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Do bi people who don't use labels do it only because the gender of the person does not matter?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MerryGoRoundMi, Nov 21, 2021.

  1. MerryGoRoundMi

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    I was wondering, I have heard some bi people don't use labels and is this only because the persons gender doesn't matter to them or are there other reasons to not use labels?
     
  2. FireFox

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    Maybe they don't want the title
     
  3. Jakebusman

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    I like to use the Bi label makes me feel part of a community
     
  4. BiGemini87

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    I think you'll find the answers are as varied as the people who give them. For some, they simply don't want to be constrained by a label, whether because they think the label might change in the future or because they're uncomfortable putting themselves into a box. For others, it could be the reason you stated. Or it could be that they are still working out just what their sexual orientation is.

    Personally, I use bisexual because it feels right. I'm not too concerned with labelling myself so much as having a clear-cut way to explain/express my feelings/attractions should the topic arise. Particularly after many years in which I didn't understand/acknowledge said attractions. The first time I said it out loud to myself, it was (cliche as this sounds) like the final piece of a puzzle snapping into place.
     
    #4 BiGemini87, Nov 22, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2021
    caden0803 and FireFox like this.
  5. MerryGoRoundMi

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    If someone has a preference or feels diff about gender,then gender does matter right?
     
  6. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Also can someone with a heavy bi preference not use a label or can a heteroromantic bi not use a label/
     
  7. gravechild

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    That sounds more like pansexual, tbh
     
  8. Aspen

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    I would like to point out that if a person doesn't use labels, you can't say that they're bi. Bisexual is a label and there's no way for you to say for certain that's the one they would choose if they were forced to pick. Basically anyone can refuse to use a label, regardless of their sexuality. Most people choose to because it's an easy way to describe themselves in a way that someone else will understand. That's all labels are, really. Language invented to communicate your sexuality to other people.
     
  9. MerryGoRoundMi

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    So can someone who is heteromantic bi with a heavy preference not use a label?
     
  10. BiGemini87

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    If that person feels that those things matter based on their own experience with attraction, then yes. But if they have a preference and otherwise state that gender doesn't matter on the whole, I would take that at face value, too.

    Of course. Everyone is free to use labels or not use them for themselves as they see fit; just because someone's attractions can be defined as bisexual, doesn't mean they are obligated to use the label. And if they prefer someone not describe them as such, then it's incumbent upon that person to respect their wishes.

    Let me spin a hypothetical scenario for clarification: Say that as a bisexual, I claim that the person's sex or gender presentation doesn't change how I'm attracted to someone; that male or female, what attracts me to them remains the same. That sounds like pan, right? But what if I prefer using bi? If someone labelled me as pan, knowing I prefer bi, I would be well within my rights to tell that person, "no, I am not pan" and that they do not get to decide my sexual orientation based on their perceptions.

    In sum, no one is obligated to use a label that feels uncomfortable to them, no matter how well it might define their sexuality.
     
  11. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Thnx
    BTW, I had another question Like I remember a while back, for example, Josh Hutcherson said he's never been attracted to men but is open to the possibility of dating one if it happened. So like if someone straight says they've never been attracted to the same gender but are open to the possibility if they felt it, is it the same as bicurious or just being open minded
     
  12. BiGemini87

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    I'd say in this case it's more open-minded. For bicurious people, it's in the name--it involves wondering what it would be like to be involved with the same sex, sans the attraction. :slight_smile:
     
  13. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Figures, also, what does it mean to say someoe is not necessarily LGBT. Let me use Josh Hutcherson, who a while back said he was open to the possibility of dating a man if the right guy came buy but has never found one attractive before. And folks said he was not necessarily LGBT. What does that mean
     
  14. Jakebusman

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    Maybe hes Bi Curious
     
  15. BiGemini87

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    I would take it to mean that unless Josh Hutcherson himself claims to be LGBT, it's best not to assume he is just because he's open to possibilities. It doesn't mean that he absolutely isn't LGBT--just that without his confirmation or denial, we cannot know for sure (anymore than we can know regarding anyone else).
     
  16. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Oh just to clarify, and reaffirm, if someone has never felt an attraction to the same sex but are open to the possibility it may happen and would not be opposed if they felt it, that is just being open minded correct?
     
  17. BiGemini87

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    In my opinion and experience, yes, that's accurate. That being said, if the person in question were to call themselves bicurious, that would be fine too. :slight_smile:
     
  18. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Isn't that different from being bicurious though as you said? You said . For bicurious people, it's in the name--it involves wondering what it would be like to be involved with the same sex, sans the attraction? So its not bicurious, correct?
     
  19. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Oh but there is a chance he absolutely is not, no?
     
  20. BiGemini87

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    Yes, there's a chance he absolutely isn't, true. But as we lack definitive information regarding his orientation, we can't say he is absolutely one way or the other. That make sense?

    In this case, this is more of a "what is accurate contextually" thing. If someone has wondered without being attracted, they can call themselves bicurious, and that would be true--or they can call themselves straight, and that would still be all right because that is their honest perception based on their experiences/understanding of their own sexuality. Basically, there is some overlap, and what it comes down to is a blend between others perceptions of a person, and that person's perception of themselves. One or both might not be entirely accurate, but this doesn't mean they can't use the label (or none) based on their personal experience.

    Hopefully that's not too confusing. :slight_smile: