1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Did your parents have their suspicions before you came out?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Canterpiece, Apr 3, 2019.

?

Did they?

  1. Yes.

    42.9%
  2. No.

    24.3%
  3. I'm not out to my parents.

    17.1%
  4. Other.

    15.7%
  1. BlueMonday

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2017
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I guess. They said they already figured it out when I came out.
     
  2. Verklighet

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2018
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    “I know, I noticed when you wanted to cut your hair and buy those boy’s clothes.”
     
  3. Canterpiece

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,492
    Likes Received:
    40
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Whilst my mum made remarks about future relationships and so on, my dad never brought up such topics. I get the impression that he just doesn't have an interest in talking about other people's dating lives. Even when my sister had a boyfriend, my mum was the one asking questions about them dating (how long have you been together? etc) but all my dad seemed to care about was the practical stuff (when my sister and her now ex-boyfriend were going on a trip, he asked if the luggage had been packed correctly).

    He's a bit of a loner, and when he talks about his friends he doesn't mention their relationships very often.

    Whereas my mum will talk about her friends' marriages a lot more. So I think with my dad, he wasn't surprised per say, more just indifferent to the whole subject. When I came out, I gave my mum a letter. She told (and probably showed) my dad the letter, and he later popped into my room to mention it.

    He said that we (my parents) would accept me no matter what. That was it after that. My mum brought it up a few times, but my dad never did.

    My dad never mentioned anything about relationships (and still doesn't usually) before I came out. There were a few exceptions, but as a general rule this is true. So I've no idea if he suspected at all.

    I think he didn't really care enough to give it any thought. That's not to say he doesn't care about others. He does, but he just prefers to talk about topics he finds more interesting.
     
    #23 Canterpiece, Apr 5, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2019
  4. Dionysios

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2018
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    576
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My father is deceased, but both parents had suspicions early on (playing house with dolls while my brothers were playing football were alarming clues). My parents did their best to keep me on the straight and narrow path. When I showed interest in knitting, they forbade it. I was compelled play basketball and take shop classes. My siblings figured out that I was gay a long time ago. Even my son realized it while in his early teens. My in-laws and most of my wife's friends and most of my neighbors also came to that conclusion. Other than acquaintances, the only one really unaware that I am gay was my wife. She now feels somewhat foolish not to have seen the signs.
     
  5. malinconia

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2018
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I picked other because they probably didn't know when I first came out. I mean I'm not gonna ask them because their insane and I'd rather avoid literally all conversation with them but when I did come out my mother didn't really say anything while my father turned it into a pity party for him. I was a fucking asshole that crawled out of the darkest pits of hell to apparently treat him terribly and he was a fucking saint he had never done a single thing wrong ever. I was rude, deserved to die, etc, etc, and the topic of my 'sexuality' was completely glazed over. It was really just another opportunity for them to find a tiny 'flaw' in my character that they could relentlessly attack every chance they were given.
    The second time my mother probably didn't expect it but was prepared for it I guess. That being said she ignored me half the time and I'm surprised she actually registered what I was saying. The only reason she did was probably that I was crying and talking about being trans made me very suicidal but she still ignored it and continues to until, again, they have a chance to use it against me and then pick at every little negative thing they see about me. Also, I told her to not tell my father because I immediately regretted telling her and she told him and he ignores it until he can use it against me. Y'know, call me a stupid SJW cunt that is pedophilic and a child predator. He's honestly insane and this was a pointless rant.
     
  6. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2012
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    177
    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't think they had their suspicions, but I could be wrong. Growing up, and even now, I was/am a tomboy. I've had short hair so often, but as of late, it's nearly as short as my dad's. I came out to them in 2012 as gay (lesbian), but a few years later, came out again as bisexual. They seemed to have taken that better, but I still don't think they suspected anything to that extent. It took them forever to come to terms with it.

    I'm now so comfortable around my family that I don't have to make up some story/excuse when I want to go to Pride. I just tell 'em that there's Pride on XX day and I'm going. My dad doesn't like it, but he still told me the last time I went to have fun and be myself. So guess that's a good sign?
     
  7. Rin311

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't think they suspected anything. To them, being gay is such a horrible thing, it would be unimaginable for one their kids to be that.
     
  8. ReginaNox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2019
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My mom knew technically before I did. About both my orientation and my gender identity. She figured out I wasnt a 'typical' girl when i was eight, and that I wasnt straight when i had the first guy interested in me when I was fifteen, and ran the other direction. Of course she thought I was gay for a few years before she caught on I was pan at eighteen. At that point she was just grateful she didnt have to worry about promiscuity or teen pregnancy.
     
  9. Reviskova

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2018
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Up North
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes and no. when i came out about my gender issues, my mom was more surprised than she wasnt. because, it was just that i was a "tomboy' and that was that. back then she didnt have a all too good view on trans/gnc people either... im glad that changed. for a while, im talking about 5 or 6 months, she wholeheartedly believed i was joking. my family thought i was joking too. the only person who really believed me were my friends and my sister. it took a long time to actually convince them that this was real. i cant pinpoint exactly how my gender fits, but a few years later after i came out i still have some of the same feelings. and yet some select family members still like to think its a joke. however, as a kid i sometimes told one of my aunts (who i spent a lot of time with as a kid) that i "felt like a boy" and "wanted to be one". she was probably the only one who wasnt at least a little surprised.

    for my sexuality, i never really came out. i never felt the need to. and, if i did, my mother (or anyone else, really) wouldnt be surprised because as a kid i liked/had crushes on both girls and boys. a lot of the time i told my mom about it, so im pretty sure she knows. i dont feel like my sexuality is a big deal to me or anyone else. or at least it shouldnt be. (oh, as a side note, i do understand coming out and wanting to do so. i just feel like it doest really matter in my case.) for the people who dont know, well, they might when i end up with whoever i end up with. i have never hidden it, because i am from a progressive area and have a open minded and accepting family that made me feel like i didnt need to. and i dont plan on hiding anything of the such anytime soon.
     
  10. BadassFrost

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Czech Republic
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Neither of them (I thought my mom suspected something but nope). When I told them, both were surprised, but fortunately okay with that.
     
  11. BradThePug

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    6,525
    Likes Received:
    260
    Location:
    Northeast Ohio
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I came out as being trans my mom and dad were not surprised. They said that they had suspicions about me because I had changed a lot of my mannerisms and how I dressed. I went from being pretty feminine to being more masculine.
     
  12. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,017
    Likes Received:
    239
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've seen parents ignore this altogether or get downright nasty. I've had more of the missing traits than traits that are present. When I was in school, I had a friend - not a very good friend - whose mother once blurted out at the table that I probably couldn't even spell the word "football" because I wasn't rabid about it. What a witch. I got along great with the dad. Too bad he passed away and she's still around AFAIK.

    My parents got mixed signals because things were mix and match and my friends were all over the map. I could sense some frustration on their part.

    I agree with what you're saying but a person can also become more comfortable around the opposite sex when they become more comfortable with themselves, and that can come from growing into oneself and the more relaxed persona that comes with getting older and wiser. I know that might sound corny.
     
  13. europeanguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2015
    Messages:
    434
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Family only
    they did not at all, they were too busy giving my sister all the love and attention and ignoring me.

    advantages haha, I could say the most blatant things if I wished and they'd never have noticed
     
    #33 europeanguy, Apr 29, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2019
  14. Lena2051

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2019
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Over the Rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I was out since Birth, I didn't need to come out, If you read about Brighton UK, you will find that it is the place over the rainbow.
    I never tried to hide it from my Mums because I wasn't worried how they would react, by the way, they are the best parents an
    orphan could ask for. I swear, I have what I wish the world had with my life, I never had homophobic parents. In time,
    People will stop being afraid of this, once it gets more familiar, Personally, I wish people would stop being
    scared of the New, so I'm staying hopeful.
     
  15. Denial

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2018
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, they said they were surprised.
     
  16. The Aquarius

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2014
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My mom and dad definitely had their suspicions before I was out. I’m not very feminine but just from my actions over the years I suppose.
    I came out very quickly one day. When my sister found out and I let her know, her first response was “I know!”
    That kind of made it feel good and easy
     
  17. Tritri

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2014
    Messages:
    316
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nebraska, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Nope. My mom says she used to notice feminine hand gestures, but dismissed it as me being nervous (she also thinks it's wrong to use those kinds of signs, because "it's stereotypes").
     
  18. Zephyr2378

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2019
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South-east AR
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm not out yet, but my parents have I guess at some point suspected at least my sexuality. I had always made it known I didn't want to have kids and I didn't like guys (not at the time), and when it didn't change after puberty they started making jokes about me being a lesbian and many in my family started saying they were sure I would end up with a girl friend. Now I know i'm pansexual and genderfluid, so they aren't completely right, but they see the signs i'm sure.
     
  19. MICHELLE B

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2019
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NEW ENGLAND USA
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Family only
    Myself, MTF transition and some bi was instilled by my parents from my birth.
    I wore girls clothing, shoes and underwear at home all the time growing up.
    My aunt taught me how to walk in heels properly and do my makeup starting around age 8.
    Aunt would take me on small shopping sprees and let me pick out dresses or skirts and blouses, underwear and stockings.
    Up until about age 12 she would take me into the department store dressing room to try them.
    She would make sure the sizes were correct and had me model them when back at home after I had gotten bigger..
    Mother would do up my hair in curls, especially for Friday nights.
    I would be the center of attraction on those Friday nights when family friends would come over to party,
    aunt who lived upstairs would come down with husband or boyfriend.
    Things got quite loose after a few rounds of drinks (I snuck quite a few myself, mostly apricot brandy),
    I guess they liked a boy with bright blue eyes and long golden blond hair, I ended up being used and enjoying it from both parties.
    Was no virgin then either, summer camp took care of that for me two years in a row.
    Aunt found out about after giving me a bath one Friday and getting ready to start training me,
    I remember her comment, "oops, going to need a bigger one of these".
    They family involved are all dead today.
    One day, to be wife saw aunt's pictures of me in drag when young, asked who it was,
    told her, she surprised the hell out of me by asking me to dress for her, she still loves doing me up to the 9s for weekend fun.
    I would love to have some pictures of those that were taken those Friday nights, never could find them.
    My wife, daughters and next door neighbors know, kids and wife are all very supportive.
     
  20. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,830
    Likes Received:
    849
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Though I was a very masculine child, no, my parents never suspected that I could be trans. So when I came out at 17 they were very surprised and upset.