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Do "ex-" people bother you?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Libertino, Mar 26, 2016.

  1. beastwith2backs

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    Ex- gay? Yes, it worries me that someone actually thinks like that. Ex anything else? No, not at all.
     
  2. thetruthurts88

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    I come from a muslim country...you can not be gay...you have to go to therapy and that therapy is supposed to work, if you say its not working its your fault your not trying hard enough.

    So I don't hate ex-gays, but I hate when they say 'it worked'...look just say that you chose to believe you can control your impulses and keep them to yourself and that in your opinion this is the right thing to do with your life, but that you still have sexual thoughts about the same gender.

    If you married a woman...just straight up say it, I don't like the sex, but it is like dieting in a way, I don't eat what I like, but I eat what I believe is best for me. Because that is the nitty gritty detail they always ommit. I'll be open to listen if you do that.

    Not that nonsense of being able to magically change your sexuality, and that you are now straight and that you were 'confused'... and that your sexuality is now completely reversed.

    Racially for example, as a middle easterner, I am disliked by most 'middle easterners'...they feel I am white washed, and have abandoned my 'race' 'culture'..and in a way gay people view ex-gay people the same way. But here is the thing..I don't run around saying well..I am white..or I don't know arabic...or to go to great lengths to come across as of as 'white'...or say well arabs are indeed nasty...go get them. Or that there is not a lot of qualities that I still admire about the culture and utilise.

    Some identities are more exclusive...as opposed to inclusive...lgbt accepts all kinds of things and support it, ex-gays wants to demonize people, and come across as look at me, I am the holy one here...same for my culture..there is so much you are prohibited from doing and pursuing and you are demonized if you do, while the 'white way' is more inclusive.

    So it is not fair in my opinion when the exclusive sides, criticize the inclusive for not...being 'really all that inclusive'....Your whole philosophy is to exclude me??? If you have the power you would exclude/annihilate me...so ya..sorry it does urk me...I'll just stay out of your way...unlike you, you'll demonize me and seek to make an example out of me.
     
    #22 thetruthurts88, Apr 2, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  3. Kaboom

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    Maybe :lol:
     
  4. angeluscrzy

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    I swear, some part of me expected this to be about people who now chose to identify as a cat or something. I wouldn't find that particularly annoying, yet I would think they're crazy as all hell.
     
  5. Glowing Eyes

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    Other than ex-gay not really. The thing with ex-gays is that they (as most people in this thread have already said) tend to believe conversion therapy works and tend to be homophobic. Although they do sadden me more than they irritate 'cause of the way they repress themselves due to societal pressure.
     
  6. peterw78165

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    This post made my day.
     
  7. rudysteiner

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    'Ex-gay' doesn't bother me at all, it's more comical.

    Things like ex-racist, ex-homophobic, ex-whatever else are more refreshing than bothersome.

    Things like ex-paedophile, ex-wife beater, ex-stalker, etc. will always, always bother me, and obviously this is where the line is crossed.
     
  8. findingjoy

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    I probably won't make a lot of friend here for saying this but....
    I have to disagree with everyone here. It seems the only thing people really object to is "ex-gay" maybe it's the term.

    But if someone chooses to live and identify that way - why do you object? is that any different then others objecting to your self identification? All I can say is the hostility is palatable.

    I also think that for many people sexuality can be fluid, and I also think that some people can have life changing experiences that do alter their sexuality.

    I know it took a lot of energy and work and overcoming a lot for most people here to 'identify' but for others, they may find for true personal choice, that they are doing 'the work' the opposite way.
     
    #28 findingjoy, Jul 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2016
  9. thepandaboss

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    Not really, unless they're the ex-gay, ex-trans nutjobs.

    You could even say I'm like an ex-agnostic. I'm an atheist from an agnostic family. (Agnostics are not QUITE the same thing as an atheist even though an agnostic is a skeptic. Agnostic: "well, I guess there could be a god or whatever." Atheist: "No.")
     
  10. peterw78165

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    I'm with you on this. The whole "ex-gay" thing pisses me off.
     
  11. Sandmann

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    American Horror Story: Season 2, comes to mind. The lesbian journalist, we know as Lana Winters, is subjugated to ex-gay therapy (although it is 50 years prior to what ex-gay therapy is today). It is horrifying to watch. Look it up if you're curious.
     
  12. Hunter8

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    No, the concept of ex-gay does not bother me. I think it's wrong to downplay the reality of a gay person's experience when it comes to that. If a person honestly identifies as ex-gay (for whatever reason), then I believe that person is entitled to at least being respected. You don't have to agree with that designation, but I don't see why there is a need for the gay community to invalidate a professing ex-gay person's mindset. Each person's journey is unique, and what occurs to some may not occur for others. But we can at least hopefully learn to respect the right for people to have viewpoints and claims that may not necessarily resonate with our own.
     
  13. findingjoy

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    totally agree. I am a gay - new to it, struggling to accept, but now I want to be gay, and ' get there', and i can see someone wanting to the same as an ex gay.
     
  14. Libertino

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    The problem with "ex-gays" is that the sole purpose of identifying as such is to proclaim their intent for others to follow in their footsteps. Otherwise, there would be no need to identify that way. Making sure others know you are "ex-gay" is a way to let others know that they can change their sexuality too, despite there being no verifiable evidence that sexuality can be changed in the ways that so-called "ex-gays" claim. I also don't believe any claim is automatically deserving of respect just by virtue of it being a claim, but that's another argument.

    Personally, an "ex-gay" is probably not going to have much effect on the lives of others unless they attempt to change other homosexuals or promote harmful ex-gay "therapy" and other methods that have been proven to be ineffective, and in some cases downright abusive. The point of recognizing "ex" people is that their story is often one of life-improving change, in which case, the natural desire is to want to share that change and allow others to experience it as well. For the sake of argument, we can allow for the possibility of changing one's sexual orientation, but we must also realize that for many people who attempt to do so, it leads to their lives being much worse--lives of denial, depression, and shame (not to mention the aforementioned questionable methods of "change" that ex-gays employ).

    So there are some valid reasons why people take issue with "ex-gays" and it isn't simply a matter of disagreeing with an opinion. The gay community has every reason to be wary of them.
     
    #34 Libertino, Jul 1, 2016
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  15. Miaplacidus

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    Just the ones who claim to be ex-something that can't be "ex'd". The classic example, ex-gay, was cited to oblivion in earlier posts.

    You can be, say, an ex-Republican, i.e. you can change your political ideas. But you can't radically change your sexual orientation, à la ex-gay.
     
  16. Hunter8

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    I think each person who identifies as ex-gay has had their own individual journey, and I agree that trying to force that particular journey on someone else is not necessarily the most helpful or realistic move. But there are undeniably a group of individuals out there who firmly maintain that their sexual attractions have shifted the other way. I personally don't see why this is so difficult to believe. I've heard many people on here talk about how sexuality is a lot more fluid than people realize. If it is truly a fluid concept, then why can it not theoretically change? You don't have to agree with wanting or trying to change a particular orientation. But if a person is genuinely convicted and determined to try and do that, it's not for us to judge that. I also think it's wrong to invalidate their purported success in such matters. We have not walked in their shoes, and therefore we cannot comfortably condemn their journey as though it were our own.
     
  17. 108

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    I honestly don't even understand what this thread is about, but technically I am ex-Hindu. What exactly is the problem with that? I went through a period of my life where it helped me tremendously, but formed my own interpretations of life and moved on, although my thinking is very much influenced by my time practicing the religion.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2016 at 10:02 AM ----------

    I guess at times I was gay, so now I'm ex-gay because I'm attracted to more than men? This is a confusing topic, haha.
     
  18. Libertino

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    I think an important distinction can be drawn between those who espouse sexual fluidity and those who believe they are "ex-gay". Sexual fluidity implies that sexuality is never at a truly fixed point, that it can change at any moment and has changed in the past. "Ex-gays" would probably not agree to that. They believe they have gone from one fixed point to another and would not acknowledge that their sexuality has the potential to change again. "Ex-gay" is about rejection of one sexuality for another, sexuality fluidity is about the natural and inherent shifting of sexual proclivities and the potential for these proclivities to always change.

    There doesn't have to be a problem with it; I only asked because sometimes "ex-" members of some "group", be it a religion or sexuality, may come to resent what they used to be and spend their energies trying to get others away from what they used to be. It sounds like while you don't identify as Hindu anymore, you acknowledge the influence it had on your life and don't feel any resentment toward it. But potentially there could be "ex-Hindus" who make YouTube videos about how awful Hinduism is and how all Hindus should convert out of the religion (I've seen this from ex-Muslims, for example). That would be a potential "problem" with an "ex-" person.
     
    #38 Libertino, Jul 2, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2016
  19. Hunter8

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    Libertino, I guess I just don't see what the big deal is. If a person believes he or she has changed their initial orientation to one that is more in alignment with the plans for his or her life, then I say fine. Some people find peace in accepting their orientation, which is all okay. But maybe that's not how it works for everyone who is experiencing LGBT attractions. Maybe for whatever reason, a person feels he or she can most authentically live out his or her life by trying to cultivate a straight orientation. Once again, you can believe such an idea is horrendously wrong. That's absolutely your right. But it's also absolutely the other person's right to live how they choose to live. I don't see how the ex-gay community needs to be such a thorn in the side of gay people.
     
    #39 Hunter8, Jul 2, 2016
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  20. Invidia

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    I don't think that's the case, since Michael Jackson didn't choose not to have black skin. He had a physical disease.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2016 at 08:56 PM ----------

    If one is gay but forces themself to live a straight life, they are mostly likely doing themselves a huge disservice. But as you say, that's really up to them. However. It's when they say that other people should do what they did that their behavior is very destructive, especially for people in the closet who might be religious or for whatever reason have shame over that they're gay, and who might listen thinking "maybe that's something for me!", only to ruin their lives. If they want to fake being straight, it's their life, but they should keep it to themselves in that case, I believe; and at the very least, they shouldn't encourage others to go the same way as they did.