I thought I was getting better. For a while my medications for bipolar seemed to be working and I wasn't so depressed. But a couple weeks ago the semester at my university started back up again and the stress from that has caused me to spiral into a depressive episode. To cope with that I have been spending every day sleeping, smoking weed or drinking, and then sleeping again. I've missed about half of my classes since they started. I feel like shit. I have no motivation to do homework. All I want to do is escape from feeling bad or feeling nothing. I am still in therapy and still on medication. I've tried doing all the things that doctors recommend (eating right, sleeping, exercise, meditation) and nothing seems to help. I still feel miserable. I still feel like a failure and have very little self esteem. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to. Any help or advice would be appreciated.
I don't really know what to suggest since I have similar issues, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I don't use drugs anymore but I still drink a lot and am trying to fix that. Being drunk in class might actually be worse than not going at all. I barely sleep which is just as bad as always sleeping too.
Have you communicated with your psychiatrist that your meds aren't working, and that you are self-medicating? Often, a medication will work for a while, then the body becomes habituated and it's necessary to change to a different one. Also, both of you probably already know this but alcohol (and, to a lesser extent, weed) are both depressants. So while they may be effective in numbing, they will actually make you more depressed in the long run. Doing things that will boost endorphins and serotonin can help... walking or running. Talking deeply with others. Attending self-help meetings. I can't over emphasize how much human interaction... deep, meaningful interaction... is crucial to long-term healing from depression, as it is one of the only ways you can actually repattern the deficient neural pathways that underlie the depression.
