So, for quite a while I have thought I wasn’t straight. I used to suppress it and act straight pretending to like boys. But whenever we went out we were just close friends nothing more. I hated the thought I was gay so I forced myself to think I was straight. Only more recently I am now openly admitting I am not straight. Is what I did unusual? It’s not like I was homophobic or anything like that. I am just confused and wonder if it is a normal/common thing I have done.
I think many people act straight for various reasons such as wanting to be like their friends, scared of bullying, not wanting to disappoint parents, etc.
The grand majority of LGBT people have done this. Its the only way many of us were able to survive. Hell, some of us were sooo good at hiding that we were gay that we hid it from ourselves. The brain is a powerful little thing. Its definitely a process to unlearn all the toxic messages, the lying, the pretending etc. but its such a worthy thing to do. Its not until you start living with out any lies or wasting time pretending to be someone else that you truly realize how much energy it took to keep up all the lies.
For the longest time I tried to convince myself I was straight. It was particularly confusing for me because I am bisexual, so i still liked guys, but i was also totally into girls. I guess for me it just made what i was told growing up about being gay somehow being a choice seem real. So because of that i tried to act straight. But i finally accepted myself and stopped caring about my family's expectations. Coming out as bisexual to my friends is one of the best things ive ever done, and i feel so much happier now that i can be myself.
