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Dealing with Dad after coming out

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hobbes, Oct 18, 2017.

  1. Hobbes

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    So, on Monday I came out to my family through letters. My mom seem to be taking it alright for now(I imagine that she'll express her true feelings later down the road) and my sister send me a text message saying that she was proud of me, she loves me, and that it doesn't change anything.

    My dad has been, well, an judgmental asshole about the whole thing (but that's not new). He sent me a text message and this is what he wrote word for word:

    "So people struggle with telling the truth, taking shortcuts, or maybe taking what is not theirs. So you're giving them permission to just be liars, cheaters, and thieves. It's okay to stop struggling with tendencies because now it's socially accepted? Think to the very first commandments given to Adam and Eve.
    God does NOT make mistakes, we do.
    There is absolutely NO future in this"

    My dad and I have never been close and don't see eye to eye. If I have to basically cut him out of my life, I will do so without any regrets. But, how do I handle this without starting a fight?
     
  2. Twist

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    "You're right, dad. God doesn't make mistakes. He made me this way, and it's a part of who I am. I'm sorry that this part of who I am bothers you, but I still love you anyway."
     
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  3. Quantumreality

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    Hey Hobbes,

    I'm not sure you can really address his adamant and aggressive response to your Coming Out without potentially starting a fight, but I like what @Twist wrote, but I would offer just a slightly modified version of his text:

    "You're right, dad. God doesn't make mistakes. He made me this way, and it's a part of who I am and God certainly had no issue with homosexuality in the Ten Commandments. I'm sorry if you choose to make the mistake of not accepting me as the person God made, but I still love you anyway."
     
  4. Elendil

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    Hobbes,
    I'm really sorry to hear your dad reacted so negatively to your coming out. He had no right to send you such a nasty message to you telling him the truth about yourself.

    I'm in agreement with Twist and Quantumreality, there may not be any way you can talk with your dad about it without things getting nasty. Probably the best way to handle the situation is to text him the responses Twist and Quantum suggested and then just cut off contact with him if he continues to be belligerent. If he sends you more hateful responses don't reply to them, you'll only be adding fuel to the fire and gain nothing from it. Maybe, if given enough time and space to absorb it and work out his own issues, he may come around. But if not then, as harsh as it would be, you'd have to cut him out of your life entirely.
     
  5. Hobbes

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    Thank you everyone for your advice, I'll talk to him about this and hopefully everything will go well.
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    Do talk to him, but if he's not prepared to listen or be reasonable (and throwing God into the mix isn't reasonable) walk away. The very worst thing you can do is to get into an argument. Nobody wins when that happens.
     
  7. Hobbes

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    Well, he's not bring God into this, but he is bringing in religion, and based on what we've talked about, it sounds like he's working through the grief process. (Which isn't unexpected.)
     
  8. Elendil

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    You're welcome. I hope everything turns out and if it doesn't remember to keep your cool and stay strong.