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Discovering and exploring who I am more and more

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021.

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  1. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Hi.

    For those who don't know me I am Charlie, afab (which I hate) and currently identify as non binary and pansexual but am considering transitioning FtM.

    TWO people in my real life are now calling me by my chosen name, Charlie, which is awesome. And one of them helped cut my hair for me which was awesome and it felt so good and feels so good having it pretty short

    And another thing I was messaging with one of my friends the other day (not on here) and she called me a prince which really made my day. She also calls me Charlie which is nice.

    I'm still struggling and I am definitely feeling more trapped than ever, trapped as a woman when i feel like I am meant to be male. And don't worry y'all, I don't have unrealistic expectations anymore, like I know there's side effects and pros and cons. And I know I could technically just change my pronouns to he/him but I can't whilst I'm trapped as this, as a woman. Obviously I know transitioning is a process and a long one at that but I am ready and know I need and want this. All I need now is to have someone who specialises professionally to talk to about it all.

    I just feel absolutely disgusted constantly reminded that I am a woman. I'm pretty sure I am struggling with gender dysphoria too.
    I am trying to accept that that gender dysphoria is probably part of what is going on for me. It's really not nice feeling trapped and stuff though but hey.

    I don't really know what I want the outcome of me posting this to be, I guess I just wanted to give a kind of update to you all. And maybe someone else is reading this feeling the same and if you are, well you are not alone.

    :slight_smile: Charlie xx
     
    #1 CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021
  2. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Oh, I also meant to say I am thinking about getting binders. I think I may feel more comfortable in them.
     
    #2 CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021
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  3. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
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    I am glad that you have those supportive people in your life and sad that you are struggling and feeling trapped. I think that you should go ahead and get a binder, it is a pretty safe step to take. The only way to be certain if it will make you more comfortable is to try it.
     
    #3 QuietPeace, Sep 5, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2021
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  4. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Thank you QuietPeace. And that is very true, and since getting a binder is easily reversible I agree.
    Thank you.

    :slight_smile:
     
    #4 CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021
  5. Rayland

    Rayland
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    I am so glad you have bit more clarity now and people who support you. You know I can relate to you lots. I think it’s good idea to take baby steps with the transitioning, like using binders (been thinking getting one too) or having short hair, so you get to see how you like it. I wish you best of luck with this and to be happier with yourself.
     
    #5 Rayland, Sep 5, 2021
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  6. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Thank you. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021
  7. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Hey.

    Can I ask a question? Is it possible to use he/they pronouns? Because I feel like that's me. Like I very much feel very connected to he but I want to keep the they there, one because it doesn't feel right people referring me to a male whilst I am trapped as female and two because I am scared how people will take it when I tell them I'm pretty sure I am trans. I guess that's partly what's holding me back from accepting it all. But thinking of myself as a male does enlighten me whereas female me, does nothing to me except makes me feel horrible.
     
    #7 CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021
  8. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
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    My ex-husband was a non-binary trans guy who used they/them and he/his. If that is what is more comfortable for you then it is fine.
     
    #8 QuietPeace, Sep 5, 2021
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  9. Rayland

    Rayland
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    I don’t know. I haven’t seen the option he/they in the profile. They should add it. Or if you mean in real life, then I don’t see any reason why you can’t keep he/they pronouns, if it makes you more comfortable.
     
    #9 Rayland, Sep 5, 2021
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  10. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Thank you, both of you. Just wanted to clarify.
     
    #10 CharlieLuca, Sep 5, 2021
  11. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Cool :slight_smile: congrats. And great about the haircut and the binder. I hope it helps you feel better.

    As far as I remember, for example Elliot Page uses he and they pronouns.
     
    #11 Mihael, Sep 5, 2021
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  12. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Thank you Mihael. :slight_smile:
    I hope so too.
    Aw that's cool.
     
    #12 CharlieLuca, Sep 6, 2021
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