Did religion make it harder for you to accept yourself?

MorganB....There is no question that discovering that you don't fit in with what most people consider to be "normal" can be very difficult to deal with. Even today with so many changes in so many countries it can still be tough to see that your path may very well be different than what you had thought it would be. Add to it very religious parents and it becomes even more of a challenge. I have gone through some very similar experiences...so have many folks here on empty closets. I am so very glad that you have found us here on EC. We will do our best to help you in any way that we can. Also, very sorry that your parents had a bad reaction, although I am sad to say that it's not terribly unusual. In order to be able to help you as best as we can....could you tell us a little more? ...if you are comfortable with doing so.... For instance, how old are you, are you still in school, have you tried to come out to any friends, etc.? Do you have any friends who you think might be supportive if you came out to them? Developing a "support base" among friends and/or extended family could be very helpful as you work through this time. You say that discovering that you are not straight was very hard and hurt you...is it more of a problem just not being straight or are there gender identification issues also? Sorry about so many questions! If you can share the answer to some of these questions, I am sure that many of us here on empty closets will be able to make suggestions that could help you!
....David

 

youknow201....It bothers me so much because I see this so often:

I too felt his way for a long time. After I finally came out it was still my biggest conflict. How could my faith contradict what I absolutely knew was true, I was gay, when I knew that I was not that bad a person. Well, a lot of study (I mean a lot !) and two very important books (below) allowed me to learn something very, very important. The Bible does not condemn committed same-sex relationships AND the Bible does not even talk about homosexuality...being gay, as we know it today. Being gay as we know it today was a concept that did not even exist when the Old and New Testament were written. Homosexuality happened in basically three ways: 1) Men who had sex with young women and boys...it was considered normal before/during/after the first century, especially for upper class men. This is where the word "catamite" came from and many men did this as boys without ever thinking anything about it. 2) Men who had sex with young men and boys in a form of pagan temple prostitution. 3) Men who raped other men to destroy their masculinity. That kind of rape was considered worse than death. Does that sound like what we know today? When Paul was writing in the New Testament he was talking about #1 & #2. Too many well-meaning people have just read the condemning passages as if they were written today...not 1700-2000 years ago. Society changes. Do we still accept as truth things written about African-Americans in the 1860's in the Southern States? And many of those things were written by and preached in churches. Not only that but a serious study of the context of Paul's passages and a close study of the greek words used definitely indicate that Paul was talking about Idol worship (temple prostitution) which was rampant at that time. It's just that many Christians have invested too much in their absolute belief that the Bible condemns H. that they are unwilling to accepted that they could be wrong....it just is not in their world-view. The Old Testament is really no different in that again, passages have been interpreted to support a preconceived opinion. One of the best examples is Sodom and Gomorrah. We are taught that Sodom was destroyed because the men of Sodom wanted to have sex with the Angels sent to Lot. I was actually angry when I first read Ezekiel 16:49-50. Read it yourself and see if your opinion about Sodom changes! Ok here are some references for you:

"God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines
"Torn" by Justin Lee

Evangelicals Concerned, Inc. ecinc.org
Just type "Clobber Passages" into the search bar and you will find an introduction to the topic and then a list of the major passages and
a very good explanation of their actual meaning in a very scholarly and concise way.

gaychurch.org
In the Menu at the top of the page you will find "Homosexuality and the Bible". Click on that and then click on "The Bible, Christianity
and Homosexuality". This is also a really excellent discussion of the topic, especially as it explains the two greek words; arsenokoitai
and malakoi. Understanding those words can be important as they are so often used by so called "Scholars" to condemn gays. It is
interesting that the Apostle Paul actually made up the word; arsenokoitai. It is used only twice in the Bible and, as I recall only 4 or 5
more times in all existing Greek Literature...not a whole lot on which to build a condemnation of the entire LGBTQ community!

Ezekiel 16:49-50
Behold this was the sin of thy sister Sodom, Pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and her daughters, neither did they strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.
And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good.
(abomination here is referring again, to idol worship)

I hope this helps...I think these sources will explain everything that you would need. I can assure you that this knowledge has made my life so much better. It is so difficult to finally accept that you are not straight only to walk right into the broadside of religion telling us that we are broken, a mistake that should not have even been born....that's how I felt and it was terrible. Now I know that I am as I was intended to be. I realize that many people do not make faith, especially any organized church, a part of their lives. That is their choice and I have no right or desire to condemn them...we've had more than enough of that. However, faith is a part of my life and I now firmly believe that God made me this way on purpose and He loves me just as I am. If I can be of any further help, please let me know.
....david

 

youknow201.... I just took a look at some of your posts. When I wrote the reply above, I had no idea that you are a minority. I do hope the part of my post the refers to African-Americans is not offensive to you. It certainly wasn't mean to be. As I finally accepted that I was and always have been gay just three years ago, I suddenly realized that I am now a minority also. I have to say that it wasn't a good feeling at first, especially the first time I heard a serious homophobic, gay slur after I accepted myself. I was shocked at just how bad it hurt. That lead to a few difficult sessions with my therapist. Now I realized that, that very minority status is the result of finally finding where I belong after many, many years of never thinking that I had every really "fit" anywhere. Minority or not I finally found my wonderful LGBT Family.
.....David

 

youknow201... So glad that I can help. I know exactly how you feel It was so hard to come out and accept myself knowing what I had been taught, but I couldn't stand it anymore. The night I had my "final crisis" it was a choice between accepting myself or suicide. I came out here on empty closets in terrible desperation and the people here answered me, encouraged me and saved me that night . Even after that I was still so conflicted with my faith. That conflict forced me into very serious study and reading which finally allowed me to understand that I am not a mistake, that I am not broken. The God that I believe in does not make mistakes...we may wonder why things happen, but he just doesn't screw up. So I don't need Jesus to fix me (at least not that part of me!). You know the old saying: "if it's not broken, don't fix it"! I don't think that you are broken either. You can ask anything, anytime and I will do my best to help out!
...David