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Distancing myself from friend(long post)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ECMember, Mar 19, 2018.

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  1. ECMember

    ECMember
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    Yesterday I received a PM on Facebook from a guy I used to party with and had somewhat of a "crush" over. He had been asking me for pills which is something I was hesitant and gave me a red flag. There was other things that happened in our relationship(I don't need to get all detailed about that but if anyone wants to ask, I'll respond on that). I haven't heard from him since August 2017. Anyway, he was asking me for pills and I'm sober myself(15 months) and I know for a fact he isn't despite I know he's somewhat borderline alcoholic/addict. Anyway, he seemed so desperate to get pills from me and wanted to know my address and wanted to meet me, and he wanted me to go to his place. I didn't agree to anything but was attempting to "play along" with it. I thought he was bullshitting me. Anyway, I got a little frustrated by it and told him off on a PM yesterday when he was asleep. Then he PM when I woke this morning. He still wanted pills, I didn't agree to anything. Then we had argued a bit on PM. Kind of pointless. He then said some insulting things about my dad calling my dad "an alcoholic" which is untrue and questioning if I'm a virgin or not, which is irrelevant. He was going to block me off FB but I blocked him first.

    Blocking him seemed like the best thing I could do at this point.

    I only appeared to "hang out" with him as long as I did in 2016 seemed like he fit a type I liked: preppy, youngish looking, white, somewhat independent which goes back to someone I had a crush on back in 2010.

    I feel like I got this guy out of my life. But I feel like I need to replace him if I can. I mean, I don't want to find another asshole preppy white guy again that has substance abuse/mental health problems.
     
    #1 ECMember, Mar 19, 2018
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    It's really hard to change behaviors in the long run, and as hard or harder to let go of toxic people. You totally made the right decision here. Clearly this person, if he's so focused on pills (opiates, I'm guessing?) would seem to have a substance use issue, and that's the last thing you want to be around if you're working on your sobriety.

    The challenge in replacing him is finding someone healthy and supportive of your sobriety. Among gay people, this isn't always the easiest thing to do, but it is well worth it. Keep in mind that as you get healthier, and further along in your recovery, you'll develop a stronger sense of self and worthiness, and so not only will you more easily attract healthy people around you, you'll also have a better sense of who you do and don't want around you.

    It sounds like you're on the right track. I wouldn't be in a super hurry to replace him. I know it gets lonely at times, but I think if you take your time, you're more likely to find someone who will share your values and continue to help you grow.
     
    #2 Chip, Mar 19, 2018
  3. ECMember

    ECMember
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    He and I weren't together per se, I mean I met him at a recovery meeting on campus.

    Though he invited me out a few times to get drinks, pick me up on campus, invited me to his posh apartment. It felt like mini dates.

    On top of that he drunk kissed me twice, insuinated we had sex which never happened, called himself a "prince" and called me a "prince" once. Yeah I gave him a pet name like "preppy boy" because I felt like he enjoyed it.

    I feel like I was in a relationship with this guy despite no sex or anything remotely romantic.

    I'm not jumping in the saddle and looking for a guy now. I more concerned about bills and lookin for a job than jumping into a relationship.

    If I could I just want to find at least a decent, sober; preppy yougish, masculine White guy, near my age at least. I mean I'm unsure where to go. I'm not into bars/pubs/clubs.
     
    #3 ECMember, Mar 19, 2018
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