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Depression or just overreacting? Someone please help...

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Nov 13, 2017 at 4:29 AM.

  1. Anonymous

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    Ever since the beginning of this school year, I've been very busy. And along with this business comes stress. Lately, though, its been really bad. I'm overwhelmed, overworked and sleep deprived. I haven't been talking to my friends as much in the past yr but especially in these past months. I've never been a very social person, but I'm talkative. Also, on top of all of this, I am trying to figure out my identity.

    I'm the type of person who tries to put on a straight face even on my worst days. Most of the time, I will tell someone I'm okay even if I'm not. And honestly, I may just need to vent.

    This October, I got what I consider a bad grade on a very easy test. I was very very upset. It messed up my whole day. Then, on the bus ride home from school, I started thinking, what if I was dead. What would life be like. I thought, how great would it be if I could just disappear. I contemplated texting a crisis hotline, but then I thought I was overreacting and it wasn't worth it. I ended up going home and watching mental health ted talks for an hour.

    Coincidentally it was depression awareness month so on snapchat, they had an article about someone talking about her depression. She described it as a dog. She was born with this dog. It layed low for a while. But then it started to act up, especially at the worst times. She had to learn how to tame her dog. She talked to other people with all different size dogs. Sometimes her dog acts up, but she learned how to try to control it.

    I wonder if I have a dog. What if it's just starting to act up?

    Sometimes, I just feel invisible. Like I could disappear and no one would notice. Sort of like Evan Hansen. (yes, I'm a theatre geek, don't judge) And sometimes, I just wish the world would stop. Potentially even end.

    That's kind of how I felt today. A bunch of small bad things happened and then one big thing happened. I was away for the weekend and today I was coming home. This morning, I lost a pair of very special earrings, tonight, I got into an argument with my mom and my family got involved. Then later tonight, my parents told me that they had found the B word written on my desk in red lipstick. By then, I was stressed out, tired, overwhelmed. They started asking me a million questions, potentially accusing my best friend, who I knew wouldn't do that. I ended up crying multiple times tonight. I didn't want to go up to my room and see that. I eventually convinced my dad to wipe it down. But first, he took a picture and forced me to look at it. Now I'm mentally, physically and emotionally drained.

    And sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions. Like everyone needs a part of me. And they just keep taking and taking and taking until I'm gone. I'm just the essence of a human being.

    Sometimes I think the worst part about this is that I have a great life. An amazing life. Such a good life, it would be too boring to write a movie about. At least most of the time. And I honestly feel guilty and selfish for feeling this way.

    And to add on to the thing about understanding myself. I don't know who I am anymore. And honestly trying to rediscover that is draining. I'm clinging on to life by a thread.

    Now I know I could never bring myself to kill myself, but I'm scared for my future because I'm not psychic. And I don't want to die young. I have great friends, a great family, good grades. (I'm hoping I get into Yale when I apply in 4 years). I'm an overachiever. And also an overthinker.

    So now, please, please help. I really need someone to hear me. Because I'm barely holding on. And if you somehow managed to read all that gibberish, thank you. Thank you so so much.
     
  2. Anonymous

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    Try not to worry about one test. It happens to the best of us. Don't beat yourself up over it. Honestly, what you consider a bad mark on a test to someone else it could mean a good grade. It's all in perspective. Don't put all your self worth and validation in a grade you get on a test. Don't let it effect how you feel about yourself.
    You mentioned about depression awareness month and the analogy about the dog. You said what if you had a dog, and what if it's starting to act up? If the dog represents an emotion or a feeling and you are worried about it acting up suddenly you need to acknowledge it and try to take steps to resolve it. Don't run away from something because you fear something rising up. Problems don't get solved by ignoring the problem. If you fear your depression rising up for example, don't just sweep it under the rug. I see that you had quite a few things that have happened to you that really have been bothering you. I know it's tough, but you will get through it. Hang in there. Try to find some activities you can do that will get your mind off things that are stressing you out. Try going for a walk, reading, or learning a new hobby or skill, etc. I know that when I take a nice long walk it really improves my mood. That's how I improved my depression. Studies have shown that a long walk every day helps with depression. It releases feel good endorphins. When it comes to depression, you should really try to get some counseling It will help you sort through things. And if you can't get to see a counselor even talking to a friend can help. You don't have to really go into detail with friends if you don't want to but sometimes just talking and spending time with people will help you get through things. Turn to your friends to help you through this tough time. I hope you feel better soon.
     
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  3. Anonymous

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    Thank you, honestly. You have no idea how much I needed to have someone to respond. I really needed to hear that. So, thank you. I will definitely try that.
     
  4. Ruby Dragon

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    I can relate to so much of this, and I have bipolar depression/disorder. I understood the black dog thing all too well. Sinking into a pit of darkness, a bottomless pit. What I usually do when I'm feeling so low, is write poems. And you don't have to be a good writer to write poems. And it doesn't have to be a full page either. Even if it's just 10 lines, as long as you get a release.

    I think what you're going through is partially depression, and partially feeling overwhelmed with everything that's going on with you. I'm not saying depression is normal, but feeling overwhelmed is perfectly normal. Sometimes, our minds get so busy trying to puzzle together things that have happened/are happening that we forget to just breathe and relax, take some time for ourselves.

    If you haven't already, I'd suggest you seek help from a mental health professional. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist, though that would probably be best. Get your GP to refer you to one. Sometimes, it helps to get our emotions and thoughts out in the open, and the bonus is, you get treatment for your depression, or even just calming tablets (Like Ativan, for example). It eases the anxiety and gives you an overall sense of calm. I think your GP can prescribe antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they're not necessarily qualified to give you mental health assistance. That's where therapists/psychiatrists come in. They're trained to handle these things specifically, and will be able to help you keep your dog at bay.

    I'm currently under the care of my psychiatrist as well as a counselling psychologist. The latter helps me talk about stuff that's going on with me in daily life, and the former prescribes the meds I need to function (sort of) like a normal person. My GP picked up on the fact that I have some sort of disorder. So guess I don't "pass" too well as a normal person, lol. Either way, knowing that there are three professionals who can offer me support and help me improve daily, helps me cope. So maybe speak to your GP at first and see what he/she suggests. If you're financially dependent on your parents, maybe try talking to them first. Tell them what you've told us and let them help you getting the help you need.

    Not sure if any of this makes sense, but I hope it helps a little. In the meantime, try to do stuff you enjoy doing to take your mind off of what you're feeling and thinking. It could be a hobby, or playing video games, reading a thick book, writing, anything. I know it's hard for an overthinker to do but try not to dwell on your negative thoughts too much. Chin up, you're still here for a reason. (By saying chin up, I don't mean get over yourself, I'm simply trying to encourage you to feel better about stuff). If that makes sense, lol. Take care of yourself, okay? :slight_smile: Hugs
     
  5. Anonymous

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    awww honestly thank you so much. it honestly was really useful. If i could bother u for one more second, I have one more question. I have a lot of trounle opening up to people and admitting I have a problem and I can't do this on my own. is there anything to help with that?
     
  6. Ruby Dragon

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    Glad it helped you :slight_smile:

    Well, it's always hard to be vulnerable. And being open and honest about stuff, is being vulnerable. The best thing to do is to start small. Don't think about the bigger picture now. Start with something that seems almost insignificant (not that your problems are insignificant). Example: "I've had a bad day yesterday because xyz, but today's looking better for me, because xyz". Small stuff that upset you yesterday, and small stuff that made today better. It can be anything, from a bad hair day yesterday, to the fact that you stubbed your toe on the coffee table yesterday. But today you are having a good hair day and you've managed to move carefully around the coffee table, so you didn't stub your toe again.

    I know it sounds silly, but remember: you can't climb to the top of a ladder without stepping on lower steps first. Build up to more significant stuff gradually. Don't think you have to mention everything at once. And if you don't feel comfortable sharing too much stuff in the first few sessions, it's okay to tell the therapist that you'd like to start small and gradually work yourself up to the real issue(s). They will understand and might even make you feel comfortable enough to share a bit more, even during the first session. I know it's a scary thought that you have to talk about yourself/your life/struggles to a virtual stranger. It'll be a bit awkward for at least 3 sessions, and then you will start easing up and will find it easier to share deeper things :slight_smile:

    ETA: And if you're not comfortable talking to a therapist at this stage, just opening up slowly to a trusted friend or family member, will help you get it out there. I had a hard time talking about myself too, but as I've gradually climbed the ladder, it became easier, my legs became steadier and stronger, and I could climb to the top (Though I have a fear of heights :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). Hope this helps
     
    #6 Ruby Dragon, Nov 14, 2017 at 7:14 AM
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017 at 7:18 AM
  7. illbehere

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    Thank you, honestly. You have no idea how much I needed to have someone to respond. I
    awww honestly thank you so much. it honestly was really useful. If i could bother u for one more second, I have one more question. I have a lot of trounle opening up to people and admitting I have a problem and I can't do this on my own. is there anything to help with that>
     
  8. Anonymous

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    oops i guess i forgot to post anonymously
     
  9. Ruby Dragon

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    Happens to the best of us, lol. We don't judge you either way. See my reply above yours regarding your apprehension to opening up. I wish you all the best, you can do this!
     
  10. Anonymous

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    Thank you so much. I'm afraid of heights too aha. I think I'm at least going to keep a journal right now. That might just be all I do. I'm not especially close to anyone in my family and I'm scared to talk to my friends but I'll work on it. Thanks!
     
  11. illbehere

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    Thank you so much. I'm afraid of heights too aha. I think I'm at least going to keep a journal right now. That might just be all I do. I'm not especially close with anyone in my family
     
  12. illbehere

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    ugh my internet is not working right. Sorry for the double posts
     
  13. Ruby Dragon

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    Journaling is a great way to get rid of some deep emotions/thoughts that trouble you. I hope it helps you :slight_smile:
     
  14. Anonymous

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    Thank youu