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"did you just assume my gender" jokes

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by astriferous, May 18, 2017.

  1. SchizoBurrito13

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    It bothers me a bit, but i only 'participate' in the joke when i'm with my close friends, because they know how i feel, and i know their not meaning any thing about it

    but i literally always say "I identify as the gun Kurt Cobain killed himself with"
     
  2. astriferous

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    I just decided to quote your whole post, KipperTheDeer, cause I agree with it 100%. The most often I hear it is in fact #2 in your list, which I guess is also why I get more upset than maybe I should. It's just hurtful to hear when you know what they mean.

    My non-LGBT brother also makes these jokes around me a considerable amount and I'm almost certain it is in the same harmful way you describe in #2, which honestly just hurts more than random comments at school because he knows I'm genderqueer. I think he ignores my identity, really.

    Thanks for all the replies, folks. I asked because I wasn't sure how I was "supposed" to feel, I suppose, given that a lot of people I know irl throw the joke around so often, and I couldn't tell if I was being too sensitive for being bothered by it, since it could obviously be way worse. But I'm glad to know how others see it too.
     
  3. jadey95

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    This is my exact thoughts on it. I don't get offended per say. Like, it's not the worst joke ever I've heard. I just think people need to understand the point of the joke they're making. If it's 'hahaha being misgendered is funny' then they might want to step back and see why they find that funny. It's a joke that I spend time thinking about though, but I've been lucky and only heard someone make that joke once on a Youtube video.
     
  4. Jodelle1066

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    I don't get super offended by them, but if I know it's from someone who is transphobic, it's a little bit frustrating but there's not much I can about it. In the end, I just feel like it's an overused joke that's kinda annoying now.
     
  5. YinYang

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    I get extremely offended by them because they make it so much harder to come out to people and remind people to use my pronouns.
     
  6. SomeUsername

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    I agree. So many people act like remembering people's pronouns is actually difficult or like it's not a legitimate request and I think belittling the idea of correcting misgendering remarks tells those people it's okay not to try. I'm not too bothered by it though, I honestly just don't see the point 80% of the time people make those jokes.
     
  7. birobigenausex

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    They may not be, but maybe they're secretly(or open) allies?
     
  8. kodiakruble

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    It really depends on a person. If it's my friend that I know well then I find those jokes quite funny. When it's used by transphobes to mock trans people then I dont find it funny.
     
  9. Myles Kramer

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    lmao yeah, thats TRUE, thats how I feel but I'm not in highschool or hearing this joke where I can't just shake my head and close out of the tab.

    See the thing is 99.9% of trans people have been misgendered for so long that we don't even say "DID YOU ASSUME MY GENDER!!!!" to strangers because we KNOW we're trans and its not always obvious, and it can still hurt but this joke doesn't even reflect reality, its literally made up just to make trans people sound like we're the whiny pissants for coming out. So yeah I can totally see why people making an unfair caricature of you feels so fucking frustrating. Especially when we do come out its usually either after we've worked really hard to pass or when there are people important to us who we think deserve to know.

    Ah god just thinking about that now is getting under my skin. I think you have permission to start misgendering every cisgendered person friend or foe """on accident""" who says that joke, as a joke right back at them if you are feeling petty.
     
  10. RainbowGreen

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    Honestly, the joke is not funny.

    Now, it seems to be used whenever trans people are brought up, even if it's in suicide statistics... People have no tact at all and think that we're being ridiculous for wanting to be treated with basic decency. Honestly, since the whole Caithleen Jenner thing, the media has been all over trans people and now, instead of having people who don't know about trans people and are genuinely curious, they get up in arms about bathroom issues...

    Honestly, it makes me thing about the incident that happened in my hometown last year. A transwoman was misgendered at the automobile assurance society and she wanted an apology from the employee because they didn't take it seriously. THEN, SAAQ blew it up and told its employees to never use ''sir'' or ''m'am'' to greet clients. Oh boy, did we hear about it from people... ''Damn, those transgenders don't even want us to say sir or m'am anymore.''
     
  11. Quniverse

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    You're not alone, my dude. I also very much dislike the use of "did you just assume my gender?" as a stand in for an actual joke/comeback. Yes, you did assume my gender. In fact, you've assumed I HAVE a gender... It's nice to know that I'm not alone either.
     
  12. hayden373

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    Honestly, I don't care. Admittedly, I am most likely not non-binary (still not entirely certain), but I just think that anyone should be able to joke about whatever he/she/they/whatever wants. It's just a joke and nothing to take personal.
     
  13. Canterpiece

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    They make me weirdly uncomfortable, mainly due to how my friends act when they tell one of these jokes around me, they make vague comments about how I'm "apart of that". Which just confuses me. I guess they just mean because I'm part of the LGBT community.

    There's almost this judgement you get if you don't take part in these jokes, so admittedly I have made these jokes before to try and fit in. It kind of feels like a test at times, to almost prove that you're not "one of those people in the community", that you're "one of the cool ones". I have a friend who's gay and very anti-non binary. He accepts binary trans people, but not non-binary. A lot of my friends are like that.

    I've made some transphobic remarks in the past that I'm not proud of, and many that I've made were made for the sake of fitting in. I think it makes sense when people joke about others identifying as dragons, because that is ridiculous, but when they equate genderfluid and other non-binary terms with plantkin and that kind of ilk, it rubs me the wrong way.

    Admittedly, there are some things I feel unsure about, such as pronouns such as "zerself" because that just seems odd to me, because I'm more used to hearing "they" for non-binary identifying people, plus I tend to get terms like "Zimself" and "Zerself" mixed up.
     
  14. Daydreamer1

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    I can hear that and a slew of 'triggered' jokes now thinking about it. Ugh, it's so annoying. Blah. I can't wait until this period is over with.
     
  15. DoriaN

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    The thing with the joke is I don't even see it as a blanket statement or joke regarding trans people at all, it's mostly about a 'type' of trans person, of which a lot of ridicule is self brought.

    Not everyone is lumped under the same 'trans umbrella', so there will be differing feelings on a lot of issues, not limited to a silly joke like this.

    A lot of it has to do with context too. Lots of people find other jokes funny that others may find offensive and so on and so forth. Can't police it and it's not likely to change, so it's a matter of dealing with it maturely.