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Dating With Mental Illness

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jazmine01, Jun 27, 2017.

  1. Jazmine01

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    So, quite often I hear the phrase "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else" or something along those lines, but with mental illness that becomes kinda confusing. It's really hard for me to love myself and I feel like I never will. So, am I never supposed to date?? lmao yikes. And I tend to be attracted to other people who have been through similar things as myself, so other people with mental illness. People also say that people with mental illness shouldn't date, but I don't think that's true. Comment your thoughts/stories.
     
  2. Aure

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    You have to love yourself with mental illness or without it. It doesn't matter what kind of illness or what kind of problem. You are much more than all that.
     
  3. Jazmine01

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    Umm thanks, but it's kinda hard to love yourself when your depression tells you that you're worthless, unloved, unwanted, disgusting, etc. lmao
     
  4. Luka99

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    Do you want to be in a relationship right now? Perhaps you could try a blind date or something along those lines to find out how comfortable you are with it? Personally, also because of mental issues, I know I can't handle a relationship. But that's just me. If you think you can handle and want a relationship, that is fine also. Just watch out for the bad boyfriend/girlfriend syndrome. It's easy to get lost in a relationship / accept bad treatment if you are not doing well mentally.
     
  5. Jazmine01

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    Yes, I would like to be in a relationship right now. And I don't find I let others treat me badly. I treat myself badly, but I don't let others if that makes sense lol.
     
  6. Luka99

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    Good! Then.. go for it! Why not? :slight_smile:
     
  7. anthracite

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    I think the point of the quote is that some damaged did great harm, you know with regard to demagogues or bullies. I don't think it's about dating.

    If you're in love go for it, it might do a lot of good for you.
     
  8. Creativemind

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    The whole you have to love yourself first thing is mostly only said because it can be draining for the other person in the relationship to feel like a constant therapist and deal with self esteem issues 24/7.

    If I were to date someone with a mental illness, they would also need to be medicated and seeing an actual therapist. Others don't mind, they've been in the same boat.
     
  9. JonSomebody

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    I feel that this is your decision on whether to date or not to date due to your mental stability. Only you know what you can tolerate or not. I do know people who have or had mental issues and still maintain a dating life. However, I will share with you a personal story that happened to me with an individual. I met this guy last year at an event. He was from out of town. Very handsome, very personable, sexy and captivating to say the least. From watching him for a few minutes and how he handle himself ...it did not take me long to see that he thrived off attention. For some reason, his focus was on me the majority of the evening and he made no bones to let me know this. We did get to have a conversation that led to us exchanging contact information, etc. Once he went back home, we contacted each other several times a day. The first "red flag" for me was that whatever conversations we would have privately, he made a point to share this with social media which bothered me a lot even though he did not mention my name but I knew who he was talking about due to the conversation.

    Within a matter of a couple of days, he directed the conversations we had on a sex. Although we would discuss other things, but sex became his primary topic of conversation which include him sending me naked photos, videos, etc. of himself which I honestly did not mind at all. From this, he mentioned on social media how much he was in love and how he wanted a potential relationship with the guy...(this where he mentioned my hometown). I decided to confront him on this and why he felt the need to share what goes on between us with social media? He replied as if I was too private and taking things out of proportion. He claimed to be an open book and preferred to be so on social media. This was the beginning of finding out that he not only loved the attention but did everything possible to keep the attention on him and looked forward to the comments of what he posted.

    Okay, let me condensed this story ....he kept badgering me about letting him come to visit. Since I work two jobs and run a local food bank on the weekends, I did not have the immediate time to allow such a visit. He found this very difficult to comprehend with and kept pushing the matter that eventually led to him making threats in regards to him moving on to someone else. I had no problem with this considering that things in my opinion were moving too fast on his end and I do not like to be forced into doing something that I am not ready to do. Therefore, he eventually moved on.

    Fortunately, his moving on became my saving grace because within a matter of two months, he went through several unsuccessful relationships which he found difficult to wrap his head around due to the fact that he was very narcissistic about his looks and felt that he was a good catch because he was sexy and good looking with an incredible body. Now, the reason his moving on became my saving grace is because the last guy he became involved with, he wound up killing him with his bare hands. They had gotten into a physical altercation at this guy's apartment and took things to a whole new level and not for the good. The boyfriend died from severe blows to the head and this guy was arrested for murder. Not too long after the arrest, it was revealed that not only was he addicted to crystal meth, but he was also suffering from severe mental issues which was never diagnosed. Although he moved way too fast when he became interested in a guy...however, when it does not work out the way he would like it to, he would seep into a deep depression for weeks at a time and then go on a crystal meth drug binge.

    There's more I could share with you about this guy but I think I've shared enough for you to see where I am going with my response. I am so glad that I followed my instincts instead of letting him persuade me into doing something that I was not ready to which included me turning down a lot of sexual invitations from him. At the end of the day, once I heard what had happened I immediately came to realize that could have been me. Sorry for being so long winded, but I wanted you to get some understanding to where I was going with my resp
     
  10. Jazmine01

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    Thank you :blush:
     
  11. Jazmine01

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    I see. But isn't that kinda the point of relationships? Being there for each other and sort of being sort of each others therapist? I get what you mean though. Like, not complaining to them all the time, only occasionally right?
     
  12. Jazmine01

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    Omg rip to that other guy, and I'm glad you're okay and that wasn't you. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps a lot. I just want to see where other people stand on this.
     
  13. Creativemind

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    I'm not saying you should never talk about your problems to your partner at all, lol. I think It's definitely important to talk about problems.

    However, there is a limit that many mentally ill people do cross because they aren't in the right state of mind. Even though I'd be happy to hear about someone's problems and life, it is very draining to hear about someone's depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-esteem issues day in and day out. It's not that I don't care, but it can wear on me and start to harm my own mental health after a while. A lot of mentally ill people can also become manipulative or emotionally abusive without realizing it, because of how severe the problem is. An actual trained therapist has to deal with most of this, and I will stay in the relationship if they get a real therapist and make improvements, but my own mental health in the relationship matters as well.
     
  14. Jazmine01

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    Okay, yeah. I actually realized that I was doing this to my friends a while ago. I was always complaining to them about how much I hate myself, I want to die, etc. They said that they were fine with it and that's what friends are for, but it still didn't feel right to me and I felt like I was slowly dragging them into my depression with me. So, I stopped sharing these feelings with them completely. Although, therapy doesn't work for everyone. I personally hate therapy. It makes me very uncomfortable and tends to make things worse for me.
     
  15. Creativemind

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    I get what you mean. A lot of therapy is terrible. I went through six of them when I was depressed, and they didn't help that much. There is a lack of good mental health care in this society in general.
     
  16. Secrets5

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    My mother had depression when I was younger and as a result was physically and emotionally abusive towards me. I now have mental health problems of my own, I have no idea if she or her depression was what's responsible, I have been told many things, and regardless, the harm has been done. I do not see myself dating anyone with a mental illness, I am working hard to overcome my own mental health problems (and unrelated physical health problems) and I don't want to put myself in that situation again.

    There will be people compassionate and strong-minded who will date those with mental illness, and there will be people who like you. This is just me, I'm not sure if this was the type of story you were looking for, but here it is. Ignore it if you want.
     
  17. Jazmine01

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    Very true. Thank you for your responses. Trying to get as much feed back as possible. :blush:
     
  18. Jazmine01

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    Thank you for sharing your story. Mental illness truly sucks. I hope you find someone who can help you through all of this.
     
  19. I am here

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    I'm in a similar predicament. I suffer from numerous mental illnesses and i have found been upfront about it has helped.
    While i agree, it's not a great idea to date someone who also has mental illness, there are varying degrees of it and there are some people who are more empathetic than others.
    I recently was seeing a girl and she was so keen on me, loved spending time with me, but she liked the me i am when I'm feeling good. But I've been struggling the past few days and i proved to be too complicated for her, too hard i suppose. She didn't know how to deal with me and couldn't get her head around it, i was being "stupid".
    This all happened on monday and i was so upset about it, not so much because I'm not seeing her anymore but because i feel like she confirmed all my fears- that I'm too complicated to date.
    Having spoken with my therapist she has comforted me somewhat. She says that there are people out there that can understand and will take the time to understand, they'll decide I'm worth it and it won't matter that i have anxiety or depression.
    The girl i was seeing wasn't that person, she was a no nonsense person who hasn't experienced mental illness. And that's fine. There will be someone who does understand and is willing to take me for me, on my good and bad days. And that will be the case for you as well.
    Loving yourself when you have horrible depression and anxiety is basically impossible. I say, if you want to date, do it.
     
  20. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    Having beaten depressionn and anxiety (well...mostly...) and dealing with a friend that has a mental illness on a day to day basis I'd say that it's not true that you can't love others until you love yourself but that it can be incredible hard to see the person you love hate themself so much. ( and I honestly don't know if that's something I could stand without breaking myself)
     
    #20 Cinis, Jun 29, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2017