So... I'm a 18 years old bisexual with a boyfriend. I love him very much, but we only know each other from the internet. But we'll meet soon, so it's okay. When we get older, we'll get married (please don't mock me for being in love or having such dreams that might sound silly to you because I'm young) and I want to have a family with him. But there is a problem... I really dislike the idea of penetration in general. It doesn't matter if it's with finger, or penis, or whatever. I just really dislike it. I'm a virgin, but everytime I imagine that, it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable. You know when adults kiss in public and little kids are like "ewww"? Yeah, I am like that with penetration. I already tried watching videos about sex ed. and stuff, and I'm always like "ewww, no, holy shit". Like, what the fuck?! Is that normal? I don't mind kissing, cuddling, touching, etc, but penetration... It scares me. How can I not be scared of this anymore? How can I overcome this fear and not feel so uncomfortable with it?
It seems to me that the best way to become more comfortable with your body and your own status as a sexual being is to experiment alone, all by yourself, in a relaxed and safe environment. Healthy masturbation habits not only prepare your body in a physical way to accept any sexual partner you might eventually choose, they also prepare your mind in a psychological way by giving you confidence in what you enjoy and how it all works. Sometimes these things can be tricky, and even a bit painful, and require all kinds of supplies like condoms and lube, so it really helps to gain experience on your own terms before trying anything out with someone else. Basically, I recommend gently and carefully experimenting with penetration during masturbation-- if that's something you truly want to try to incorporate in your sex life. There are a variety of safe implements available, like silicon dildos, vibrators, etc, in a wide range of sizes and types, so you can find something that's right for you, and even start small. As far as I'm concerned, everyone should be in charge of 'taking' their own virginity. Your sex life belongs to you. You may also wish to consider your reasons for feeling so disgusted by the idea of penetration in the first place. Have you had any previous experiences of any kind that might've influenced this? Do you think about the physical act of sex in a really clinical way, so that bodies seem gross rather than arousing?
I also dislike the idea of masturbation, unfortunely... Just thinking about it makes my stomach upset. I'm afraid I'll just have to get used to penetration one day. :icon_sad: Kind of. When I think about having sex, I don't imagine it as something that just "flows" naturally, but as a procedure. "First you do this, now this." Like that. In my first time, I would much probably be so tense I would just close my eyes tight and cry or something.
fleetwoodpackam, dont worry, you´re normal, im straight asexual and what you feel is exactly what i feel, i imagine that and i wanna throw up, its my worst nightmare; i sometimes wonder whether its normal or what kind of ... really came with the idea that its the best thing to do... i envy straight guys that they dont have to go through this like we=women have to do to have a family, "happy" life and a longterm partnership
Don't feel pressured into it if you are uncomfortable. You have the right to choose what you want to do. No one else can make that choice except you. Don't feel like you have to do something just because it is "normal."
There is nothing wrong with you. People like different things. Sex doesn't mean penetration. There is no right preference. The norms of society thinks vaginal intercourse is the mainstream of sex. Never do something your not comfortable with.
I personally think that nobody has to do anything they don't want to. I hate penetration myself and I have no desire to change (and will fight anyone who thinks I should). However, maybe you do want to feel differently since you mentioned wanting to start a family with your boyfriend; that act does require penetration to conceive. In that case maybe think of ways to get around why you don't like it. Doesn't feel good? Stimulate the clitoris during it. It hurts? Use lube, always use proper foreplay, use small toys to work your way up. Feels submissive or degrading? There are ways to make it more dominant or equal for you (cowgirl position for example) And the most important part is to talk to your boyfriend. Go slow with him. Tell him about your fears. Start small by doing different sexual acts with him before you do this to help get used to it.
Yes... This makes me sad as well. I also envy people who do not have to deal with this fear. Speaking of being asexual, I've been thinking a lot about it, and I realized I identify with aspects of asexuality. I mean, look... Disgusted by genitals in general Disgusted by oral sex Disgusted by penetration Disgusted by masturbation No interest in touching other person's genitals Would most likely just feel scared and tense during sex Would probably close eyes and cry if penetrated Doesn't need sex in a regular basis and can spend years without it Prefers watching movies with their loved one than having sex with them Likes foreplay, kissing, cuddling, etc., but nothing beyond that
Penetration isn't the be-all end-all of sex. I have almost no interest in it. Our culture holds up penetration to the exclusion of all other forms of sex and I think that's very unfortunate.
You probably would need to get closer to the guy first, i.e. kissing, cuddling, lots of hand holding and touching and then things might feel more natural, if you fancy him that is. I've always been scared of penetration too though, even though I masturbate, but I think that's because up til now I've always been pursued by guys I don't fancy (instead of the ones I do!) (*hug*)
