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Do any of you LGBT folks ever feel left out/ different to general society?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Kelseyk92, Apr 28, 2020.

  1. Kelseyk92

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    Hi there,

    I'm a lesbian who's 27 years old and I've been out for several years (probably since I was 15). I've always accepted myself but as I get older and I socialise more at work/university and try and make friends, I feel more and more different to typical females in society (which makes me question my gender sometimes as well) every girl around me talks about men, sex with men and liking men. I understand the majority of the population is straight but I feel so different to other girls and like no one is like me, like I can't relate to them. I feel quite left out and isolated from general society and women of my age group to the extent where it makes me question myself... it's mental torture.

    Can any other lesbians or gay men relate? How do you deal with this? I do have lesbian friends but I also like to make friends at work and uni.
     
  2. HM03

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    I guess I feel mostly indifferent?

    When I was in the closet and freshly out, it was really important to have gay friends that could relate. Almost all my issues now are relationshipwise (ie. my dad & I - My dad treating my brother & gf's relationship different than mine).

    Now honestly as long as people treat me with respect and a few friends to sympathize with my issues and give advice (about well anything) then I'm happy.
     
  3. Marble Jar

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    That must be annoying. There could be others in the group who find that topic boring and are just going along with it. I guess you could try introducing other topics of conversation when you get the chance. Do you have anything in common with these people? It could just be that they aren't the right women for you to hang out with regardless of everyone's orientation.

    You could try looking into gender stuff to see if any of that makes sense to you, especially if you feel that it affects other areas of your life too.
     
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  4. LostInDaydreams

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    I get what you’re saying and understand the feeling, but for me, I would say it’s lessened as I’ve got older. From my experience, there was a lot more talk about boys/men at school and whilst it still crops up, it seems to have reduced with time.

    I agree that it might depend on the dynamic of a particular friendship group or the culture of your workplace. I’m still friends with four women from university, all of them are straight, but they were focused on things other than men so it was never an issue. We talked about other things, so I would agree that you could just be looking in the wrong place.

    Could you join some groups related to your interests? Try to find people with common interests?
     
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  5. Vesta

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    I have quite a similar problem. I came out at 16 which was fine, but I think because of the way I think about things, I've certainly made life harder for myself. I don't behave in the same way a lot of other girls around me have. They want to do all kinds of things and experiment. Or just be with 'anyone' so they're not alone. I refuse to be with a person unless I genuinely have feelings for them. I have rules for myself I won't break.

    I also behave differently than a lot of other girls I've met. Whether it be at home or during the time I was away at university for 3 years. I had people I'd talk to and socialise with, even had LGBT+ friends, but even then, it still felt like I was the 'different' one of the group.

    It hasn't helped that because of my age, it's as if there's a certain behavioural expectation that comes along with it. I struggle to just be myself around other people. I can't talk about the things I want to talk about with other people, save for 1 person who I'd met at university and returned to her home in another country after university was over.

    Overall it can be quite isolating at times. I expect that I'd probably have better results if I 'put myself out there' a lot more, but me being me, I just don't like announcing my sexuality to the world because I don't feel like I should have to.... which is primarily what's the cause of my problem.
     
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  6. xenu

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    I don't deny it's alienating. Unfortunately, it gets worse as you get older as people start marrying off and having kids. At that point their lives are completely child centric and it's hard to relate to them at all. I'm sorry to be the downer, but that's my experience.
     
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  7. CatWho

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    I completely agree with this. I'm in my 40's and most of my friends, close relatives or even new people I meet my age are married and/or have kids. Their lives revolve around their families. It kind of feels like I need to do their family stuff to spend time with them. And yes, it feels like I'm left out or detached when I do. I guess the key is to try to make some gay single friends, but that isn't easy. Since I'm newly out and only to some people, I'm hoping that I meet more people "like me". I think that is the best scenario.
     
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  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Not all heterosexual people have children, and plenty of LGBT people do have children. This is more a lifestyle choice, than down to sexuality.

    My LGBT group are considering running child friendly activities because the need is there.
     
    #8 LostInDaydreams, May 3, 2020
    Last edited: May 3, 2020
  9. CatWho

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    That is a really good point. There are a lot more LGBT families now. I guess since all my friends/family with kids are straight, it is kind of a double whammy for me. I guess if I had LGBT friends with kids I may feel a bit less disconnected.
     
  10. Meleager

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    I can relate but haven't worked out what to do about it yet. My experiences have been pretty much the same as the others mentioned here. But I've found that people mostly get better with age. If they're less keen to impress, they're more open. So, hopefully, some of the differences will seem less important as time goes on.