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Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were young ?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fighter694, Sep 4, 2016.

  1. Fighter694

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    Hey everyone,
    So as the title goes, did you guys/girls never feel sexual attraction to the same sex before now?
    Now this question isn't directed to hurt anyone, so please don't mistake me.
    When I attained puberty I just naturally was drawn towards men and had sexual feelings for them. I didn't even know about homosexuality, yes I didn't hear anything very negative from religion either, so probably I never denied it actively. Even though socially it's such a big taboo, given that I live in a society which frowns upon anything other than an arranged marriage. The point being it naturally happened to me.
    I always thought it was impossible to suppress such feelings and still be stable and happy. How did you guys manage to suppress it for so long ?
    Another pressing question which came up when I was discussing sexuality with friends was- whether there are people whose sexuality changes by a complete 180° ? Like from straight to gay and a friend of mine quoted an example of lgbt later in life.
    So is it true? Id really appreciate it, if any of you can explain to me whether you had homosexual feelings when you were young and how you managed to suppress it for so long or whether you developed these feelings only recently and you had no idea while growing up.
    This might also help me help someone in my family who is older and probably gay. But is too scared to even consider it.
    Thank you.
     
  2. findingjoy

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    for me it was little bit more confusing. I looked at girls all the time but as a teenager tried masturbating and couldn't orgasm couldn't even 'keep it up' then one night, out of nowhere, i thought about one guy in my high school and literally had an orgasm is less than 30 seconds.
     
  3. Fighter694

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    When was this guy thing, much later In life ?
     
  4. Alriah

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    Yes. Before adulthood, I was sexually attracted to both genders. As I got older, and as my peer group matured and developed adult features, I gradually found men less physically appealing and women more.

    Despite this, I didn't seriously consider the possibility of being gay until I was around 30, and once that started it took me a few more years to figure out what I wanted.

    I can only speculate on what happened. I grew up in a religious environment and the people around me were generally homophobic. I never met anyone I knew was gay, it just wasn't something that people around me were.

    I remember in early adulthood acknowledging that I was probably bisexual since I did fantasize about women, but that I didn't need to try out being with a woman for real. Perhaps the stigma against young women "experimenting" or "doing it for attention" deterred me. It wasn't like I knew what I wanted anyway, and I certainly didn't want to be one of those girls.

    I didn't think it mattered anyway. Sure, men were pretty boring to look at and think about when I didn't know them. But I was still able to develop romantic feelings for men, and desire for sex followed those feelings even if there wasn't an initial physical attraction. This seemed like it was just normal for some girls, so I figured I just needed that emotional connection first.

    Sex still felt good, and I even enjoyed it. The problem was, as the honeymoon phase wore off, I was thinking more and more about women while having sex with men. Then after a while, I'd lose interest in having sex with my boyfriends completely.

    My questioning really started when I still had feelings for my last boyfriend, but I lost sexual interest in him. I still had a sex drive; just that my thoughts were directed toward women and I preferred masturbating over being with him.

    It wasn't until I was actually with another woman that I completely accepted it. The sexual attraction came effortlessly and I never needed to fantasize about men. It felt easy, and the desire wasn't dying down with time.

    It's difficult to explain the disconnect that was going on in my head. It wasn't like I worried about being gay or tried to suppress gay thoughts. I fantasized freely, I acknowledged those thoughts were there, but I dismissed them as having meaning. I didn't even realize there was something big I was missing out on, so I didn't spend a lot of time dwelling on it until I'd been through multiple long term relationships that didn't work out.

    I think it was also difficult for me to seriously consider women as romantic prospects when I assumed none of them saw me that way. Like, being with someone who is completely uninterested in me or thinks I'm gross is so unappealing. That's how I thought every woman I had ever been attracted to felt, so it was easy to shut down thoughts of being with them as something more than some empty sexual fantasies. It took someone showing interest for me to open myself up to that being a possibility, and once that happened, the romantic feelings came easily too.
     
    #4 Alriah, Sep 4, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2016
  5. CameOutSwinging

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    I've had sexual thoughts and fantasies about men since I was at least 13. I recall that very vividly, even remember the guys. But I never thought about dating guys. I still wanted to date women, even if I wasn't attracted to them.

    Figuring out a way to have a romantic relationship with a guy is my struggle.
     
  6. Beth 43

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    yes. hahahaha. I denied being a lesbian most of my life. My mother questioned me in my 20s - and did it like I was in trouble. haha. NO MOM, GAWD! But yes, all my best friends growing up....I really liked. It was just one of those things that I thought all people felt.
     
  7. ConsciousRose42

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    I had my 1st sexual experience young at age 8/9yrs with a girl and a few more drunken experiences in my 20's and 30's. I always rationalised it with 'it's just fantasy it doesn't mean anything'.
    When I finally put down all my addictions that's when I came out of the denial ... It hit me like a ton of bricks -- happy bricks may I add :slight_smile:
     
  8. I'm gay

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    In addition to messing around with some neighbor boys, I had a huge crush on another kid in middle school (I was 12-13 years old). I thought about him all the time and masturbated thinking about him. His name was Adam.
     
  9. findingjoy

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    no when I was 15. I orgasmed literally in 20 seconds.. wish I had listened to myself then. it was so obvious...
     
  10. BrookeVL

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    I don't know if I did or not. There was a lot of repression and mistaking feelings towards other guys for being envious of them, etc. That I'm pretty sure of, but I can't point towards any one instance where I was aware of it.
     
  11. TravelerMe

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    I've had same sex attraction since I was sexually aware. I guess the simple answer is you find ways to get by. Since you are never ever allowed to grow up with your true identity you remain stuck in a pre-adolescent stage of sexuality I think. Being gay was simply forbidden by church,family, peers, and society. You compartmentalize each experience and longing and put that part of you in a locked vault. After all everyone seems to be going in one direction and you feel another; so you feel you must be wrong and play along.

    I wanted a family and I had some attraction to women so you try to live a life that society approves of for the most part. Some never get out of that rut and some choose to and live with the pain. Neither effort is without difficulty and trials.
     
  12. GayPugs

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    Re: Did you never have any sexual feelings towards the same gender when you were youn

    When I was 4 or 5 years old I imagined sleeping naked with my crush and walking down the isle with her...