For the first time in forever, this evening my mom briefly brought up a story about a lesbian couple, that she had heard on the radio. The remarkable thing is that she told the story without spewing hatred and homophobia. She just told it like any other story, What I worry about now is how this event coincides with my recent developments in homosexuality, which are roughly: - coming to terms with myself as of last month - deciding as of last week that I am going to move away to a queer-friendly city - going on my first date with a woman So all these things happened, in total secret from my mom, and yet she seems to have had some sort of breakthrough in her homophobia. The thing is, my family - mom, dad, grandma - is EXTREMELY HOMOPHOBIC. All my life I've had to listen to homophobic (plus racial and sexist) slurs from them. They've basically made it seem that QUEER PEOPLE ARE THE ENEMY. UNGODLY, UNCHRISTIAN, UNBIBLICAL, DISGUSTING PEOPLE. That's their message. "It's disgusting, it's wrong." "Gay people are unnatural." "Gay people are messed up in the head." "It's the devil's work." And hence my continued internalised homophobia and unrelenting slew of self-hatred. But this evening, no homophobia detectable in her voice. Because of how much I've been struggling with my homosexuality these last few weeks, trying my best to not give off any "gay vibes" or any clues, I am pretty shocked that my mom seems to have had a change of heart regarding homosexuality. I wonder if she found out, somehow? I don't have a girlfriend, and I live my life in a very straight way. I haven't mentioned anything about my depression and suicidal thoughts caused by being in the closet. I've been hiding it very, very well, just as I have been doing for my whole life. The only concrete evidence of my orientation is my Internet browser history, to which no one has access. (I carry my laptop with me everywhere.) Maybe my mom's change of heart is just a coincidence? I've heard that parents can be quite intuitive about these things. Maybe my mom's wondered what's been bothering me for the past few months, and she's magically figured out that I am gay? She's certainly noticed that I've been struggling, but I've always chalked it up to something different: issues at university, heterosexual heartbreak, etc. I hope she doesn't know, and that it was just a one-off, and maybe all in my head... But I'm kind of freaking out, as well. I don't want her to know yet. I guess I'm looking to see if anyone has had this type of experience, when someone who supposedly has no evidence that you are queer, and yet they know? Intuitively?