1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Dating someone who's moving across the world

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ttc91, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. ttc91

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2018
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi all,

    After some much needed advice, pretty please!

    About 6 weeks ago I started dating this INCREDIBLE woman. We met on a dating app. I never intended to meet anyone from the app, I just enjoyed the swiping game every now and again! Somehow this woman came out of the ether and we started talking and discovered so many similarities. We're scarily compatible. After chatting for a couple of weeks, we met up and had the most amazing unexpected 16 hour first date...!

    We chat every single day and we've tried to fit in as many fun and romantic dates as possible because she's moving from Melbourne Aus to London in a couple of weeks. It's been the most incredible couple of months of my life. We've gone hiking, stayed in the countryside for a weekend, and in a couple of days, we're both flying to the Gold Coast (where her family is from) and I'll stay with her for 4 nights right on the beach. She packed up her Melbourne life before going to the Gold Coast about 2.5 weeks ago and I spent her final night with her. It was really sad leaving the next morning (we both cried a lot) because we hadn't decided on this 4 night visit yet even though I really wanted to visit. We knew this would make it harder saying a second goodbye. So she told me about a week ago that she thought that might have been the last time she saw me.

    Anyway, after this 4 night trip, that'll be the last time I see her before she moves to London. She plans to stay for at least a year I believe. She'll get a job when she's over there (she has UK citizenship) and then travel Europe when she can.

    This whole relationship has been really open and there have been no expectations from either of us. I'm really scared to talk about it, but I want to ask her whether she'd be happy for me to visit. I'm even more scared to ask her what her thoughts are on long-distance relationships for fear she's completely opposed to them. Before we met for the first time she said to me 'I don't know if this is premature but I feel like I need to tell you that I'm moving overseas for a while in a couple of months, but I'd really love to hang out with you still'. I've NEVER felt this connected to another human being and I know that the strong chemistry and feelings are completely mutual. It's like I've met my match. I have the ability to visit and I've never done a Europe trip (I'm 27) before. I could visit towards the end of the year so we're only apart for 6 months or less at a time with the option to travel there a second time if she stays longer than a year and study or work (I can acquire dual citizenship too).

    I'd love some advice on possibly how to broach this conversation with her... I feel like during this trip there needs to be some sort of conversation..... I'm just SO scared that she'll say that she has loved this time but doesn't want to be tied down.

    Any thoughts on this? Thanks to anyone who has the patience to read all of this!
     
  2. PurpleDude

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2014
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Detroit
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    ok, I didn't even finish reading all that. not because I gave up, but because I already have my response. WHY IN THE HELL are you questioning at all telling her you don't want to lose her. you don't have to propose, but telling her that you'll be absolutely devastated if you can't see here again after the move and asking how she feels about the situation isn't like throwing an ultimatum at her. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW if don't talk to her and take the chance on some kind of future working out with her.
     
    ttc91 likes this.
  3. ttc91

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2018
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't think I communicated an important point properly.... or at all.... I'm DEFINITELY going to say something! Regardless of the fear of her response. I'm going to tell her I really want to visit her. Or ask her if she'd be happy for me to visit her. I guess that means that if she agrees to that, I'd want to know that going over there she hasn't stated seeing someone else.... that would break my heart. So I supposed there would have to be some sort of 'expectations' set..?
     
  4. PurpleDude

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2014
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Detroit
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I would dearly love to sooth you in some way, but until you talk to her, anything I would suggest further would be speculation on things I have no influence on. be honest with her, if the connection is as strong as you feel it to be, things will work out.

    I would add though that I hope this works out for you and that she remains in your life as long as you want her there.
     
  5. Rin311

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Tell her what your wrote here. That you want this relationship to continue and be exclusive. I agree with PurpleDude - if the connection is strong and she feels the same, you’ll figure out how to make it work.
    Good luck!
     
  6. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    Yeah, this is A LOT to ask from a person you just met.

    Ask her, straight up, that you would love to have a long-distance relationship which is truly what you want. If you aren't straight forward then you are just going to cause yourself more harm in the long run.

    If she says no then that's that and you can start the grieving process. If she says yes then yay.