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Dealing with homophobia in school

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Flxei, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. Flxei

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    Heey,
    So i am a bisexual guy at the age of 17 and only came out to my mom.
    I have a pretty flamboyant behaviour and a lot of people at my school notice that. I know that a lot of people think i am gay and i also think that there are some rumors spread about me.
    I ended some friendships because these people were homophobic (one person openly told me that gay marriage should not be allowed and only conservative parties should be considered when voting).
    Now after i ended the friendship i am frequently called a faggot and sometimes the person mentioned gets physical (not hard though). He often tells everyone that i should not be invited to parties and other social activities. He blames everyone but himself when i get better grades then him also telling me that i am not worth getting good grades. This puts me under a lot of mental preasure. I forbade myself to talk about my social life even with close friends.
    I really want to come out the closet but it feels impossible for me because i know that people like him will spread rumors and pain because of my romantic interests.
    I feel like coming out to my close friends would be okay but i know that they are not good at keeping secrets.
    My mother who i came out to about two years ago told me that i should wait until i finish school and open the closet door when i start studying (i am done with school in 3/4 of a year). But i can not wait anymore. I want to be myself.
    It sounds so easy when people tell me i should not listen to what others think or tell about me. But how? How can i overcome something unbeatable?
    How can i be myself without anyone hurting me? *literally crying rn*
    I hate going to school seeing people i hate and learning for something that rewards me with pain. And on top of that i can not be myself too. (Sorry for the repitition)
    Does anyone else experience homophobia in their close environments? And how did you overcome your struggles?
     
  2. LaurenSkye

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    I never dealt with homophobia in school, but I was teased a lot for other reasons. I mostly kept to myself, I was never much of a social person, and just internalized the problem. My recommendation, however, would be to just hold your head up high. Let others know that you don't care what they say and you aren't going to let them dictate who you are. A couple of years ago, (as an adult) someone tried to tease me by asking me why I paint my fingernails pink (the way they said it sounded like they were trying to tease me). I told them "because I want to."
     
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  3. Canterpiece

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    Personally, I was bullied for being gay, and also for several other reasons. This used to happen to me in and outside of school.

    I kept up this fake relationship (we're both gay), and pretended to have crushes on boys now and then in the hopes of convincing others that I'm straight. To an extent it worked, until our lies began to contradict and everything started to fall apart. I ended up being outed to a few people, and the person that I had this relationship with came out of the closet. Unfortunately, his supposed friends turned on him and beat him up.

    Admittedly I didn't cope all that well, and it wasn't until I moved to a different part of the country that I started to feel happy. Coming out often made me nervous, and still does sometimes, because whenever I try to strike up those words... imagery of my negative experiences tends to flash through my mind. One time I felt so on edge that my hands started shaking and I ended up spilling Mocha everywhere.

    I'll give you this piece of advice though; don't be too disheartened by any friends you lose due to coming out. They weren't your friend, instead they were just friends with who they thought you were. It's their loss, and chances are you'll look back and wonder one day "Why was I even friends with them in the first place?"

    As Dave from Boyinaband put it "I can choose my friends, and I can choose my family, if they won't accept me- then others will have me". :slight_smile:

     
    #3 Canterpiece, Dec 6, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
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  4. Chiroptera

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    You did well by ending that "friendship". That person doesn't deserve your time and attention.

    Are there any teachers or other school professionals you trust enough to talk about this? Is your mother open enough for you to explain what is happening and that this person is being a problem to you?
     
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  5. Flxei

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    First off thank you Chiroptera and everyone else for taking your time and answering my thread♡.

    Our school is kinda complicated. There are no such professionals. Some teachers volunteer for ending bullying though but i dont see how they can bring an end to this (i feel like they would place us in a room together and make us talk about our problems and such which would out me and would make me look like an idiot).Also there is not really a teacher i trust enough to come out to. My mom knows that the person is homophobic and lacks a sense of moral. But i could not tell her that he is calling me names and stuff. She told me it would be best not to come out yet as i said in the first post. And what would she be supposed to do?
    She cant call his parents, i know them and they share a lot of beliefs with him (his father once told me that he had flattened the tire of a teacher he did not like, did not think much of that though).
    I will just try to keep as far away from him as possible for now and be even more myself when i know i wont have to see him again.
     
  6. CactiCat

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    I don’t have much advise but I would say to always surround yourself with freinds. True ones
     
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  7. Noahand2

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    I was in denial back then I will admit, and if I ever thought about coming out. All I could imagine all the people who teased me would be more harsher towards me. But even with being in the closet I still got teased. Cant tell you how many times I cried alone.But luckily I had friends that knew me and picked me and helped me throughout high school, and we created unforgettable memories that outweighed all those time I been picked on. Came out Freshmen year in college. Idk if I could have ever came out in high school thinking about it now.
     
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