So, this might sound silly but it’s really bothering me. After watching Heartstopper on Netflix it’s left me longing for closeness and a relationship. I’m a 29 year old, openly gay man but my past relationships pretty much sum up hearstopper, without the happy ending. also my last relationship was over 3 years ago. I fall hard and fast for straight guys (I guess it’s the dream) and when they fall for me/discover what they want, they use their new found confidence to screw me over. It’s not that I’m scared of a new relationship, I just don’t know where to find people. I don’t put myself out there much (there isn’t much in my area), historically I have always been attracted to ‘straight’ guys, and I’ve always worked in a female dominated field where I tend to be the only guy. Apps never work for me and I’m not sure what to do with this longing feeling.
Greg.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! I am so sorry for the place that you find yourself in. It's difficult enough for us when the "dating pool" is so much smaller that it is for straight people. It makes it easy to look at straight guys and think "maybe..." only to either get turned down or lead on and then turned down...or sometimes even worse. As I said, we are here for you...if you need to vent, or whatever! The rest of this post is some info about how to use Empty Closets. I hope that we can really be a help to you! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Hi Greg, that's not silly at all!!! I know the feeling well. Still single, but the feeling's lessened a bit over the years. I'm still fairly early in my journey, so I don't know how helpful my advice may be, but I've often thought that the lonely feeling is trying to tell me, paradoxically, to develop myself more and be more comfortable with myself (alone), before I'm ready to REALLY share a life with someone. I feel like that process is generally more seamless for straight folks since they don't usually have a closet to come out of first. I hope you can find some place where you can put yourself out there... not even like clubbing or that sort of thing that's focused on meeting partners, but somewhere you can pursue your interests (or try a new one!) where you can meet people that share your interests, your ideals... share MORE than just an attraction. Still working on that myself obviously, but I've seen it happen for others. Hope something I said helps, and welcome to EC.
When you say you have historically been attracted to 'straight' guys, do you mean guys who are definitely straight or guys who are sexually flexible? I'm just wondering why you wrote the word straight in quotation marks. Ultimately, you will need to steer away from guys like this if you want a serious relationship, but you probably know that anyway. Tell me, what qualities are you actually looking for in a guy? Why do you think you are attracted to 'straight' guys anyway? It would be useful if you can say a little bit more.
"the weight that you carry is love" --- For me. I have made friends with a straight women and we talk about dating. so I think it helps to have someone you are close with to discuss dating with. For me, I find her comfortable as we both like the same things and can freely discuss guys from the romantic to the stuff which I will never repeat again So honestly. PERSONALY, I think it's first about having good friends. So I try to focus on making good friends then those people are better suited to help with dating. Like, I now am way more focused on things like cleaniness and being a nicer person (not hurting people I care about). and im just working on myself. And i do talk to guys sometimes but it's hard because even when you click it just seems to go wrong However the game of love is worth playing, it's so much fun It's hard, very hard but it's worth playing imho! And being young means we get to enjoy the physical side more than if we were older. But any age, the romance side I think is always worth playing! huggggggg _
