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Do gay men date in the traditional sense?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by justaguyinsf, Jan 7, 2018.

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  1. SiennaFire

    SiennaFire
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    I'm cross posting my reply to this thread so I don't hijack the other thread.

    Objection - counsel is making a lot of assumptions and generalizations contained in his dilemma. It seems to me that you've made the conclusion that you can't find more than the physical in gay men and that you are fighting hard to prove yourself right. It's been my experience that there are gay men out there (especially gay men who were previously in a straight relationship) that might be able to give you what you seek. Granted it takes more work to find men of this caliber, but we're out there.
     
    #41 SiennaFire, Jan 20, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018
  2. SevnButton

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    Hey justaguyinsf, just to chime in on some great information and perspective here, you don't have to play by anyone else's rules. If what you want is to make a connection first before moving on to intimacy, that's your right.
     
    #42 SevnButton, Jan 20, 2018
  3. justaguyinsf

    justaguyinsf
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    Thanks for keeping this thread alive, men ... and thank you Sevn and Sienna for your comments! I would quote them here but I have found it very difficult to get the quote function to work on this new message board.

    I was pondering your comments a bit Sienna and no doubt I will keep trying and looking. But I think the deck is stacked against me and my type, at least here in SF. C'est la vie. I went to a gay book club on Thursday night at a decent restaurant and met several very well-spoken and intelligent guys around my age ... but I felt zero chemistry. Probably a lot of that had to do with the nature of the venue and event ... but I came away saying to myself "am I really gay?" Oy vey.
     
    #43 justaguyinsf, Jan 20, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018
  4. zuice

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    To gaze into someone's eyes and become enabled to dream is the ideal dating experience.
     
    #44 zuice, Jan 20, 2018
  5. SiennaFire

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    I find the new system to be easier. Simply select the text that you want to quote, pause, then select Reply from the popup. The quoted text will appear in the area where you compose your reply. I'm using Chrome.

    I would find it difficult to find chemistry in that situation myself. The key is to figure out your type. it sounds like guys your age are not your type. I found myself in a similar situation and discovered that I'm attracted to Asian guys. It sounds like you might benefit from exploring other potential types. Or maybe you need to find someone who is similarly educated as yourself and wants a relationship, which is a needle in the haystack exercise for sure.

    HTH
     
    #45 SiennaFire, Jan 20, 2018
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  6. justaguyinsf

    justaguyinsf
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    Thanks Sienna! I use Chrome too but I have so many problems with this message board, with random deletions of text especially problematic. I've found I have to keep posting and then editing the same message to avoid losing text. And I don't like the text quotation feature because the text doesn't appear until after you post ... bad idea.

    As for my type, I know it ... masuline, in-shape, intellectually open, responsible, edgy, mature, and "straight acting" for lack of a better term. Race and age less important. A fairly narrow range of choices, I think.
     
    #46 justaguyinsf, Jan 20, 2018
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  7. justaguyinsf

    justaguyinsf
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    [Continued from the previous message that got screwed up]

    I once did a thought experiment where I tried to estimate the percentages of men who have the traits I value and I concluded that there were probably a half dozen in SF who on paper would seem to fit me. But that's where my query about dating came in, because intangibles like chemistry and personality are super important, and you really need time together for them to emerge ... unless you're looking for instant sexual chemistry. And I agree with you about the chemistry at the most recent venue ... but I can still hope!
     
    #47 justaguyinsf, Jan 20, 2018
  8. SiennaFire

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    I use Chrome on Windows 10 with no issues.

    I'm wondering if "in-shape" is causing you to be overly constrained in your search given your other criteria?
     
    #48 SiennaFire, Jan 20, 2018
  9. justaguyinsf

    justaguyinsf
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    Well there ya go ... I successfully quoted your message! Maybe there's hope for me yet!

    As for "in-shape" I definitely don't mean super-athletic, as that's not a standard I can live up to. But I mean someone who takes good physical care of themselves ... going to the gym regularly, not a couch potato, height-weight proportionate, and the like.
     
    #49 justaguyinsf, Jan 21, 2018
  10. OGS

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    I always think it's interesting how different people view people and what's out there. It seems to me that I met more than a half dozen guys who fit that description the last time I was in San Francisco and, while we certainly met a lot of people (we've always found San Franciscans to be oddly friendly), we certainly didn't meet all of them. The one thing I will say is that most of the guys I know who fit that description, myself included, wouldn't even consider dating someone who said they were looking for someone who was "straight acting."
     
    #50 OGS, Jan 21, 2018
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  11. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Why is “straight acting” deemed to be so important by so many? This type of requirement might say quiet a bit about the person looking for such characteristics, and maybe it’s worth exploring why such characteristic us sought after?
     
    #51 OnTheHighway, Jan 21, 2018
  12. justaguyinsf

    justaguyinsf
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    Yea, "straight acting" is a clumsy term and not something I say to anyone ... I think what I was trying to express was that I'm a fairly conservative professional guy and there is a way that fairly conservative professional men act that is generally toward the masculine end of the scale ... hard to describe what it is but sort of sober, serious, not flambouyant, reserved, etc. If you spend time in that melieu you can feel it and also know how characeristics that are at odds stand out like a sore thumb. And its not just (seemingly) straight conservative guys who notice this ... gay men are notorious for trashing each other unmercifully for femmy characeristics/mannerisms. (See, e.g., "Do I Sound Gay?") I have been with several guys had some of those more stereotypical characteristics and I just overlooked those traits and enjoyed the person as a whole man. But in a perfect world ...
     
    #52 justaguyinsf, Jan 21, 2018
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