Hello all, I have recently joined to get some advice on my situation which is making me feel very down and confused. Thanks in advance for reading and for any advice you can provide. So in March I met someone and we started off as dating. We saw each other a lot, would message daily and did a lot of activities together. He got me out the house more for things like long walks, bike rides, eating out etc. I felt like I was living. We then went from dating to then being friends. However we never talked about this and it just kind of happened. I once told him I liked him and he didn’t reply to this. So I then accepted him as just a friend and we got on really well and would continue to talk daily. I helped him move house too and gave him a lot of my time. We also visited a lot of new places. Now he appears to have met someone else and spent new year’s away with him. I asked him previously what he was doing for new years and he just said chilling. I don’t understand why he just wouldn’t tell me what he had planned instead of lying as he must have booked this ages ago. He seems to be keeping his new relationship from me yet he is posting stuff he is doing with him on social media. We have been seeing each other a lot less too. Now I feel very down about it all and im not sure why. Yes we remained as just friends but a part of me feels like I’ve been replaced. I currently don’t feel like talking to him and do feel slightly annoyed. I am purposely delaying my responses to him and do feel like taking some space away from him. I don’t feel attracted to him though. Am I over reacting? Am I taking this all the wrong way? Anyone else had an experience like this before? Many Thanks
Hello, @jacko91. It seems to me he hasn't been particularly honest with you. Maybe he's afraid of how you'd react, but regardless, he hasn't been fair to you by not being clear on what he wants and where you fit into everything. Firstly, the fact that you went from dating to friends, no explanation, and then again with being vague about his New Year's eve plans. If you want to, you can message him and, making it clear you're just looking for clarification, ask him where you stand with him. Is he still interested in being friends, or has he been pulling away and if so, why? Tell him it's important to you to know where things stand so that you can decide where to go from here. But if you don't want to ask for clarification (after all, you don't owe him the opportunity to make more excuses or offer more half-truths), then it might be in your best interest to pull away a bit. It doesn't have to be permanent, but it does sound like you need some time away from him in order to fully assess the situation and decide what you want. Remember, you are not subject to his whims, and if he doesn't care enough to check in on you as a friend now and again, you don't owe him any of your time.
This could be the time when he met the other guy. Hiding his new relation from you and at the same time posting about it on social media is very insulting. I would message him about it, but remember since you accepted him as a friend only, he may not feel obligated to explain himself to you.
Jacko.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I try to welcome everyone here on Empty Closets when they make their first post and I almost missed you! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help so many years ago. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! This is a safe community of caring and supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets. …..David
I think the crux of the problem is differing expectations. No one is a mind reader. When you talk about your first phase, would you consider that exclusive dating or nonexclusive? At that point, it would have helped to talk with him about “defining this relationship”, especially when it comes to dating others. That’s where the transition to being friends seems blurry; he might not have considered this to be an exclusive relationship. Also, what do you mean by accepting him as a friend? Like on social media or in person? Did he actually say he wants to stay friends? Sometimes you have to be very careful a person is not using you just for your help or as a person to talk to when they’re bored. And conversely, you need to ask yourself what do you really want from him? Do you think this kind of friendship is benefitting you? If you’re not romantically interested, then who he dates should not matter to you. However, I think both of you know there is something more you would like. Ultimately, it is sometimes difficult to stay friends with an ex, especially if your relationship itself was murky. That’s no one’s fault.
