self-acceptance, and it allows one to explain the earlier behavior. This isn't to say there aren't people who are genuinely bisexual, but in your case, it doesn't sound like there is much current attraction toward women, so that would lead to the probability that you are gay.

    I hope that helps.
     
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  2. rainshad59

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    Oh thank you, that is a really good explanation! And that could be quite possible.
    Well, as my heterosexual feelings have not totally vanished, I would say that I am currently bisexual, but I will see how this will go...
     
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  3. Love4Ever

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    I disagree. I don't subscribe to the belief that attraction, of any kind, to either gender, can be fake or illegitimate. If you were attracted to girls at one point, enjoyed being intimate with them etc then you're not 100% gay imho. I don't think attraction works that way, if you were attracted at some point those feelings WERE real. Now people's preferences change, now you say you're not really into women, and that's fine, but I don't think heteronormativity is so strong it can cause you deep down inside to feel things that aren't real. That is giving way too much power to society to dictate what we know about our inner selves. Obviously, I think it can steer us to being straight, and of course it will encourage us to keep same sex feelings under wraps and denying them, but creating opposite sex feelings that complete feel real? I don't think that's possible without you have a real predisposition.
     
    #23 Love4Ever, May 5, 2018
    Last edited: May 5, 2018
  4. OGS

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    I disagree and frankly I think most gay men would disagree (I think it's likely the majority of gay men my age would disagree based on personal experience). Denial is a powerful thing and thinking that desire of all sorts isn't heavily socially constructed is just silly. Add in to that mix a period when you're young where you really aren't sure what it's supposed to feel like any way and the fact that friction feels good and it can be exceedingly easy to convince yourself that you're having root urges where there really aren't any, beyond the root urge to feel what you're supposed to feel.

    I thought Chip's explanation was pretty spot on.
     
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  5. TheJack

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    I don't know. I always found that concept weird. I mean wouldn't that kinda mean that you did technically "turn gay", like your sexual orientation changed in a way? I don't completely buy it. Remember, most of the human race is on "The Spectrum", so what's to say that the attraction and desires of the opposite sex were real at one point, but we're completely nerfed by your much more dominant attractions in the same-sex; the attraction to the opposite sex is still there somewhat, but it's not anywhere near the intensity of your same-sex attraction, so it's not really focused on or given any significance.

    I think that sounds a little better than "Denial is so powerful that you it created the illusion that you were attached to the female/male body and liked having sex with a female/male". My friend grew up in a school where although homosexuality isn't frowned upon, it isn't exactly looked at in the best light by dudes, and he's 99.8% gay. He didn't come to this conclusion when his heterosexual feelings disappeared, and that was because he never had them to begin with. He's a basically a Kinsey 6, and that's sorta what all of my gay friends explained to me; that they've barely had any sexual feelings for the opposite sex.

    In fact, wouldn't that kinda mean that every teenager ever is sort of on the chopping block? Kinda like you shouldn't trust your current feelings because they could all be a lie or a delusion? Hell, some of the reason why I was so confused with my sexuality was because I read a couple of stories of gay people who were once straight/bi and it always worried me that I was really just deep in denial was super gay underneath. (Still sorta does)
     
  6. OGS

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    This argument comes up every time this particular issue gets brought up and all I can say is that's not how it felt--at all. I think it's really interesting the number of people here who are so quick to tell me what happened to me and what it felt like. Like Chip said, it's not even that uncommon--I've known countless gay men who describe it the same way.
     
  7. TheJack

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    I’m not invalidating your experience nor your friends, I’ve just always been suspicious of the concept that society can somehow make you attached to the opposite sex and those desires weren’t real at all when you figured out you were gay. Denial can do a lot and convince people they’re really straight, but to the point where they can feel sexual feelings to the opposite sex? I don’t know, maybe I’m just dumb.
     
  8. rainshad59

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    Well, for me, my heterosexuality has been real. I can't say that I am totally gay and I know that. I would say that at most I am Kinsey-5, but the thing that has been bothering me, is the possibility for me to have a straight life. I can have sex with a girl, but I like prefer having it with a guy. This is really bad...
     
    #28 rainshad59, May 17, 2018 at 7:41 AM
    Last edited: May 17, 2018 at 7:43 AM