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Dating

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by klix, Dec 11, 2016.

  1. klix

    Full Member

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    I've been dating for about a year and I am getting really fed up of the process, its really getting me down and hurting...

    - 90% don't reply
    - Then those that do either:
    - Unmatch/block
    - Stop replying
    - Are only after sex
    - Are in relationships
    - Live ridiculously far away
    - Aren't nice people
    - Are boring / uninteresting

    I've just gotten a message from one guy I met on ******, we went on a first date and now he's saying he's already dating someone else and so we can be friends but thats it.

    I've had one guy who I really fell for and got freaked out by realising he liked me too and a 300 mile distance.

    Then theres they guy who we had a date and ended up sleeping together and then planned another date and he never showed up.

    So many different situations and it's just really starting to hurt, all I want is to find someone nice to date and see where things go but every time I even find someone who likes me I get hurt when they screw me over.

    What am I doing wrong, is this normal?
     
  2. Gravity

    Full Member

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    It sounds like you're dating online, and if that's the case, your experience probably isn't all that atypical. Essentially, you have to do a LOT of sifting through people to find someone who is interested in dating (or who is even ready for dating in the first place).

    First things first, if you're feeling like you're burned out and a bit jaded about the process, then stop. Coming at it with negative feelings won't help, and will likely just add to those negative experiences and feelings. As counter-intuitive as it might be to get off the app/site for a while so that dating goes better in the future, it really can help.

    Also, perhaps you could try talking and getting to know people for longer before meeting (if you're meeting fairly quickly). Or, on the other hand, if you're spending a lot of time talking only to see things fizzle, maybe it would help to try to meet sooner (not necessarily super fast, just think getting to know each other in person instead of on the app). First dates or meetings don't have to be long and intense - you could get together for coffee or something. :slight_smile:

    Of course, all the usual warnings apply - make sure they are who they say they are, meet in public the first few times, tell someone else where you're going and what you're doing, and so forth.

    Quick notice also - keep in mind that mentioning names of dating sites and apps isn't allowed on site. :slight_smile:
     
  3. klix

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    It's not so much burned out, but just feeling like this is going nowhere.
     
  4. Ryler

    Regular Member

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    You're not alone when it comes to these types of problems with online dating. I've completely given up/lost interest on online dating, but I just leave my profile there for the off chance someone that lives near me was interested.

    I only recently came out this summer, and have only dated 2 people in person from online. The first guy was nice, but I didn't feel a connection. The second guy, I thought there was a possibility since we had a lot in common, but it didn't seem like he was ready for a relationship from the things he implied, so I didn't pursue it any further (just to avoid any future heartache, since I can get emotionally attached very quickly).

    I've never been in a relationship before, and have always had that thought in the back of my head all the time. "This is going nowhere, am I gonna be alone forever?" I could've rushed into a relationship just to be in one, but I'd rather wait and find something that has the potential of lasting. Even if it's my first, I want my first to be my last (ideally).

    Ever since I stopped trying to pursue a relationship and thinking about it, I feel much happier. Right now, I'm just trying to improve myself and put forth positive energy. Positivity attracts positivity.

    It's easier said than done, but try to not think about it anymore and work on yourself. Surround yourself with friends to fill the void of a relationship. Embrace your single status, live life like you don't need anybody else and be the person that completes you, so that you don't have the need for someone to complete you in a relationship, but compliments you instead. As cliche as it sounds, the right person will come around the corner when you least expect it.
     
  5. luke564

    Regular Member

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    Online dating can be really hard work for some people, and that can feel extra frustrating when people around you are seemingly having success with it - but really, it's down to luck and not much else.

    When I last did online dating (long before I signed up here) I went on like, 5 dates in 3 years, and none of them went anywhere... people would mysteriously just stop replying, lose interest, find someone else - all sorts, sometimes I found I would click with someone online and then in person we had nothing in common.

    I met my first proper gf online and that happened exactly how Ryler described, I actually gave up, left my profile on there - and then someone (unbelievably!) showed an interest in me - it wasn't perfect but we had a 3 year relationship and it was good.

    I think active people have the most success online dating, but it can feel like having a second job - but there is nothing to lose by simply having a profile "out there" - I used to jokingly say its like placing a trap, and hey you never know.. maybe someone will come along in a years time and fall into it - nothing to lose, only something to gain.