It's been a while since I've posted on this website, but hey, this is one of the best places I know of for support so... Anyway, So I have a friend; She's always talked about being supportive and she's always really been accepting and open when it comes to the LGBT+ community, and sees herself as an ally. Well I decided to come out to her as a transman tonight, and I didn't get the response I expected. I mean, don't get me wrong! I wasn't looking for some grand applause, but I've known her for a very long time, so I was very certain on how I thought she'd react, and I was completely wrong. She asked if I was confused, asked me if I was sure because trans people have a harder life than everyone else... She pretty much treated me like a child who couldn't make up their mind. This was someone who I really, really trusted, and I came out as a lesbian years ago, and she barely gave it a second thought, she was totally fine with it. What do you do when something like this happens? I didn't even feel insulted, just defeated that someone who I thought was so accepting, and who was fully supportive of the trans community suddenly sounds like the most ignorance person on the planet? I wanted to try and explain things to her, but everything I said made me sound like the worst person on the planet...
I don't think she was being unsupportive, she is just concerned about how this affects your life and the hardships you have to face. Its going to be a response you get from a lot of people. Explain to her that you're as sure as you will ever be. When I told my friend she ask if I was sure as well. I wasn't insulted because I knew she'd accept me being trans no matter what. She just wanted to make sure I was aware of what it would be like.
If someone is unaccepting or giving me a hard time about it, I try to distance myself from them until they come around or give me more than enough hints that they aren't going to change. If that happens, I drop them like a rock. It's something we all need to brace ourselves for since even the best people can turn on us.
It sounds like she was surprised and concerned about your safety. Sometimes, when you first learn something new about a person, it can catch you off guard and you say things that you really don't mean to say. It also sounds like she is concerned about your future. This means that she has some knowledge about transgender issues, since she knows that it can be hard. I would give her some time to process her emotions, and then go from there.
Haven't had the chance to read the whole conversation, but yeah, sounds like concern mixed with curiosity. It's cool when we are accepted, at the same time to be trans is not as 'common' as being gay, so expect some questions... First thing my grandma asked when I came out to her was 'so, you like girls?'. At first it felt as if she didn't get it, you know, later on I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Won't help me much to do otherwise. Don't think that you'll find many folks just saying 'so you are trans? Oh, ok'. No, a lot of them will ask. Perhaps you are the first trans they have ever met. Try walking in their shoes... Right now I'm getting ready myself for this kind of talks. Doesn't matter how you try to confront them, at the end you'll be pissed, even if it's for a moment.
