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Dealing With Religious/Transphobic Family Members

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hrafn, Aug 30, 2019.

  1. Hrafn

    Regular Member

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    I'm looking for a little advice regarding certain family members. I recently came out to most of my family. Overall it's been good. I haven't had any major issues with the people I expected to be difficult. One of my aunts, however is making me really uncomfortable. I received a text about a week ago which I can only assume is referring to my trans identity and my intentions to transition. She basically is trying to make it all about how the only way for me to find peace and happiness in life is through Jesus. Which is nonsense. Transitioning is what will give me peace. She may not realize how hurtful she's being, but regardless, it's not nice for me to hear.

    I feel like she's shoving her beliefs down my throat even though she knows I'm atheist. And she's denying my gender identity, too. While I was prepared for this sort of thing, I wasn't really prepared for how much this sort of thing hurts. It's really hard not to let it get to me even when I had resolved myself to let go of people who don't support me. If someone has an issue with me, then that's their problem, not mine. Or so I've been telling myself.

    How do I deal with these feelings this crap brings up? It's painful, and frustrating, a little shocking coming from her, and ignoring people like my aunt is honestly easier said than done. I don't see her much as she lives in California, away from me and the rest of my family.

    Should I just ignore her, or try to tell her why what she's said is wrong? Would I be wasting my time trying to point her in the direction of some resources to educate herself? It's awful to have my religious beliefs and gender shoved aside and stomped on. I've gotten little response back from her, making me think that she's not really willing to talk about it (or she's made up her mind).

    If anyone has any advice, I could use it.
     
  2. DecentOne

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    Hey, I don’t know if you are feeling better after a few days. You said yourself you had resolved to let go of people who don’t support you. Maybe concentrate on the people who have been supportive, to outweigh your aunt.

    If that doesn’t work for you, have you ever tried imagining she must be in pain herself? What was it she turned to Jesus about? Would she ever talk about it, and if she did, would you feel better just listening to her story? It sounds like weird advice, but it gets you out of the position of her attacking you, and instead makes it about her feeling weak and you being strong and compassionate. Don’t do this in real life (outside your imagining) if you have problems carrying other’s pain — that is its own mess!