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Developing "gaydar"

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by tealreality, Mar 30, 2017.

  1. tealreality

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    So, now that I'm starting to accept myself, and allowing myself to feel attracted to men, I find myself wondering how to tell if someone else is gay. There is this guy that I have.a crush on, but I have no idea if he is gay or not and I've gotten no clues from what. He says. if I had come out as a teenager or early 20's I would have a lot of experience with this by now. But I'm in my late 30s and just now starting to try and figure this out. Is there a secret or trick to figuring this out?
     
  2. Stewie

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    Nope. That's the simple answer, you could always bring up a lgbtq issue and see his reaction or just simply hit on him and see what happens!
     
  3. I'm gay

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    Yeah, you're asking the million dollar question, and I'd love to have better gaydar myself. From people who are much better at spotting things that I've talked to, it seems to be a combination of empathic qualities and keen behavior observers who are just better at reading people. Some people believe that gaydar doesn't really exist - that some people just pick up signs that others miss isn't some magical or mystic ability, just better observation.

    Whether it's a vibe called gaydar or just picking up clues, I wish I was better at it.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    I just assume everyone is gay until they tell me otherwise :slight_smile:
     
  5. Stewie

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    Hahaha
     
  6. r2de2baca

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    We are spirtual beings and energy is vibrational. Therefore I think there is something to gaydar but it is not a proven science. Sometimes a hunch could be wrong or right. The best way to know if your crush is gay and into is:

    1. Let your crush know you are gay but you cant expect anything from it.
    2. If you are cool with this guy you could ask what are his thoughts about gay people to see if he is gay friendly and then come out to him if you feel safe. if he is gay he may come out to you or maybe not.
    3. Hey its no offense but I think you are attrcative and wanted to know if you are into guys too? This could go really well or really bad which is why you should only do this if you feel he is a nice mild mannered guy.

    #3 is the direct approach and cuts through all the what ifs. Usualky however people dont have the balls to do #3 and hope and try and interpret signs for months or years.

    One thing to remember is if he says he is straight then you have to accept that whether its true or not. Sometimes people lie if they dont want to come out to you.
     
  7. OnTheHighway

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    All kidding aside (ok, maybe still some laughs)

    Just yesterday I was on a flight. I had my tablet open and I was reading a well known LGBT periodical. There was an image of a shirtless guy on the screen next to an article I was reading. As I was reading the article (a regular feature in the magazine on "a day in the life", nothing sinister so everyone get their minds out of the gutter) an incredibly handsome and very personable guy was walking down the isle towards me. We shared a brief moment of eye contact, he then stopped and we started a conversation with one another (for me eye contact followed by discussion is usually a good confirmation). We never discussed anything LGBT related. As we talking for what seemed like upwards of 30 minutes, we smiled at each other (a bit flirtasious no doubt), and he noticed the tablet and kept glancing towards the screen to take a peak at the photo.

    Now, had I bumped into him on the street, I would have had no idea one way or another if he was gay but again I would have just assumed he is. If he would have made eye contact with me, that would have been my first sign confirming to me he was and then the same type of conversation would have probably occurred. On the flight, while it was never discussed, it was clear he was gay. We had eye contact, we both took time to chat and flirt a bit, he noticed and maintained attention to the article I was reading, and gave no other indication he was straight.

    That's my approach to the "gaydar" theory. I will say my husband HATES this approach. He always lovingly slaps me when we are together and it happens and he thinks I make a bit of a game out of it. I think for me, I just want every guy to be gay!
     
    #7 OnTheHighway, Mar 31, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2017
  8. PatrickUK

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    I've been doing this gay thing for years now :slight_smile: and I can tell you that you will see or meet men/women who will scream homo and send your gaydar into meltdown, but there will be other times when you will not get so much as a blip, regardless of experience.

    Over time, your gaydar might become more finely tuned and you will pick up low level vibes from people who don't seem 'obvious' but you'll still have plenty of misses. Sometimes the only way to know is to ask or engineer a conversation in such a way that you might discover the answer. Most gay men/women will come out to another gay man or woman - it's simply a case of who'll break cover first.
     
  9. OED27x

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    I honestly have really good gaydar with women. Not a blip with men though. It's all about observation and picking up on a really subtle vibe. I don't know how to describe it. Another thing for you to do is drop a hint and mention a guy that is attractive, or mention a feature of someone you admire - whether it be physical or not - and see your dude's reaction.
     
  10. Imjustjulien

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    "Just yesterday I was on a flight." ...loved reading your experience 'Onthehighway'

    That is such a beautiful, natural connection...description. How simple a meeting can be, serendipity if ever! Years back, on my first international, heading to Europe to go backpacking, on a Qantas flight with Peter Allens 'I still call Australia Home' playing (also serendipitous...) as we taxi-ied to take off... I had a few tears, excited, overwhelmed, amazed to be going... one steward, then two picked up on my emotions, they were on reflection so sweet, both I guessed gay...if body language and eye contact is anything to go on, handsome, playful, friendly and professional...and one suppressing what seemed to me, young traveller that I was effusively camp mannerisms, not gone unnoticed by me (though trying not to give away my secret) as I sipped the cold beer they brought me.

    Looking through tecnicolour glasses, as I write this, I like to think they found me so too...LOL. It was I must say really nice, and come to think this is the first time I've shared it.

    Did they have 'gaydar' or did I... LOL. who knows, but I do sense the first steward tuned in, got me a drink, chatted till we took off, then came back again later... a sweet memory...'gaydar', well 'gay' at least. ��...certainly tuned in, a vibe one might say...! Fasten your seatbelts.
     
    #10 Imjustjulien, Mar 31, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 31, 2017