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Do Adults "Do" Birthdays?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ptri, Jun 17, 2017.

  1. Ptri

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    So the simple version of my question is this. Do adults do birthday presents?

    The longer version is that when I was kid, between being a military brat (not always having access to a lot of kids my age) and being socially awkward (I know now... after some therapy) I never really acted like a kid. I got told I was an "old soul". So I feel like I'm doing a lot of the awkward teenager stuff now even though I'm in my forties.

    One of the new things for me is that over the course of the last year I've developed a friendly relationship into actually having a "best friend". I think this is the first time in my life I can say that. We're both married to other guys so this is really just friends. The problem is that since I wasn't a kid when I should have been I haven't really had my "internal rules" adjust with me as I grew older so I'm not always sure what "normal" adults do.

    I want to get my friend a birthday present because he's honestly like the brother I never had and he's helped me in a lot of way and we share a love of several geeky things that our husbands don't. His husband on the other hand... We get along when we interact socially but there's not really anything special there. Now, my friend and his husband share a birthday and I'm 99% certain they know I know this. So I don't know if I should do something for just my friend or both of them?

    I could do something like take them both out to dinner for their birthdays but that doesn't feel special for my friend but it is probably the simple answer. I could get something "special geeky" for my friend and something blah for his husband but that feels "oh... and here's one for you too". I also worry the husband might think "why are you getting special things for my guy" (which is probably paranoid) but feels stronger when I consider doing something only for my friend.

    This is all assuming adults in their 40s do things for birthdays. Part of me feels wayyyy to old to do presents and part of me feels like I'm 12 years old asking mom if I can... something... and it is just weirding me out. Or worse worrying about internal stereotyping and I should or shouldn't because guy friends do or don't or gay friends do or don't or whatever. It also doesn't help that I've got all the socially awkward worries about getting a crap present if I go that route.

    Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks!
     
  2. Creativemind

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    Of course we do. I'm turning 27 and will still be excited to get books, video games, and other nerdy stuff. My Mom just turned 50, and was excited to open a bunch of sporty/fan stuff from everyone. She uses the gifts she got too.

    Presents have nothing to do with age....it's just that different people may want different things.

    If you want to give him a present, go for it.
     
  3. Fishtail

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    If you give him a present, give his husband a present too.

    Maybe helps to calm you mind by going with him to find a gift for his husband.
    The best outcome can be that you two find gifts he can use together.
     
  4. Myclosetisfull

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    I agree with fishtail. His husband might be a little worried if you do anything that makes your relationship to one of them closer without also bonding with the other. It doesn't have to be the perfect gift but if you know anything both of them might enjoy that is the perfect option.
     
  5. AlexJames

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    Tbh i didn't read your whole post. Its late and i have a headache. But i totally relate to the no birthdays as a kid! I literally didn't have a birthday as a tween/teenager. So as an adult i'm doing a lot of teenager stuff that i never got to do as a kid. Like my room right now looks like a kid's room lol there's bright colors everywhere. But yeah i think getting and giving gifts and having a birthday is still a thing even if your middle/parent aged. I think its just a bit muted, really. Like you might get a few gifts compared to the more you could have got as a kid. I know in college we took out our one friend that had a birthday during the semester to dinner and some of my mom's friends have no kid get togethers for birthdays sometimes.
     
    #5 AlexJames, Jun 18, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2017
  6. OGS

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    I think you can totally just get your actual friend a gift. My husband and I have been together for a long time so we don't really have friends that don't know both of us but we definitely have friends that are mine and friends that are his. Many are friends with both of us but frankly many are friends with one and acquaintances with the other. In my book you buy gifts for friends and, short of being invited to a party, you don't buy gifts for acquaintances.
     
  7. Ptri

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    Thanks all! I haven't decided what I'm going to do since it looks like all the options are "acceptable" to at least someone. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Ptri, Jun 19, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2017
  8. kyfry

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    Im 29 and birthdays for me at this point in my life just consist of any normal day for me, except I usually take the day off from work.