Disabling Depression PTSD

Ok so here's my issue, in October 09 I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in my left maxillary sinus and spread to the roof of my mouth. I was only 22, and was diagnosed by accident, I went to get a tooth pulled that needed a root canal and when they did my scan before proceeding. They ended up finding a cyst in the left top gum of my mouth that I had no symptoms of, so biopsied it and it came back benign but was told it was an aggressive type and wanted me back in 6 months to see if it returned. So I listened and returned 6 months later and long and behold the cyst came back full force in 6 months or less so the removal and biopsy were required again. At this time I just moved in with my first gf 2 weeks earlier that I was with for 6 months and she meant the world to me n I was blessed enough to have a family that fully accepts me being a lesbian. So about a week after last biopsy I got a phone call at 9pm from my oral surgeon and thought this can't be good getting a call after hours. I was home alone, an had an hour b4 my love was coming home. So I answered the call and was told this time it came back as a very aggressive type of cancer and I have to go to Philly to see the only specialist that was willing to take me as a patient. Worse best side matter I've ever had from a doctor, just told me n 2 of my loved ones that I have stage 4 and walked out the door when none of us new what that ment so my mom chased him down n demanded an explanation. He just said the cancer has spread to more than my sinus and causing it to be stage 4 and there isnt stage 5. Now this cancer is very rare only about 250 cases a year accross the US usually found in ppl 60-80, I was 22 wtf made me be one of their rare cases.

So 6 months later after radiation and basically living in Philly 5 days a week with my love by my side thru surgeries, radiation, and nursing me at home. I finally thought maybe I could try going back to work but was allowed to drive due to meds so she kissed me goodbye with our usual I love you especially bcuz it was our 1 year anniversary so I couldn't wait to be done work. The time comes and here comes woman that I had no. doubt in whole heartedly loving pulled up infront of my shop w/ most my belongings in my car and she broke up with me for no reason or any warning it was coming. We weren't a couple that fought often or bad, so how can you kiss me goodbye and I love you to breaking with up with me 4 hours later!?! As well has stole half my belongs while I was in a new hospital bcuz a doctor forced my mouth open n unknowingly fractured my jaw. So I ended up getting a staff infection and was hours away from being septic so there wasn't much I could do that it took 12 weeks for it to clear up after strong antibiotics thru a Picc line 3x a day n after the first 6 weeks another surgery to get infection scraped out of my jaw bone n then finish the rest with the picc line. Not once did she ask how I was doing and if i was gonna be ok, nothing cept burglary and destroying my life.

Now I'm 10 years in remission and had more surgeries than I can keep track of. Havent seen or talked to her at anytime during the last decade. And until recently my heart was shattered and I couldn't allow myself to put all my walls down in fear of feeling heartbreak again. After I got dumped I started being depressed for the first time in my life and it has continued to worsen with the time passing to the point it gives me so much unbearable pain, that since the lock down I haven't left my.. house once and I've been bedridden in agony for so long that I'm starting to get atrophy in my legs from not using them enough. Once I build a lil strength I'm going to try therapy again n my meds are getting changed. I also use the highest quality of essential oils to try to help as well. I was never told at the beginning what I could experience after all the treatments and still have a couple surgeries left. I just don't understand how I had no fear of the cancer itself or any of my surgeries except for the pain after. But please I've literally lost and wasted the last decade of my life from this severe physical and mental pain caused by this depression that I cant even do the occupation I love and am stuck still on disability at 33 years old. I need to best this, cant do another decade. All I want is to get some relief so I can hopefully move forward in my life with my new amazing long distance relationship with my beautiful and compassionate gf who also wants to move in wi me and her 3 yr old son who she considers mine as well. And hopefully in a couple years I'll be strong n better enough to have the one thing is missing from my life and our little family that will be together after we both get some lose ends done. I want nothing more than my own baby that my partner would like for us too. My new love has finally been the one who healed my broken heart in 10 years and I no longer have the burden of my ex but depression still exists.

Ok I'm sorry, I'm one who rarely has a filter and it makes me an over sharer, saying things no one cares about. Well please if theres anything you got from all this I'm desperate to find a cure or remission of my chronic depression. Thanks for your time!