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Did I just realise that I was in love with my best friend???

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, May 20, 2016.

  1. yuanzi

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    I definitely have the tendency to fall for my best friends just like CapColors said :frowning2: I really wish I could change and just go on dates and fall for someone b/c they are cute or whatever but nope... it has to start in a natural setting. Ugh that's why I will probably be single for a very long time.

    baristajedi, I had a similar experience (she was straight though and the friendship ended badly after she found out about my crush on her). On bad days I wish I could reach out to her (it's been a decade) and maybe have some sort of closure, and on good days I say to myself to just screw her since she did not deserve me anyway :tears:
     
  2. baristajedi

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    Cap - yes, this is exactly what I'm starting to see too. This friend, and several others, I'm realising now I was crushing hard in several of my closest friends. Some of my female friends I've had/have genuine platonic intimacy with. But it has made me question my understanding of myself again in a new light.

    I wonder though, if we (you and me) would be more able to build friendships with better mental boundaries because we're more aware of ourselves and our feelings now.

    ---------- Post added 21st May 2016 at 04:46 AM ----------

    It sounds like she didn't deserve you, you deserve a friend who will support you and be compassionate and understanding.

    I think a lot of people like to build a relationship starting through friendship. I wonder if your best bet for meeting someone is through LGBT groups that are related to an interest or hobby you have?
     
    #22 baristajedi, May 21, 2016
    Last edited: May 21, 2016
  3. SnowshoeGeek

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    Doesn't sound odd to me at all. I still miss mine, and that's going on 36 years now. I found her on Facebook a few months ago, surprisingly. She got married finally, looks like. I'll never stop loving her or thinking of her that way. There's never been another like her. Sometimes I think I've just settled for men all these decades because once things ended with her, I didn't have the heart for another love like that.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. Katchoo

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    I have crushed on lots of best friends, but I really have gotten better at figuring out how to eventually get through those feelings and be regular friends. Acknowledging my feelings to myself is essential. I think years of denial is part of what made the college roommate love so intractable. Idk what else has helped, but I know I can do it.
     
  5. CapColors

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    baristajedi: I wonder though, if we (you and me) would be more able to build friendships with better mental boundaries because we're more aware of ourselves and our feelings now.


    Cap: Guh, I don't know. Honestly this is the thing I find hardest to accept, not that I might not be sexual with another woman, but that I might be doomed to a life without a best female friend. I am not going to make any declarations right now because my understanding of everything is evolving, but I worry I will forever need to hold women at arm's length.
     
  6. baristajedi

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    (*hug*). Have you ever tried to reconnect with her?

    ---------- Post added 23rd May 2016 at 02:57 AM ----------

    This is how I'm hoping it will play out for me. I was really deep in the closet at that stage in my life. Now I'm much more self-aware and self-embracing.

    ---------- Post added 23rd May 2016 at 02:59 AM ----------

    (*hug*) Aw, I understand what you mean. It's discouraging realising you've misunderstood your own relationships for so much of your life.
     
  7. SnowshoeGeek

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    It is so sweet how you are always interested in everyone's stuff as well as yours. One of the things I just love about you. :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

    I actually sat with her at our ten-year high school reunion (the one and only reunion I went to). It was like no time had passed, but it was also like we had never had sex, either. I realized I had little in common with her anymore. It was strange. I think my issue was the regret of wondering what would have happened between us that one night years before... if my boyfriend hadn't called and begged me to leave and not consummate with her again. A pivotal moment that embedded in my brain, to be unearthed at a much later time, I shall never, ever, ever again allow a man to keep me from someone else I love.

    The women I've given my heart to still number less than the fingers on one hand. Each time I connected with one physically (and that's only on two hands) I knew quickly that only my heart was involved - not theirs. Now, these ten years or so since the last, I don't know if I could ever do it again. (I know! Such awesome positivity! (!) ) But, I love that I am now friends with some "hot bi babes" - and I mean purely platonic friends who happen to know about each other that we have had sex with other women. Maybe that's a stepping stone to more girl-sex, maybe not. It is certainly a stepping stone to much greater acceptance of myself. Like many men become after their first true love breaks their heart, ever after they treat women as objects at a distance, with the occasional lap dance, much porn, and a healthy dose of skepticism.

    Hey... you asked! :roflmao::tears::bang: