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Do asexuals masturbate?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by mlansing, Mar 7, 2018.

  1. Chip

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    Your friend isn't speaking of the widely-used definition; she's talking about the one that a small bunch of people made up and have been very vocal about. That one is so broad it's essentially meaningless. Saying "asexuality is a spectrum" would be like saying "heterosexuality is a spectrum".

    Here's an example: When someone has the flu, biologically, they have no sex drive, because the body basically shuts that down so it can focus on healing. But nobody with any common sense would say that this person is "asexual" for the time they have the flu. The majority of asexuality (as the small-but-loud group defines it) is behavioral/environmental rather than hardwired. *All* of the asexuality as it is widely recognized is hardwired in the same way homo and hetero and bisexuality is.

    Please, when we're talking about this important information, let's rely on factual information, not hearsay from some random person.
     
  2. DarkWhite

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    Well it has to be hardwired since it happened with my first kiss and I was never abused or anything. You never know Chip ;P
     
  3. Chip

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    Well, it turns out, many of the people who have the behavioral symptoms you describe do, in fact, have issues that they may never be aware of. The simple fact is, revulsion generally is not a hardwired sexual trait.

    The statistics tell us that most people who have a revulsion to sexual behavior have something, sometimes an event that happened very early in childhood for which they have no conscious memory, that is at the root of the behavior. I don't know your history and can't definitively say, but I can tell you there are an awful lot of people who insisted there was nothing in their background that could cause their issues that... once they went looking, discovered otherwise. Not saying this is the case in your situation, but statistically, that would be the most likely circumstance, and when we're talking to a large community of people such as here at EC, I'd prefer to give them the most likely circumstance, not the rare or almost unprecedented one. "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras."
     
  4. XefrAce

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    Hi, asexual person here. Personally, i'm very sex repulsed so i do not masturbate, but there are some aces out there that do and that doesn't make them any less ace.
     
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  5. dudette

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    But here is the question which makes me wonder, since wet dreams tend to include sexual fantasies in the dream such as homosexual fantasies and heterosexual fantasies ALSO it is possible to have asexual fantasies when wet dreaming. Then aren't the sexual fantasies during the wet dreams also indication of someone's sexual orientation (I mean is it possible for gay to have heterosexual-wet-dreams or for straight to have homosexual-wet-dreams). I do realize that it is possible for everyone to have asexual-wet-dreams such as "writing a math test or something asexual and then you wake up with jizz in the pants". But AVEN says that wet-dreams do not indicate sexual orientation even if the dreams are purely homosexual or heterosexual. What do you think?
    I mean then realization if you are gay through wet-dreams is just a huge BS (since someone told me that he realized that he is gay after this wet-dream).
     
    #25 dudette, Mar 18, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2018
  6. Chip

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    If one has sexual fantasies when having wet dreams, I'd argue that person isn't asexual according to the widely-used definition. I do suspect that fantasies associated with wet dreams are probably tied to hardwired orientation, but I haven't seen any research on this. AVEN is full of baloney (as they are on most everything) if they're claiming that there's no connection whatsoever.

    And it would be nice if you would please stop quoting AVEN on stuff... you'll save everyone hassle. It's sort of like quoting InfoWars or Fox News. Pretty much everything there is unsubstantiated group think that has no basis in science or even consensus thinking by professionals.
     
  7. dudette

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    I am sorry, but it still blows my mind that as "allosexual with high libido", you can just live without masturbating or any sex, and its not a big deal.
     
  8. XefrAce

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    I think what you're saying sounds about right!

    What is the widely used definition you're talking about? The one i know and have seen a lot is that someone who is asexual does not experience sexual attraction. What part about having fantasies/masturbating invalidates experiencing sexual attraction?

    Also, what's wrong with aven? From what i've heard of them they're a good resource for asexuals.
     
    #28 XefrAce, Mar 19, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2018
  9. dudette

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    AVEN is not good resource since some allosexuals do not experience sexual attraction (you look at the person, and you want to have sex with that person according to AVEN), and it doesn't make them any less allosexual (like myself).
    Additionally, there are allosexuals like myself who just do not masturbate, and do not see the need to do it.
     
  10. dudette

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    I mean this is the reason I really like @Chip here on empty closets <3 because he sees the issue about AVEN and possibility of misunderstanding your own sexuality as allosexual (you think that you are asexual but in reality you are allosexual) when you read about "asexuality" on AVEN. Of course like @Chip says that there are also allosexuals who suffer from depression, social anxiety, etc. and it also can make they feel asexual
     
    #30 dudette, Mar 19, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2018
  11. DarkWhite

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    Good to know I'm not the only one who gets repulsive feelings from such things. And @Chip this means you own me a beer :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  12. XefrAce

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    I was trying to say that asexuals do not experience sexual attraction at all. Aren't allosexuals people who do experience sexual attraction? I do agree with your last sentence.

    Are you saying aven is misleading? The overview that is given when clicking the read more button on their homepage seems pretty clear to me. Is there any specific place you can point to where the wording used could be misunderstood?

    Also, being asexual isn't a feeling. I think you meant to say that there are allosexuals who suffer from depression, social anxiety, etc. aren't as interested in sex as some allosexuals who doesn't have depression, social anxiety, etc.
     
    #32 XefrAce, Mar 19, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2018
  13. dudette

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    Aren't allosexuals people who do experience sexual attraction? Yes (according to real definition of sexual attraction) and No (according to the AVEN definition of sexual attraction). most allosexuals do not experience sexual attraction to random people. Most of the allosexuals are actually "demisexual" (it is not a sexual orientation, but a sexual behavior which is actually very normal among allosexuals, but since you are into AVEN, it will give you a good idea what I am trying to say). Furthermore, "sex-positive asexuals" are actually allosexuals since both "sex-positive asexuals" and allosexuals find idea of having sex, making out and foreplay the most arousing and not "sexual attraction" (you look at the person, and you get aroused just by looking at the person according to AVEN). Actually I think it would be very awkward for people to get aroused just by looking ("let me look at you, so I can get aroused and have sex with you" type of nonsense).

    The overview that is given when clicking the read more button on their homepage seems pretty clear to me. It is "clear", but the information on AVEN is false. AVEN tend to argue that allosexuals get aroused just by looking while asexual get aroused by the idea of having sex which is not true. Anyone who gets aroused by idea of having sex is allosexual (this is the real definition of sexual attraction). Furthermore, AVEN, argues that allosexuals are supposed to feel sexual attraction to random people which is also false (since most allosexuals feel sexual attraction to people who they feel romantically attracted to). Additionally, AVEN argues that it is impossible for allosexuals to stay away from masturbation and sex which is just huge nonsense.
     
    #33 dudette, Mar 19, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2018
  14. dudette

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    The AVEN's definition of allosexual only fits the people who are mentally unstable or emotionally unhealthy or just this stereotypically American Pie's sexuality.
     
  15. Chip

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    Sex repulsion has nothing to do with being asexual if we're using the widely-used term. Sex repulsion is a conditioned behavioral response. Asexuality is literally, from the latin, "without sexuality". So someone who is asexual isn't interested in sex, but also isn't repulsed by it; it simply has no interest whatsoever.

    Someone who has a strong aversion to sex likely has some behavioral conditioning going on that's interfering with normal sexual desire. This is one of the dangerous things about AVEN; they're promoting a whole lot of BS that simply isn't grounded in widely-accepted thinking among professionals , any credible research, or anything other than crowdsourced group think.

    Now... anyone is absolutely allowed to use whatever label they want to describe themselves; I can call myself 'unicornsexual' if I want. And most people recognize that the value of a label is to accurately describe who we are, so hopefully most people will want to use accurate labels to describe themselves.

    If it were me, and I had an aversion to sex and masturbation, that's something I'd want to explore, to see if there is an underlying issue that I could address, as that sort of aversion can potentially impact how we experience life.

    Also, "allosexual" is another unrecognized label used only among the Tumblr and AVEN community. It isn't widely used or accepted anywhere else, so as far as I'm concerned, it can go on the trash heap.

    Finally, yes, AVEN is pretty much a tiny but loud community of science- and crecible-research-free groupthink. They've essentially created their own view of the world, but that view isn't shared by much of anyone credible in the field, nor is it supported by research nor accepted by the overwhelming majority of people who work in the field. Evidence- and science-based thought (on which there's over 7 decades worth of research that's pretty exhaustive) is, if one is seeking accurate information, not something widely found there.
     
  16. XefrAce

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    Furthermore, "sex-positive asexuals" are actually allosexuals since both "sex-positive asexuals" and allosexuals find idea of having sex, making out and foreplay the most arousing and not "sexual attraction"
    This... doesn't make sense to me. The definition i've seen of sex-positive asexuals are asexuals who are ok with sex. Also, i'm not really into aven so i probably shouldn't try to argue for them. Personally though, if someone is ace and ok with sex, i still think they are ace.

    Or maybe their normal sexual desire is... nothing? I personally have never been interested in ever having sex or masturbating. I'm curious about this credible research that you mentioned. Do you happen to know here i could find that research? I'd love to read it.