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Did you make a point to come out? Or not?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Jan 12, 2020.

  1. Unsure77

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    I told my close circle of friends partly so I could be more open in conversations, partly so they wouldn’t get taken by surprised if and when I showed up with a girlfriend, and partly in case I needed their support. But these are my sort of chosen family type friends. I didn’t feel like I owed them that knowledge, though. I wanted them to know because it made things easier.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you all for your replies - I have been reading them.

    I agree that it’ll probably easier that some people do know, as @Unsure77 says. This is why I started the thread - it’s the only reason that I can see for making a point to come out. I’ll see how it goes, I really don’t see myself having a conversation with the prior intent of telling somebody. That’s mostly because I don’t think people will be particularly interested or care.

    To be honest, I don’t really feel an urge to tell people. Now I’m single, I don’t feel trapped anymore so that urge has disappeared. I did feel it when I was with my (male) ex and even wanted to dress in a way that might indicate that I was gay, but now I’m not especially bothered about whether I come across as gay or straight or whatever.
     
  3. Unsure77

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    I've heard it said (probably on here somewhere) that coming out is for you and what you need. It's not for anyone else. And at this point (a year in) I kind of think that's true. The one time I let myself get pressured into telling someone out of a sense of "obligation" was the one time I wound up regretting it.

    I'm also learning I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought. Basically anyone I know who has spent a significant amount of time around queer women has indicated it's fairly apparent. I'm kind of afraid to know what that means I'm doing, but apparently I seriously trip some people's gaydar when they're used to being around lesbians.
     
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