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Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a teen?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by I am straight, Apr 20, 2016.

  1. brainwashed

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    Sweet! (!)
     
  2. baristajedi

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    :kiss:

    I'm just saying to 'I am Straight', i don't like what you're serving, home-skillet.

    Nobody should have to prove that they're gay (or bi or trans or whatever) enough or that they're path to understanding themself makes enough sense. We are not here to defend our LGBT identities, we're here to share and support.
     
    #62 baristajedi, Apr 27, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2016
  3. greatwhale

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I was going to make a point-by-point presentation on the OP's premise, how inconsistent it is, or willfully ignorant.

    But hey, life is just too short, and I'm living it with the man that I love.
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    :icon_bigg :kiss: :eusa_clap (!) :thumbsup:

    Yassss! Hearts and hugs and kisses to you greatwhale in this sentiment.
     
    #64 baristajedi, Apr 27, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2016
  5. brainwashed

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    Oh my, "until my mid 20s" Early bloomer!
     
  6. WanderingMind

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    Hi, OP...

    What does it matter whether a person "didn't know" or "didn't know"?
     
  7. Katchoo

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    Whether we know or know in italics, or know when we are 4 or 14 or 40, or change how we identify over time, or any of that, everybody's story is unique and ok and cool and, imo, interesting. I just want to hear people's stories. Hearing that people have different stories from each others helps me feel like I am less wierd, because different is normal. So, thanks for sharing stuff. No body has to prove things here.
     
  8. SHACH

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    Hear, hear! I love reading people's stories.
     
  9. LionsAndShadows

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I don't think this thread was about proving things one way or another. It was simply a question about when and how we experience our same sex attraction. It feels a bit like the latter posts are trying to close that simple question down. That makes me feel uncomfortable. We should be open to questions, surely.
     
  10. baristajedi

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I don't want to shut down the conversation, I think all the sharing that's been done here has been awesome. I always love everyone's stories and have loved to read these.

    But if I'm being completely honest, the original question as well as every post inside the thread that has been added by the original poster has been framed, in my opinion, in a way that felt like it was expressing the poster's disbelief about the stories shared here.
     
  11. confused04

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    Especially since I said that even with my confusion over the past years, even looking back into my younger years, i still say i don't think i was attracted to other females. I had boy crushes, and dated boys, though was never very sexual with them.
     
  12. I am straight

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I'm a person with some interest in human psychology. This is an issue of human psychology. I think I might learn more from talking to (gay) people themselves about their psychology than from reading a book written by a psychologist.

    ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2016 at 03:40 PM ----------

    I have disbelief about a minority of the stories shared here. I see people write that they had no idea that they were gay until they were middle aged, and then a few weeks later some of those same people will write a post about a gay experience they had when they were teenagers. baristajedi, respectfully, I see a contradiction in that.

    ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2016 at 03:41 PM ----------

    Same here. That's why I come here.

    ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2016 at 03:42 PM ----------

    I understand, greatwhale.

    ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2016 at 03:45 PM ----------

    True, but I have probably been stigmatized more and abused more for being a suspected homosexual than most of you people have been stigmatized or abused for being gay though.

    I didn't mean to make anyone feel like i'm putting them on trial.
     
  13. baristajedi

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    With all due respect, this is not what this forum is for. This is not a place to call people out on their understanding of themselves. It's a place to share and a place for support. If your comments aren't intended to help or encourage people, then I don't believe they are appropriate. This is just my opinion, but I know that's why I come here.


    I sincerely feel empathy and compassion for any struggles you've experienced in your life as a result of being suspected to be a homosexual.

    But, I would like to just say that this does not mean that you understand what it's like to be gay. Sorry, you just don't. You don't know what it's like to feel shame for your identity and for something as core as your sexuality. I will never understand what it's like to be you, and you will never understand what it's like to be me. I will not pretend I understand your struggles. Please don't pretend you understand the struggles of LGBT folks, if you are not in fact LGBT.

    I appreciate that this was not your intention. It doesn't change the result of the approach in my opinion, though.
     
  14. brainwashed

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    You stated you study psychology (I did not quote this material) so you may then know that human memory is not infallible. Actually human memory is pretty unreliable. Second people like to "embellish" experiences. There is a whole host of reasons for this.

    To keep this short. Simply because people experience something when younger does not mean they were able to reflect on said experience and ascertain it's meaning. (please see greatewhale material on reflection.)

    Wow. A quantitative assessment. The quoted material is akin to those people who come up to a deceased person's relative(s) at a funeral and say "I know just how you feel". Lol.

    My take. People who do that are closed and unable to truly reach out and understand others. People who say this at funerals are insensitive.

    Later
     
  15. rachael1954

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I have disbelief about a minority of the stories shared here. I see people write that they had no idea that they were gay until they were middle aged, and then a few weeks later some of those same people will write a post about a gay experience they had when they were teenagers.

    I haven't followed close enough to see who said what, but I want to say I see your point of view 100% How could you not know... yet have done 'gay things' earlier in life? It seems impossible.

    Yet somehow it happens, and I wish I could explain but it is more an indescribable feeling of being shocked into awareness at midlife.

    If you engage in 'immature sexual experimentation' as a young person, society and friends can accept it as part of being crazy and youthful. And more importantly, you can more easily explain it away to YOURSELF as being a one-off or every now and then thing you did that had nothing to do with being gay.

    And then you put aside those behaviors to be an Appropriate Adult In Society and focus on everything else as an Adult is supposed to. And voila! Perfect recipe for later in life.
     
    #75 rachael1954, Apr 28, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2016
  16. Cam50

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I knew I wanted to be with guys but would not allow myself to accept it. Until a few days ago I lived in the closet and denied who I was. The fact is we are on this site because we really know who we are and need some validation and support to accept it. I want to have a chance in life to openly love another man that can love me back.

    Good luck and accept yourself for the beautiful person you are.
     
  17. Justasking100

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    I think for me at the early stages of coming out I can look back and recognise as a teenager I did have some attraction to men, or at least a recognition that men stood out more for me than women. Albeit I was fantasising about women. But when I got what I thought I wanted, a girlfriend and regular sex I realised I had been in love with the idea of being straight. It bothers me that it wasn't clearer and leaves me with a lingering doubt over my sexuality. My initial reaction to realising I was in fact attracted to men, aged 20, was depression and then total denial of it. I remember always wanting to fit in and went along with the 'I fancy that girl' thing that everyone was doing when in actual fact if I was honest with myself I didn't actually. I still experienced hurt when some of the girls rejected me, but who likes being rejected?

    I certainly didn't correlate my noticing the guys in baywatch on tv more than the girls, same with 90210 with being gay. I was simply being me and it's only in hindsight that I can see this.

    So a very confusing picture emerges.

    I don't think there is a one rule fits all approach.

    I certainly obtained the messages that being gay was 'wrong' or something to be made fun of.

    Once I realised such was my denial that I barely even let gay come into my master story fantasies even though when I did it was better this when I thought about a woman and more fulfilling. Even then it was so difficult to accept that I put all these thoughts and fantasies locked away into a little box in the back of my mind - that was my defence mechanism to keep being gay and all things gay as far away from me as possible. I resolved to take it to the grave, rather than face it which has been to the detriment of my own mental health.

    ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2016 at 02:31 AM ----------

    So I guess I didn't consciously 'know' as a teenager but it took a long time for it to come into my concious and to acknowledge it for what it was. It didn't help that when I asked for help I was told it was an obsessive issue rather than being a sexuality issue by a doctor. That set me back significantly because I had a psychiatric diagnosis which compounded my denial.

    ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2016 at 02:33 AM ----------

    The idea being that I didn't want to be gay desperately so I continued to try and lead a heterosexual life with relationships but ultimately depression always repeated on me but now was always able to find excuses for how I was feeling. Denial is very powerful I think.
     
  18. driedroses

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    Re: Did any of you not know that you were attracted to the same sex when you were a t

    This resonates with me - that I was simply being me when I had crushes on girls in middle school. And also having a conservative religious upbringing, not knowing that bisexuality was even a thing, and not having a positive female role model to talk to about such experience - all of that led to not realizing my true sexuality until my late 20s.

    It's a different time, it really is. My kids are young adults / teenagers now and understand sexuality so much better than I ever did at their ages, and I'm so grateful for that for them. The better we get, the more we learn, the more we teach, and the more open we are, the less I think we will see these "later in life" discoveries. I hope so, at least, because closets are not great places for storing people.