1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Did anyone not believe you were gay cuz you didn't look gay?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Margaret, Feb 20, 2017.

  1. Margaret

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    I'm struggling with coming out because I think I'm the most femme lesbian on the planet! I wear pink stuff, dresses, make-up, and have long hair. I dress like a very feminine straight girl and that's me it's not fake. I'm afraid people won't believe I'm gay if I tell them, that they'll just think I'm a confused straight girl. Anyone have issues with that or no?
     
    #1 Margaret, Feb 20, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2017
  2. actualdust

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2017
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    I've never had this exact issue, but I fear other people's views/opinions of me esp. about my gender as well. The best thing you can do is build your self confidence up to the point where you can say screw em and be yourself. Best wishes! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,868
    Likes Received:
    591
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Aha... A lot...
     
  4. JonSomebody

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2012
    Messages:
    1,073
    Likes Received:
    27
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes...I get that impression all the time from straight and gay people. In fact, I used to get that a lot while frequenting local gay clubs. A lot of the guys had a problem with me because I did not act or dress like your stereotypical gay guy and had target me as being a gay basher for a long time.
     
  5. Assassin'sKat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2016
    Messages:
    645
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Your head, zombie.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Ehh who cares if they don't believe you? The fact is, YOU know the truth. And there ARE very feminine lesbians aren't there.
     
  6. clocky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2016
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tucson
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm not gay but my dad doesn't believe that I'm pan.
     
  7. Margaret

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Thanks for the replies guys :slight_smile:
     
  8. Kye

    Kye
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2016
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wales, UK
    Not exactly the same, but as a genderfluid, I dress in feminine clothes pretty much all of the time, since I only have four 'masculine' items of clothing in my whole wardrobe, and I'm not in a position where I can build on that by buying more.
    As a result, I'm quite wary of coming out to people in general, since I don't exactly 'look like a genderfluid person'- however, I've had no problem with that in regards to the few friends I've come out to.
    I think at the end of the day, people who respect that you know yourself will believe you regardless of how you dress, but at the end of the day, you know who you are, and you certainly don't have to dress any way other than how you dress already in order to 'prove' you're the sexuality that you say you are :slight_smile:
     
  9. Margaret

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA

    Wow that's crazy.. I'm sorry they reacted that way.
     
  10. Myles Kramer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2017
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Middle of Missouri
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    ^^ genderfluid and feeling very similarly. I have built up a nice variety of more or less masculine clothing that I love but its hard to find stuff that fits me, I feel the "i don't look genderfluid"/ I can't pass so hard bc im too skinny. I look like an eight year old and I never quiet eat enough so I don't build muscle well :/// I really want to change that but its going to be a long haul working through what might be an eating disorder
     
  11. JonSomebody

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2012
    Messages:
    1,073
    Likes Received:
    27
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you so much. Eventually, they finally came around when they all witnessed a very popular local entertainer walked off the stage right in the midst of his performance and walked directly to the back of the club where I was standing and grabbed me and planted a huge, lingering kiss in front of everyone. Although this guy had informed me several times that he was interested in me...not only did his actions shock everyone in the club ...but it also shocked me as well. Everyone in the club mouths dropped open and all I heard was silence...(!):thumbsup::eusa_danc
     
  12. Margaret

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    I have an eating disorder too.. (I understand yours is a maybe) I read an article recently about how "queer girls" supposedly don't get eating disorders, guess I don't fit the mold.

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2017 at 08:08 PM ----------

    Haha that's one way to prove you're gay! Glad it worked out :slight_smile:
     
  13. Aliscythe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte
    Im as masculine looking as can be: 6'+, broad shoulders, s*****y, etc. When I *tell* people Im genderqueer, they often don't buy it because of my looks - but many can tell something is off because my mannerisms don't match the visual. Some of the more insightful folks figure it out pretty quick, but most of the others will never get past my looks. I've learned to just let it play out as it plays out and only tell people when it might matter to them or me in a material way.
     
  14. Sebby45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    710
    Likes Received:
    58
    Location:
    The Black Order
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I kind of had the opposite experience...

    I didn't think anyone noticed me, because I keep a really low profile. But at my various jobs people would constantly ask if I had a boyfriend. When I would say no, they would automatically think I was "on the other side of the fence."

    I even had one person say to me that they knew I was a lesbian the moment they saw me.

    Hmmm...I must give off a vibe.

    Sebby
     
  15. tulipinacup

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    571
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    "oh honey i thought you came out already?"
    jk but what's funny is that when i was a kid everyone thought i was and as i grew older no one doesn't have a clue and thinks i'm straight..which is an insult tbh .
     
  16. Sinopaa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2013
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Uh...*pushes Onstar*
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I had that problem for my gender. Before I came out I had this hardcore biker mixed with goth persona. So when I came out as a girl people were like "there's no way, you're hardly feminine". Eventually I wore dresses and acted more femme for awhile to get family and friends to stop questioning my identity and mispronouning me. Now I'm in this middle-ground where some of the femme stuff stuck while I went back to a gothic/biker look.
     
  17. Loveislife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    None of your business
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    You're not alone. I definitely thought that I could not be gay because I wasn't like a stereotypical lesbian at all before I seriously started questioning my sexuality.
     
  18. Margaret

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    I like your signature!
     
  19. BadassFrost

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Czech Republic
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah, happened to me few times. One of my friends even completely forgot (at least twice) I came out to her. I don't look like a stereotypical gay, I don't think I have any prominent feminine side, I just look and act like an ordinary straight guy. Another friend even thought I either lied about being gay or pretended acting 'straight', because he had no idea how such a 'straight acting' dude might be gay... It took a while to convince him that I was neither lying nor pretending anything.