I identify as a gay female; I am absolutely comfortable with an idea of being in a relationship with a woman, it feels so natural and right, like it's exactly what I'm supposed to be, and I love it. Yet lately I have some unpleasant thoughts running across my mind, like it will change in the future, and right now I have to try more to wish I could have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It's like I wish I could genuinely want it, and simultaneously, don't want this to become true, I dread it. It's like I don't want to be limited, but don't want to be forced; and this notion that being a lesbian is limiting makes me very sad. The idea of having relationships with women only is fine and comforting, in fact, but there is a thought that tells me that I'm not worthy enough if I don't desire to have relationship with men. It's like I think I can get used to it, because there are plenty of good guys out there; what if I could be happy this way? Aesthetically, I can appreciate anyone (I am an artist, so noticing beautiful features happens automatically). And when I do see an attractive guy, I usually think "he looks cool, I wish I had such attributes/flat chest". And of course my overthinking mode goes off ("See, you do find him attractive, that means that with some effort you could have a relationship with him, and maybe even have sex"), and after couple of minutes I end up feeling very bad and depressed. I'm having these instances nearly every day, I'm so exhausted because of them. Does this sound like a denial, or is just me having mad intrusive thoughts? I also haven't been diagnosed by a professional, but after some research I've concluded that what I'm experiencing is some sort of though OCD (HOCD; I know that some people here take this separate classification with a grain of salt, but some may understand better how I view this whole issue of mine).