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Depression in the relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by KevCO, Aug 19, 2020.

  1. KevCO

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    I'd like to hear from others who have handled a depressed partner. I have one who is. Usually we are great, he's very expressive and giving, loves adventures and likes getting me little gifts. He is responsible with work and really dedicated with taking care of the house and yard. About twice a month he has what I'll call an episode of depression or anger (being related even if they look different) and becomes mean, domineering, and shows that the world owes him because he wants to be a biological dad. Something which I can't create physically or financially. He then says life isn't worth it. I, on the other hand, want to adopt someday but during these times can't get a word in because he's entitled to be mean since the world screwed him over. Then he snaps out of it, expresses his appreciation for me, and it's as if nothing happened. He's consistent and positive 98.5% of the time, the other times I think he could kill himself or get us both arrested. I am not able to resist going nuclear. I can't match someone like that and can't hold an ultimatum like Angry Partner can. For what it's worth (lol) he's a Latin male. Has anyone handled something similar?
     
  2. LaraB

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    I suffer from depressive episodes but it doesn’t make me mean and domineering. That’s red flag behaviour he needs to address.

    is it always around that one issue? Can he get therapy to talk through it? Do you think he is grieving that loss?
     
  3. KevCO

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    Yes, it is red flag behavior, and I have done a lot of thinking. However it has gotten better generally and is not at deal-breaker level. Usually it is quick like a few minutes, butobut for a week or two and that is hard to bear. There is some general anger problem I think, along with mourning. I have come to feel that one of the hardest but most important things in life is to pursue that thing you want with all you have, yet be at peace if it doesn't turn out. Not always easy I know. I think about relationships that give each other time to come around and wonder what does that look like other than just hearing it as a phrase.
     
  4. KeLeWi

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    It sounds like he has some inner demons that he needs to address. Is he willing to see a therapist? I don't know if his being Latin has anything to do with it. Is Latin temperament an unfair stereotype? I do hope for your relationship's sake that he will seek help.
     
  5. Lek

    Lek
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    Is he getting treated for depression? Would you say he has wild mood swings? If so, he might have been misdiagnosed. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar, and my partner has been with me every step of the way.

    I think you need to have a talk with him about his anger; especially ask him if there's anything you can do while he is having an outburst. Let him know how you feel when he has an outburst. You sound quite loving and understanding, but he's not entitled to be mean. He's entitled to be angry about things that have happened to him.

    For me, my anger was a shield for pain. Really deep pain. In fact, there was a time I was terrified of my pain. When I dealt with it, I started to heal. Group therapy was extremely good for me. And my partner's love has helped me through difficult times.

    I admire that you are sticking with him, but don't neglect yourself. Love yourself too. I hope I've said something helpful.

    Take care.